Twitter Etiquette 101

I am not ashamed to say that I am addicted to Twitter.  I really love it and have met some wonderful people through this platform.  I have about 2300 followers and they entertain, support, teach, inspire, and scare me.  It is a lot of fun and I tweet everyday.   With over 14000 tweets, one could argue that I tweet too much, but whatever.  I’m a tweeter and it’s all good.

There is no manual for Twitter.  Nobody tells you how it works, what is cool, and what is lame.  You just kind of stumble through it and eventually get into a groove.  I have learned over time to block the trolls, report the lunatics, deal with the imposters, and embrace the good people who come to Twitter for entertainment, friendship, and conversation.  It’s not hard to do.

By not hard to do, of course I mean not hard for regular people. Celebrities however, are a whole other ball game.  I don’t want to clump all celebs together because the majority use Twitter to engage with their fans.  There are a few though, coincidentally reality TV housewives and the skanks who sleep with their husbands, who clearly have no idea how Twitter works.

Important to note that for the purpose of this blog, I am using the word “celebrity” very loosely.  Celebrities can be famous for talent, or for not having talent.  Reality stars, in my opinion, are not celebrities as much as they are simply famous.  Some transcend of course, but for the average reality star, they are dealing with fame, not celebrity.

For example, Leann Rimes is a moron on Twitter.  Not only is she a crazy person, but she attracts all kinds of crazy.  She uses her crazy fans to help spread crazy. She is unstable, in fake rehab, and coming to terms with the fact that she is a whore, so I won’t harp on her, other than to say, in my opinion, she should be banned from Twitter and sent to a real rehab to get help.

I only mention Leann as a cautionary tale.  Twitter is supposed to be fun and light, not dark and scary.  Leann has tried to suck all the joy out of a place that so many of us love.  She is the perfect example of how not to act on Twitter.  She can’t be helped but others can.  Use Leann to learn how not to tweet, and use my rules to show you the way to a happy Twitter.

In terms of the housewives, and other reality peeps, I really don’t think they understand how annoying they are on Twitter.  Not all, but a select group. With their best interest at heart, I feel it is my obligation as a tweeter, and a fan, for me to help them.  Here are 5 tips to help them along their Twitter journey.  I know they are reading, so lets see if they pay attention.

Twitter Rule #1:  You don’t need to retweet every single compliment that you get.  We follow you, so when someone mentions you and says something nice, we see it.  You don’t need to send it to us again.  It makes you look silly. By silly of course I mean like a desperate fame whore who is trying to extend their 15 minutes.  Just stop doing it.  No retweets are required.

Twitter Rule #2:  Don’t tweet when you are drunk.  We are a savvy bunch and we can tell when you are talking gibberish due to alcohol.  Additionally, don’t tell us you take Xanax to relax, then tweet nonsense, and get mad when we ask if you are under the influence.  If you drink, God Bless, just don’t drink and tweet.  No good can come of that.  (Unless you’re a blogger.)

Twitter Rule #3:  If you have a cause that you are passionate about, like autism for a random example, tweet about it all day long.  Help spread the word because there are people who can truly be helped by your sharing.  That said, don’t tweet about autism at the same time you are tweeting smack about anther housewife.  It weakens your message, and you look bipolar.

Twitter Rule #4:  If you have a career other than being a housewife, like maybe you’re trying to be a singer, don’t tweet the link to buy your songs on iTunes every five seconds.  We all know you “sing”, we all know how to download music, and if we want to buy your “music”, we will do it on our own. No need to send the link 20 times every hour.  Seriously.  Stop.

Twitter Rule #5:  Speak for yourself.  If, for example, you have a bunch of sisters who are also on Twitter, don’t have them fight your battles for you. Also, don’t set up fake accounts to toot your own horn.  We know a fake account when we see one and we know who your family is, so having them bash people for you makes you look high school, not sophisticated.

Help me to help you.  I only mention these things as a public service.  I have about 117 more rules but I will save those for another day.  I don’t want to overwhelm you because learning can be stressful.  Enjoy Twitter everyone. Be kind, be aware, block freaks, ignore trolls, and be weary of eggs.  Have fun out there people.  Be safe, and remember to keep it real.