Real Housewives of Orange Country Give Nothing

After the useless 100th episode special of last week, we are back with the ladies of Orange County.  I want to start by saying that I think Gretchen is a slut bag, incapable of real relationships because she is a moron. Okay. That felt good.  We start with Tamra who is at the gym having dinner with Eddie. Her top lip makes her look like she is confused and constipated.

They are gossiping about the girls, which is stupid.  Five minutes of Eddie and Tamra talking about nothing is lame. Over to Heather, she is doing another sitcom.  Blah, blah, blah.  I am happy she is getting her sense of self back, just don’t want to hear about it so much.  It is wedding dress shopping day and everyone is going, including Lauri, who is a whore.

The ladies are talking about what a loser Slade is. Lydia is fun and quirky. A true Canadian in that she speaks her mind is not afraid to have an opinion. Love her and her mom, and would like them to get a show away from the hags.  I would like to take a moment to say we are 15 minutes in and nothing of has happened.  15 minutes. Nothing.  Ridiculous.

Heather and Alexis are at the wedding dress shop. Tamra and the ladies arrive, and now the fun begins.  By fun of course I mean bullshit.  Everyone is looking for dresses for Tamra, but Gretchen who is off on her own being a baby.  She will stop at nothing to make the day about her.  The whole thing is stupid because there is no wedding even planned.

Alexis is stunning and her body is ridiculous.  I think she is a moron, but Dear Lord the girl is pretty. She then has the best line ever. “I wish Gretchen could eat some of her makeup so she can be pretty on the inside.” Freaking awesome. I can’t stand Gretchen, think she should get canned, and am certain she is mentally deficient on some level.

Vicki tells the girls she broke up with Brooks and they are completely done. Lauri pipes in and I am fascinated by her face.  It does not move, her nose appears to be sunken in, and she is hideous.  Lauri tells Vicki that her daughter’s hooker friend is banging Brooks. Vicki is getting stressed. Lauri is being a horrible person and breaking all girl codes.

It was the wrong place, wrong time, and done with malicious intent. Tamra finds the dress, Gretchen leaves, and Vicki starts to cry because the only man she has ever really loved, is taking his new teeth and her money, to bang young girls.  Oh yes, life in Orange Country is grand.  These chicks have been around the longest, look the most ragged, and need to go.

Heather calls out Lauri for telling Vicki something she did not need to know, then tells the girls about the sitcom, and Lydia says Heather went from being fancy pants, to fancy outfit.  Lydia is hilarious. If you take my personal commentary out of this blog, I pretty much wrote nothing about the episode, because nothing interesting happened.

It might be time for me to walk away from RHOC. Next week they will be in Canada so of course I will watch.  Vicki will call out Lauri, who is a slut bag whore, so that might be fun. RHOC is a waste of time.  They offer nothing. I might pass on them and take on the women of Miami instead. I am not a fan, but maybe Miami will keep it real.