Real Housewives of Orange County Whore Trip

Before we even get started on this week, I wonder why it is that the ladies are going on a bachelorette party trip when last week we were not even sure there was going to be a wedding?  This show is shady, Tamra is an idiot, and I started drinking 30 minutes ago so it is going to be a painfully long hour. My liver is pissed at me yet I continue to drink. Here we go.

Lydia is visiting with Tamra for a scripted chat so they can talk about Alexis. I like Lydia, love her mom, and think it is unfortunate that they are going to sucked into the crapfest that is RHOC. By the end of the season she will either be a hero or just another skank.  I really hope she survives.  At least long enough for me to have a drink and smoke with her Momma!

Tamra says she thought about Alexis and felt bad for her and wants to be the better person.  Translation:  If I cannot get on board with these losers and get the fans to like me again, I will never get a wedding special.  Tamra is a snake, incapable of an honest moment, and is milking her past to get the wedding special, which we know she did.

Gretchen and Heather are buying a bathing suit for Tamra for the trip to Mexico for the bachelorette party.  Heather wants it to be a classy trip, and Gretchen wants strippers.  Gretchen is a pig and try as she might t be a lady, Heather is starting to take on the characteristics of a pig also.  There is absolutely nothing appealing about these women, yet I watch.

Gretchen wants us to know she is in the fashion industry and designs things, so she should design the bathing suit for Tamra, not Heather.  Have you seen her handbags?  Hideous.  Alexis is out for a drink with Vicki because Vicki is the only person who will shoot with her, except for Lydia, who is probably contractually obligated.  Vicki invites Alexis to Mexico.

Really?  Vicki is a hot mess.  Alexis tells Vicki Tamra called her and invited her out for lunch.  Alexis makes me itchy, Vicki makes me want to drink, and Tamra makes me feel no compassion for whores.  I might not make it though people.  Lauri is back talking smack and I want to smack her.  There was no need to bring her back except that everyone hates everyone.

Lauri is there to try to bring life back into this show.  Newsflash Bravo, you can’t bring a show back to life by inviting back the dead.  Lauri is dead in the eyes and is so deformed by fillers that she is disgusting to look at, and takes the edge off by margarita.  I drink to be able to look at them, then drink more to be able to listen to them. God help me.

Alexis and Lydia are meeting Tamra. Blah, blah, blah. Lydia is cute, Alexis is beautiful, and Tamra is constipated.  Important to note that Alexis has the fingernails on both hands painted different colors and it looks dumb.  Alexis cries, Tamra tells Alexis she is a human being and wants to break the cycle of hurt.  I am laughing at them.  Seriously laughing out loud.

Gretchen is visiting with Lauri and it is beyond stupid.  Lauri needs the money and when someone keeps telling you how happy they are, chances are they are not as happy as they would like you to think. Lauri slept with Slade, which is just gross to me, yet Gretchen does not seem to mind.  That is Gretchen’s inner whore shining through. A whore does not judge.

Gretchen is bitching about Vicki and Lauri is jumping right in. Lauri tells Gretchen that Vicki is a cheater, slept with men and women while married, and then Lauri tells us over and over how she knows a lot of stuff about Vicki.  I don’t believe her and more importantly, I don’t care.  Lauri is a moron, Gretchen is mentally challenged, and I want to hit something.

Lauri then says she is mad at Vicki and has a vendetta against her.  There you go.  Lauri is there to hurt Vicki and it is embarrassing.  Shame on Bravo for not only showing this crap, but encouraging it.  Gretchen wants to tell the world Vicki is a whore, but doesn’t need to because the cameras were rolling you dumbass.  These women make me sick. 

Heather and Terry are talking about the Mexico trip and Heather has never seen a stripper.  Lydia has never seen a stripper either.  Gretchen has seen a stripper, probably done a stripper, and probably was a stripper.  Gretchen is talking smack about Vicki to Slade, Tamra is packing, not knowing where they are going.  I feel the need to share that I truly hate this show.

They are off to the airport and both Vicki and Gretchen have come packing penises.   Tamra arrives and she is all about a wild time for a wedding that her fiancé has not fully committed to yet.  Sidebar:  I think about her young children and feel bad for them.  Their mother is making a fool of herself and humiliating them in a way that I simply do not understand.

Lydia is mortified by the penises and reminds us that they are all pillars of the community.  Really?  It would appear that Lydia has been smoking some of her mom’s weed.  Pillars my ass.  They are at dinner at a pretentious restaurant that does not serve chips and salsa.  This is the most boring bachelorette dinner I have ever seen and I am cringing.

Sidebar: Gretchen is truly disgusting.  Truly.  Heather picked a dud for dinner, Gretchen is chomping at the bit to out Vicki’s sexual escapades, and I am officially hammered, which normally would be good, but I still have to blog 2 hours of The Bachelorette so it is going to be a long night. I need to drink slower or drink more.  Hard to say what would be better.

Vicki, Tamra, and Lydia blow off Gretchen and Heather and go for a drink, which pisses of Gretchen and makes her tell Heather about all the crap from Lauri.  I’m so done.  Next week it gets raunchy and nasty.  I might have to skip a week of this mess.  These women may be the only bitches on reality TV who need to slow down and stop keeping it real.