The Bachelorette Recap – Hometown Dates

We are back in the States, which is both good and bad.  Good because it means we are close to the end, and bad because it means we have to sit through a lot of recapping.  Emily needs to reflect on all her travels and the four men she has left.  I’m not big on reality television recapping, especially when it was painful to sit through the first time around.

I’m not going to bother recapping the recapping.  Instead I will make myself a margarita and wait for the hometowns to begin.  Two hours of this show is hard, but the final rose is within our grasp and there is no turning back now. We start with Chris in Chicago.  I think he is young, creepy, somewhat unstable, and totally not ready for marriage and parenthood.

Chris is Polish, takes Emily to a local Polish bar, and it’s cute how proud he is of his family and their heritage.  Sitting there and chatting he is clearly a smitten kitten when it comes to her but she looks like she would rather be anywhere else.  Emily is loving Chicago, and probably wishing how much more fun it would be if Chris was not there.  Too, too funny.

Sidebar:  It cracks me up that when the families sit down to dinner they are all on one side like The Last Supper.  Really?  Can the show not afford two cameras so they can sit around the table like normal people?  Also, what is it with Emily and her licking of the lips.  It’s like her teeth are dry and it’s weird.  She does a teeth lick thing that is bugging me.

Emily has a heart to heart with Polish Pops and it’s nice. They are a very sweet family, clearly love their son, the parents are lovely, but the older sister is a little bitchy.  She tells Emily that if she is not sure, she needs to dump Chris sooner rather than alter.  That seals the deal for Chris. He will be sent home and will probably kick a dog or something.

Pops tells Chris that Emily is falling in love with her, Chris takes that as a sign he should tell he loves her, then tells Emily he has ever told anyone he loves them, right before he tells her he loves her.  She is still going to dump him, but now she has completely humiliated him.  There is a big Polish family party and it’s fun, but Emily crossed a line on this one.

We are off to Utah where we see that Jef is Richy Rich.  I can’t take him seriously because I think he is unsure of his sexuality.  When he comments on how cute she looks, rather than pretty, I’m laughing.  Emily is clearly impressed by his apparent wealth and Jef is clearly impressed that he has convinced her he is interested in her as more than a friend.

They go shooting and Emily pretends she can’t shoot, when really she is a perfect shot.  Jef comments on his wanting her to always hold a gun, and it’s hilarious because he giggles as he says it.  It’s like he was sending a little message to a friend.  Perhaps a friend name John?  I’m not buying this relationship and I refuse to believe Emily is this dumb.

We meet Jef’s family and they are sweet but seem to be sidestepping all talk of faith.  They are Mormon, and while I’m not an expert on being a Mormon, I would think they want for Jef to marry a Mormon.  There is talk of principles and values, but no talk of faith, which is a crock.  She is not picking him so why not openly talk about religion as a factor?

If Jef says dude, like or awesome one more time I might lose my mind.  I am on my second drink after this date.  He takes her to a bluff and reads her a letter he wrote on the plane home from Prague.  It is sweet, and the type of thing a woman, or John, wants to have a man tell her.  Jef is charming, not at all for Emily, and he is not making it into the finale.

We are off to Arizona with Arie and he is taking Emily for a ride around the racetrack.  Of all the men left, Emily and Arie look the best together.  I don’t believe him in terms of his past relationships, but I think he will be one of the last two standing.  Emily likes him a lot but forgave his not coming clean in the blink of an eye.  I don’t think she’s picking Arie.

Arie’s family is sweet, his brothers are adorable, but they are rude.  His mom starts talking in Dutch and Emily is sitting there not knowing what they are talking about and it is just rude.  Then it got weird.  Arie’s mom takes Emily off for a chat and they go into a bedroom and are sitting on a bed.  Really?  Arie’s mom is rude, not cool, and lacking manners.

Arie’s hometown is weird.  No real connection to anyone and we are out of there quickly and onto Dallas with Sean.  Sean is sweet, he is my choice for her, and while I think she is going to pick him, she is not going to stay with him.  This process did not work for her last time, and I don’t think it is going to happen for her now.  She is going to bang Harrison instead.

Rumors are flying that there is a relationship between Harrison and Emily and let me just say I called it week one.  Harrison is useless on this show and if he is now going to date a contestant, he needs to get canned.  I don’t care if he is with Emily or not, I do care that he is sucking the life out of this show by appearing out of nowhere for no good reason.

Sean has the best family dynamic and nicest parents.  I got a good vibe from all of them, and then Sean drops the bomb that he still lives at home.  Emily is a trooper and handles herself like a lady when inside she is pissed off to have wasted so much time on a loser.  His room is disgusting and she is about to puke when he tells her he is just kidding.

God bless Emily for being so kind.  She smiles through his supposed stuffed animal collection, his filth, and his wanting his mother to clean up after him.  The whole family was in on the joke and it’s cute.  Sean is my choice, even though they look similar.  They can get married and have blonde babies after she stops banging Harrison and looks for fame.

Sean’s hometown is the best in terms of normalcy, but then he goes and runs through the town, again, calling out her name.  He chases after her car to give her another kiss and I am laughing all the way to the kitchen to get another drink.  Sean is sweet and in the end he will be crushed which is a drag.  I love Emily but I’m not seeing her happily ever after.

Emily is back in LA with Harrison and his drooling over her is icky.  He looks like a perverted old man and she would be an idiot to be with him. It’s all rumors of course and chances are on one of it’s true, but if it is, I want to go on record as saying I saw that one coming, I think it is disgusting, and I believe Harrison should be fired so crossing the line.

Emily is recapping her dates for Harrison and it’s lame.  Half of this week was spent recapping which is annoying. Emily laughs and cries and is tormented at the thought of hurting anyone.  She really is a good girl but there has got to be a level of fame whore to anyone who is willing to do this show twice.  I like her but she is a starlet at this point.

Emily gives out 2 of her 3 roses and then, as if by magic, Harrison appears to tell her there is only one left.  It’s freaking hilarious.  Arie gets the first rose, then Jef, then Sean.  Chris the baby is going home.  I’m surprised he lasted this long.  He is volatile, childish, week of chin, and not at all appealing.  He the gets in the car and gives us some gold.

Chris is being a douchebag.  He is pissed, annoyed that he told her he loved her, he wishes her the best, and left in a huff.  He tells the camera he is the best man for her, then refers to the other men as “dudes”.  Men don’t say dude Chris.  Emily made him a believer in love and he does not get why he is out.  I’ve decided Chris looks like an animated Simpson.

Now I must share something horrible with you.  I am embarrassed, surprised and scared by it, but I will share.  Chris in the car made me cry.  Yup. Bawling like a baby.  I LOVE THIS SHOW.  I want it to work for everyone, even the ones I don’t particularly like.  This show is gold and I am in it deep.  Next week Emily will be down to 2, and struggling to keep it real.