Real Housewives of NJ: If Gia gets a record deal my head will explode!

This show is just too much.  I love it and think it’s insanely entertaining, but this week it got gross.  I mean it’s always been gross, but it took a turn that I don’t think it can recover from.  I get that these fame whores want to have their 15 minutes, but to suck the kids into it is simply not cool.  The kids of New Jersey have always been a focus, but to parade around the torment of Gia, as they did this week, is shameful.

We start with Teresa going to see Jacqueline and Caroline.  Teresa is recounting her visit with Joe and Melissa at the book signing and she is once again defending her husband.  Juicy is in a text war with Joe and Teresa laughs it off and fails to mention Juicy threatened to kill Joe. Honestly I do not see what she sees in this abusive and alcoholic husband. That said, she is just a bad as he is, if not worse.

Caroline tells Teresa to call Melissa and try to mend things and instead of trying to be calm and get things back on track with her family, she is accusatory and with Melissa.  Caroline and Jacqueline listen to the conversation because of course it’s on camera, and they see, as we all do, that Teresa is the cause of all the problems.  She is simply too stupid to understand how stupid she is.  This chick is insane.

Everyone is going to “run” in a 5k race for charity.  Kathy is into it and aware of the charity, while Jacqueline proves once again that she is not the sharpest tool in the shed.  Teresa has diarrhea and thinks we all need to know it.  Juicy is slicing sausage and packing up the wine, at 6 in the morning. The Manzo family is all in and once again we see that this show is less about the housewives, and more about the families.

The Manzo’s are making serious fun of Teresa and while very mean, it is hysterical and the best part of the whole show.  They are talking about all the books Teresa might be writing and it’s truly very funny.  Over with Teresa, she is warning Juicy to be nice and Juicy is telling her it’s not him, its Joe, and as long as he does not piss him off, it will be okay.  Juicy Joe is an ape and he should not be given any camera time.

Everyone arrives and of course there is tension between Juicy and Joe. Everyone on the show clearly favors Joe to Juicy, which is entertaining.  Joe is staying away from Juicy and trying to be cool, while Juicy is just waiting to cause a problem.  Sidebar:  Albie Manzo might be the most boring man in America.  Everyone is running and it’s pathetic.  They all cheat and only Kathy, Richie, Juicy and Teresa actually run the 5k.

The editors on this show are getting sloppy and the cutting of Teresa is dumb.  Is it just me or does Teresa have the oddest looking running form ever?  It looks like her feet are not touching the ground.  It’s like a penguin running across the ice.  Juicy finishes last and while everyone is waiting for him, it’s one big fun group, then Juicy gets there and the tension is back on. Pull Juicy and Teresa off, and this is a fun group.

The Manzo boys are going out for drinks and dancing with Joe and Melissa, but first they are going to play Melissa’s song for them.  Not only should the editors of this show get canned, but so should the writers.  The step and repeat in the apartment is awesome, the gay roommate Greg is fabulous, and Christopher Manzo has become the cuter brother.  Albie’s lack of personality is painful and he needs to be put out of his misery.

Melissa plays her song and the boys could not be less impressed.  They ask her to sing at the lame party they are planning, for their lame job, and it makes no sense because they hated the song.  Even Greg, her groupie, was underwhelmed.  We leave the Manzo boys and go to see Lauren and Vitto and I want to cut my own face off.  They want us to think making cheese is sexy and all it makes me is a little nauseous.  30 minutes in and I’m pouring wine.

Lauren is complaining about how fat she is and it’s sad.  She says she will always be fat and I’m done.  I’m not sure if cheese making pity parties will take off, but perhaps it will be big in New Jersey.  Poor Lauren.  Meanwhile, the boys are getting plastered with Joe and Melissa.  We find out that Joe calls his manliness “Tarzan”, which I think is perfect.  He’s a little person and so Tarzan is quite funny.  I love Melissa and Joe.

Teresa is throwing a 5th birthday party for Melania.  Gia got a limo and private over the top party, and Melania is getting a pizza at her dad’s pizza parlor.  Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Melania is throwing a temper tantrum and it is perfect.  This is a spoiled and funny little girl.  Her mom calls her a crybaby and finally lets her wear what she wants, rather than force her to wear what she wants.  I feel bad for Teresa.

Teresa is very aware of the cameras and there is nothing authentic about her.  You just know if the camera was not here she would be screaming at that kid to get dressed and fast.  You can’t watch this show and not wonder how it is that this woman stays in the life she has.  Her husband is abusive, she children are in emotional distress, and she is doing book signings with 30 people there.  When will she walk away and help her family?

Teresa arrives at the party, late, with the birthday girl.  The editing is once again totally off.  The kids are all eating pizza, then they say Teresa does not want to serve pizza until Joe arrives.  In the first scene the kids are all eating, then they are screaming for pizza.  This show sucks. They have people shoved into this pizza parlor and I want to know why the fire marshal is not there shutting it all down.  Melissa and Joe arrive.

Juicy does not acknowledge Joe, and Teresa is once again making excuses for her ape.  The kids are all making pizza and it’s a sweet party that is having all the joy sucked out of it by the grown ups.  Then it happens.  What I have been praying would never happen.  Gia starts singing.  Let me just say that if this adorable little girl gets a record deal, I am going to explode.  My head will actually explode right off of my body.

She calls her uncles “dear Joe” and it is simply crushing to watch this little girl try to sing a song to her uncle.  She loves him so much and the fighting is killing her, and Teresa is just laughing it off and trying to not be embarrassed.  This little girl wanted to do something nice for her uncle and that Bravo showed it to us is disgusting.  Why not protect this little girl and her broken heart, instead of exploiting it on television?

Just as Bravo contributed to the suicide of Russell Armstrong, they are responsible for the pain of this small child.  I don’t understand how Teresa does not walk away from this show.  Her need for fame is stronger than her need to protect her children, and it is all very sad.  Teresa tries to blow smoke up Gia’s ass by telling her everything is okay, but the little girl is smarter than her mother and not buying it at all.

Teresa is an idiot but I still feed badly for her.  I think at one time she had a good life and her life now is exhausting.  She pulls Juicy and Joe together to take a picture and it’s very sad.  She is desperate for her family to be together, her husband stands in her way, and she knows it.  It’s complicated and sad but could at least be on the way to repair if she quit the show, but her ego and competition with Melissa won’t let her do it.

Next week is the episode where Bravo sends them all to the Dominic Republic and watches them implode.  I would love to be able to say I am not going to watch it, but I will.  Just as an addict cannot stop doing drugs when they know it’s bad, I can’t stop watching.  I used to be embarrassed that I watched these show, but now it’s just sad.  These people need to be pulled off of television and I need to stop watching and keep it real.