Patti Stanger vs. The Millionaire Matchmaker

Millionaire Matchmaker is a difficult show to watch because everyone on this show is a little odd.  From the staff, to the daters, to the fake clients, to Patti Stanger, nobody is believable or particularly interesting.  The main issue I have with this show is Patti and how ridiculous she is.

She says things that simply do not make sense.  This could be due to the fact that she appears to have no real grasp of the English language.  Last night I watched three hours of Patti Stanger.  One episode was her season finale and the other two were reunion shows with Andy Cohen.

Let me begin by saying that three straight hours of Patti Stanger is not something you should ever do.  Ever.  I have a huge headache, mostly from sitting through the crap fest, but also from the laughing.  Important to note I was laughing at them, not with them.  This show is lame.

The first hour is about getting a date for Patti herself and it’s so fake I can barely watch.  The clichés thrown around by Stanger, and her staff, are predictable, and not funny.  She is 50 years old and wants us to think she is not only looking for love, but to maybe have a baby?  Okay.

The casting session for her potential love is so fake and desperate that I am talking on the phone, answering email, and poking myself in the leg with a shard of glass, all of which is more fun that watching for real.  It’s time for Patti’s mixer and she is so nervous she might puke, which is good.

It’s only fair that a show that has made us all want to vomit for five years finally makes her want to blow chunks.  She looked pretty and I’ll give her kudos for putting herself out there, but the ass kissing from her stuff, and her underlying bitchiness makes me not care how it goes for her.

Important to note that I have met Patti Stanger, had a conversation with her, and she was not nice.  She was stuck up, rude, abrasive, very aware of the room and who was there for her to meet.  She was not at all interested in talking to her fans, and at that point she actually had some.

Watching Patti try to date is weird because she comes across as insincere. The whole thing looks staged for ratings.  There is no way she is going to date someone she met on her show.  It would simply never happen because even Patti is not dumb enough to think this crap works.  Or is she?

If she thinks we will believe that these men paid for these dates, and that a divorced dad of two who wants to date rich women is taking her on a private jet to a spa, then Patti needs to be under the care of psychiatrist.  No way in hell he dropped one cent, or enjoyed the awkward kiss.

Sidebar:  How are we supposed to take her staff seriously?  She berates people all the time for how they look yet she says nothing to her staff about how they look, which is not business professional.  There are a lot hypocrisies in the world of Patti Stanger, which is not cute.

Before we go on, can we talk about the biggest pile of crap? Patti says she is a third generation matchmaker and it’s in her blood.  She says she gets the gift from her mother and grandmother and that is what makes her so good.  But she also tells us she is adopted so how is it in her blood?

Was her biological mother also a matchmaker?  If iit’s some kind of family gift passed down through generations, how is it that Rachel and Dustin are also brilliant matchmakers?  The truth is nobody on this show is a great matchmaker. 99% success rate my ass.

Patti picks a nice guy to go on her date with but not until she tells a complete stranger he makes her wet.  Contestant Mike says Patti is smart which shows he is dumb, and Patti wants us to believe that her 7 year relationship ended because there was not passion.  Okay.

Patti goes on two dates and I’m muting the TVbecause when I fill in the conversation on my own its more entertaining than the crap they are feeding us. Let’s skip over the rest of this fake dating and go onto the reunion.  Maybe we’ll get something interesting there.

The reunion starts with Patti telling Andy Cohen that she loves gay people and Jewish men.  She is back peddling and trying to be pro gay but it’s bull. She meant what she said about Jews and gays and her apology was stupid. Andy looks frustrated and we are not even 5 minutes in.

Here are some notes from the reunion:

– Botox does not help cluster headaches

– someone on your payroll is an employee not a best friend

– you can’t kick a client out of a club they don’t pay for

– even Patti Stanger is embarrassed by Patti Stanger

– I think Robin Kassner is fabulous

– how can Patti think she can have a Matthew McConaughey?

– work Patti is a bitch

– non-work Patti is delusional

– I don’t believe all these millionaires have money

– you have to be insane to be a client on this show

– Madison is the most boring gay man on television

– Shawna needs a therapist and a better plastic surgeon

– Patti says okay too much

– that Shawna would do this show again proves she is not well

– Patti talking about relationships is like nails on a chalkboard

– does Andy like Patti or despise her?

– Patti does not say anything original

– Patti is not doing God’s work

– no woman wants a man to go squishy inside of her

– Patti giving plastic surgery advice is insane

– Patti giving advice about anything is insane

– Patti is not an expert on anything

– Patti is a lot like Bethenny Frankel

– I don’t go for a butt first on a man

– Patti is not like a scientist

I am now 19 minutes into part two of the reunion and I want to shoot myself in the foot just so I have something else to focus on.  This show is seriously lame and I don’t get why it lasted after season two, which is when Patti fell in love with her own voice and became bad television.

Patti is mean and if karma is paying attention she should be worried.  She is burning some love bridges and so I don’t know how love will work out for her. Here’s the most shocking part of this entire blog, I think I might actually like Patti Stanger when she is not being Patti Stanger.

At the end of the day she is just a woman, like all of us single women, looking for love.  She is getting tripped up by the persona she created for TV. I have a feeling Patti is probably a nice person and just not sure she can show us that, because she knows we won’t believe it.

I’m don’t think she can undo what she has done that makes her annoy the hell out of us, in fact I am certain she cannot.  I have written some snarky things about Ms. Stanger and I stand by it as it is based on my encounter with her, along with what she shows us of herself on television.

I never thought the day would come when I said I liked Patti Stanger, but I do.  I want to push the Millionaire Matchmaker down a flight of stairs, but I want to go out for lunch with Patti Stanger. At the end of the day we are in the same dating pool and would have lots to talk about.

I can’t end the blog without saying that the reaction of Patti to the engagement surprise was odd.  She was genuinely shocked in the same way one would be, when after 5 years of blowing smoke up everyone’s ass with tales of matchmaking, there is actually a match.  Authentic shock.

I am not going to be watching Millionaire Matchmaker anymore.  By anymore of course I mean ever again.  This show is bad for women, dating, and television.  That said, if Patti Stanger ever wants to grab lunch, I’m in.  Patti and me together?  Now that is keeping it real.