The Real Housewives of NYC Stays Fake but Gets Good

I’ve been watching all season but truth be told, I’m bored. The new chicks are not that interesting and the old chicks have a hag quality that is not entertaining.  I simply could not be bothered to blog about it.  I wasn’t paying close enough attention to recap it, so I watched in silence.

Last week however, it got interesting, and this week has the show crawling back to its glory days so I’m in.  No guarantees I will keep going, but I’m in it now and I am ready to go.  All the ladies are back in New York City and their forced interactions are going to be reality gold.  I’m pouring my wine!

We are at Sonja’s for a meeting with Heather and her logo designer for Sonja’s branding.  She has included Ramona and it’s getting ugly.  Heather is annoyed and embarrassed in front of her team because Sonja is wishy washy, and Ramona hates everything they have done.

Ramona is unable to disguise her hatred of Heather and it is fabulous. Ramona and Heather despise each other and while I am not a huge fan of Heather, I am totally on her team.  She has balls when it comes to Ramona and I like that.  Ramona is a hot mess in every scene she ruins.

Heather is making it all about her and that is too bad.  She is feeling ownership over helping Sonja and it is a little weird.  Sonja asked a lot of people for help but Heather is under the impression she is in charge of branding Sonja.  Not sure what Heather is trying to prove.

Ramona takes a call in the middle of the meeting and Heather is fuming. Sonja is fun in an old, desperate, slut kind of way, but really?  Is anyone going to buy her toaster oven?  I personally would not.  I would never cook a meal in a toaster oven and so I just don’t get it.  Poor Sonja.

It’s Christmas in NYC and we see how beautiful the Big Apple is in winter, but are also reminded these shows were filmed almost a year ago and one must ask, who cares?  Why are we so wrapped up in these lives when what we are watching is not anything like how life is now?

Ramona and Mario have invited everyone but Heather to dinner at Le Cirque. They bring a bottle $1400 wine to share with the group and I’m laughing because they are going to share it between eight people.  Everyone gets a sip? Ramona can try all she wants to be fancy but she’s an idiot.

Luann is now going to take a turn at being a complete moron.  She is talking about her parents being “Canadian aborigines” and Carole is mortified. We discover that the only woman of class and substance here is Carole. That said, she would be classier if she put on a bra.

Sidebar: There was a time when I thought Luann was fabulous.  I’ve interviewed her and of all the housewives she seemed the most unaffected. She should have left the show and tried to be something more than a Bravo bitch, but she stayed, and is now rather repulsive.

Luann is making fun of Native Americans and Carole cannot believe how stupid she is.  Mario is going after Jacques for making fun of Ramona and her wine last week, and Ramona pretends she did not know Mario was going to bring it up.  Ramona’s eyes are brown for a reason.

Sidebar: These women clearly do not like each other and the forced interaction is offensive to me.  Bravo thinks we are all a bunch of dumbasses sitting at home thinking they all love each other and it’s lame.  From the vacations with a split cast to the fake parties, it’s just too stupid.

Aviva is obsessed with her ex-husband and it is odd.  Does she like to talk about him because she was the only one who got him to marry her even though everyone else slept with him?  I feel bad for her new husband, think she is a busybody, and there is no great appeal to her.

That said, she is going to call Ramona trash soon so as much as I could take her or leave her now, I think I ma going to love her by the end of the season. This part of the blog is a little out of order and so I apologize.  I know you all understand how much wine is needed to watch the show.

Mario attacks Jacques for the wine game he played on Ramona and Luann bails out to the bathroom.  So stupid.  I would have stayed to see what the loser was going to say to my boyfriend, not run to the bathroom.  Ramona acts surprised which is pathetic.  Mario is a putz.

Aviva goes to visit her ex-husband with their son.  Really?  Bad enough we are forced to watch the husbands and boyfriends, but now we have to watch the ex-husbands too?  He gets to plug his work and we have to sit through it?  We are only 20 minutes in and I worry I will run out of wine.

Sonja is out for lunch with Luann and I don’t feel anything real about their conversation.  Referring to each other as “Son” and “Lu” feels contrived and a week attempt at making us think there is anything other than a need to appear to like each other so they can keep their jobs.

Lu is telling Son Jacques wants to have a baby and she is thinking about it.  Her eggs are poached and she is crazy.  Son asks Lu if she is having a baby to keep her man and Lu says yes.  Great message to send her teenage daughter.  Want to keep a man?  Get knocked up!

Heather invites Sonja to a meeting about her helping her and for reasons I will never understand, she includes Luann.  Heather immediately tells Sonja that they were insulted by Ramona being at their meeting.  Heather feels like she was ambushed by Sonja, but she is now ambushing.

Sonja is not having it.  Heather thinks she did her a favor, but Sonja thinks she is an actual client.  Heather believes since she is helping for free, Sonja needs to be more grateful.  Really?  I’m with Sonja on this one. Sonja is making sense, until she talks in third person.

Heather never should have tried to take over.  She was supposed to give guidance not become the person who is going to brand Sonja.  Heather runs to Luann for back up and that seals the deal for me.  Heather is a being a baby, Luann is useless, and Sonja is brilliant when not drunk.

Luann is hosting some lame holiday party and wants us to think its her party.  All the women come and I’m just bored.  They are not friends, dig at each other constantly, and Luann is in love with herself.  She confronts Ramona about the wine party and Ramona tells her she is pissed off.

Ramona is rude and mean but tries to make it seem like she is light and fluffy.  She then tells Luann she is “holding the fifth”.  Really?  I believe she meant to say she was pleading the fifth so bless her for trying.  Ramona is a moron and again I am amazed she manages to make a living.

All the housewives have arrived and the fake friendships are in full swing.  Sonja is hammered and when Jacques comes to see Luann she goes off.  She is a blubbering idiot, starts to cry, and tells him he needs to marry Luann already.  She then becomes an expert on Jewish men.

She then starts to cry, turns red, and I think I can actually see her liver rotting.  The entire scene is awkward, forced, and frankly ridiculous.  By ridiculous of course I mean rather entertaining.  These chicks are a mess and watching them crash and burn was worth waiting for.

Luann invites the girls up on the stage to sing Jingle Bells and I am embarrassed for all of them.  They don’t know the words, none of them can sing, and then we hit oil. The band is singing a vulgar song while Santa dances and everyone is shocked except for Carole who loves it.

Luann says she is mortified but it seems insincere.  She is supposed to be classy but in the end she is not and her pretending to be is laughable.  Once again I am wishing Alex and Jill were with the new chicks.  This week was good, but for all the wrong reasons and Bravo does not get it.

We used to watch the lives of these women and want a piece of it for ourselves.  We watch now for no other reason than to laugh at them.  I would give anything to have 15 minutes with the suits at Bravo to tell them what I think about reality shows that fail to keep it real.