Celebrity Apprentice – Andretti Crashes

Let’s start by saying that this show does not need to be two hours long.  The pauses, the celebrities in thought, the dramatic music, all of it can be cut. It would be much more interesting if it was an hour.  I love this show but it’s early and the two hours is going to get old really fast.  By really fast of course I mean now.  Two hours is lame Trump.

Dayanna gives her money to her charity, which raises money for people in the Latin community living with HIV/AIDS.  She goes to give them the money she won and I cried.  I wish she could have won more.  She is sweet and her cause is important.  God bless them all.  Bravo to Trump for the charity aspect of this show.  It is very impressive.

The task is to help launch the new Buick Verano.  The leader for the women is the epically unappealing Debbie Gibson, and the men go with Adam Carolla. Weird that Adam would lead a car task when they have an Andretti, but whatever.  It will be hard to write this blog because Gibson gives me a sharp lower back pain.  I seriously don’t get this chick.

Aubrey immediately steps into her ego driven leadership role.  I think she is an idiot, but bless her, she knows what she is doing and works hard.  Like her or not, she is killing it on this show.  It’s just a shame we are forced to deal with her personality, clothes and hair.  The reps from Buick come to meet both groups and we know within minutes the men will lose.

Adam is doing his own thing, and not what the Buick reps are asking for. They also have Michael Andretti, who is an icon when it comes to cars, but they don’t seem to get the value of that.  Adam is funny, he is also a car guy, but like he tells the camera, people may not know that about him.  It’s a drag to watch two hours when we know they are going to lose.

The men are still not digging Lou and it’s sad.  This show does wonders to help rebuild careers but in the case of Mr. Ferrigno, it is making him look like a schmuck who is only capable of being the Hulk, and complaining.  With the women, Aubrey is running the show, Debbie is trying to sound like she knows what she is talking about, and I’m having wine.

Adam is flying by the seat of his pants and the men don’t agree, or really get it, but allow him to hang himself and go along for the ride even though they are about to crash and burn.  The men are going for comedy, and the women are going for emotions.  Arsenio is cool, Dee is awesome, Clay is snarky, and Lou has really just got to go home already.

Aubrey wants us to think she is one of the cool and chosen girls, while Teresa, Tia and Dayanna are the loser chicks.  Whatever Aubrey.  She wishes she was as cool as Teresa.  Aubrey is a bitch and Debbie is a moron. Teresa looks gorgeous, and is annoyed she is being left out.  The loser girls call to get in on the action but Debbie blows them off.

The teams go for a test drive and Andretti drives for the men.  It’s cool to see him whip around the track.  That he is not the project manager is a dark cloud over the men.  Debbie drives for the women.  Who cares.  Adam is doing his own thing, with or without the support of his team. and Debbie is talking only to listen to her own voice.

Donald Trump Jr. comes to check on the women and Debbie blows smoke up his ass.  Ivanka goes to see the men and she is puzzled why Andretti is not the leader.  Why don’t they just end it now?  They are telling us at every turn the men are losing, and it sucks the joy out of watching.  I am now pissed off that this show is two hours.

The teams are rehearsing their presentations and I am not really paying attention.  The men are not funny, not on board with Adam, and I’m sick of listening to Lou complain.  He let’s us know that everything he does creates attention.  Really?  Nobody knows who you are Sweetie and you need to go home now.  I love you, but shhhhhh.

Over with the women, their presentation looks lame.  Then Aubrey, the most annoying chick ever, gives us the highlight of the night.  She lets us know “Debbie Gibson is having her comeback tour”.  She says she loved Tiffany more, and we are going to watch a Gibson concert whether we bought a ticket or not.  Best moment of the night.

Forte does their bit and it’s stupid.  Aubrey does not know the name of the car, Debbie Gibson is a moron, Teresa is there with Juicy Joe and her kids, who are gorgeous, Lisa is funny, Tia is doing the best she can, and Debbie is desperately trying to seem relevant.  She is lucky she got this gig at all.  She is a hot mess who needs a makeover.

Aubrey does a fake crying thing and blah, blah, blah, I’m not listening. Debbie is sporting a wig, calling out Aubrey for saying the name wrong, and bagging on Teresa for having her kids there, failing to remember she invited Juicy and the kids.  I am now fantasizing about accidentally tripping Debbie, her wig falls off, and Tiffany is singing in the background.

The men do their bit and there is still more talk about Andretti not stepping up to the plate, and no real support for Adam.  Paul tanks with his bit and I’m skipping over this part.  We only see a little bit of each presentation but it was enough for me to think the men did better, which is not saying much since they both kind of sucked.

Does Trump now honestly think I am going to sit through an hour of the boardroom?  Dear Lord.  I’m not doing it.  Debbie is a twit, Teresa is annoyed, Tia is pissed, Dayanna is invisible, Patricia is silent, Lisa is Lisa, Aubrey is annoying, and Debbie is nauseating.  Over with the men, we are once again talking about why Andretti was not the leader.

Lou is whining and I am now fast forwarding to the end.  Adam thinks they won, the women think they won, blah, blah, blah the women win.  No surprise since they led us down this road from the first five minutes.  Trump asks Tia a question, she stumbles over the answer and he dismisses her which was really funny.  Trump is very entertaining.

Debbie says if they lose she is bringing Teresa and Tia back to the boardroom, and Teresa is holding her own.  These bitches better back off of Mrs. Guidice or she will go New Jersey on their asses.  The manipulated drama is fun for about two minutes but they drag it out for 20 minutes.  They are going to win so enough with this crap already.

The women win, Debbie cries, then sucks up to Teresa and tells her she likes her and is sorry.  Teresa is too smart for this and I hope she throws Gibson under the bus next week.  Loterally. I want Debbie to go home.  In the boardroom Adam will not give two names to bring into the boardroom.  He thinks the loss was his responsibility as the team leader.

Adam is a mensch, handles himself with class, and in the end his team is punished for it.  Trump says since Adam is not going to bring people back with him, Trump is going to fire two people.  Everyone thinks Lou is the weakest player and it’s too bad Adam does not bring Lou with him because he may have been saved, but in the end Adam is fired.

The team starts to turn on Andretti and it’s stupid because we are now watching 10 minutes of fluff to get to the end.  Seriously, this is stupid already. Adam is out, and the others are sent out so Trump can decide who else will be fired.  He drags out the show even longer, then he fires Andretti which was totally lame.  Andretti was robbed.

If Trump wants this show to be two hours long every week, he needs to realize the audience is not stupid and fill the time with entertainment, not music, dramatic pauses and reviewing every single thing that is said.  Lou will lead next week and he will fail, which means we will be stuck with Gibson for another week.  I’ll need more wine if I’m going to keep it real.