The Real Housewives of Orange County are Over

I watched last weeks premier of RHOC and it took me 3 hours because I was so bored I stopped several times. These women are not interesting and have become a cliché.  Between the nipped bodies, plumped up faces, bleached hair, and fake friendships, I am done.  This is my one and only blog on this very tired show.

The ladies are having dinner at Vickie’s house and it is beyond stupid.  By stupid of course I mean these women are so stupid they don’t understand they have signed onto a show we all watch with the sole purpose of laughing at them.  We are mocking you, and think you are pathetic.  Good choices ladies. Let the public humiliation begin.

Tamra and Gretchen have decided to be friends and I’m not buying it. This show is so desperate for excitement they are making these chicks do stuff that is not real, and they are so dumb and such fame whores, that they do it.  There is a new chick, Heather, who once again proves there are no cool Jews on reality television.

Tamra is a bitch and a moron. Gretchen is a bitch and a moron.  Alexis is a bitch and a moron.  Vicki is a bitch and a moron.  Not sure about Heather yet, but I think we can safely assume she will end up being a bitch.  Probably not a moron but she agreed to go this show so it won’t be a great leap to being a moron for her. They are having Cajun food because Vicki is proud as it’s the cuisine of the south where her boyfriend is from.  Important to note, her boyfriend is a douchelord who has been arrested for failure to pay child support.  He is into her money and I do not believe she is anything other than a money train.  I could be wrong, but I’m not.

Tamra and Gretchen are friends but Tamra is calling out Gretchen for having her lips done, which she denies.  We are supposed to believe her lips got twice as big from the plumper she sells?  Tamra is good friends with Vicki, but she is trashing her dinner.  Tamra is not a good friend, or girlfriend apparently. Peggy is digging at Alexis and it’s uncomfortable.  Peggy is calling Alexis dumb which is hilarious because Peggy is not that sharp.  Peggy slept with Alexis’s husband Jim back in the day and Alexis cannot forgive her for not telling her.  Peggy totally should have told her, but so should have her husband.

Peggy approaches Alexis and Alexis handles herself quite nicely.  She is calm, but wrong.  Her husband banged a chick, then met her, let her be friends with his old sex buddy, and never told her.  Peggy was a money whore so you can forgive her the indiscretion, but her husband should have told her. Peggy feels bad and cries to Vicki and Tamra.  She tells them Jim is shady and implies he could have had her hurt if she told Alexis.  Jim was a pig, is a pig, and will always be a bog.  I get Alexis is mad, but move on and direct your anger at the pig not the whore.  Peggy announces she is out of the group.

We get a formal introduction to Heather and I am wondering if she is Jewish by birth or converted to marry her husband.  I’m betting she is a convert. I like her because she is bold and speaks her mind, but she pulls the Jew card early and it sets her up for being labeled the crazy Jew who is a snob and only cares about money.  Sidebar:  I hate it when Jews are not cool on television.  I have been waiting years for a cool Jew to be on reality TV. Her house is beautiful, her kids are beautiful, her husband is lovely, and she is a stereotyped parody of what people think Jews are like.  It’s a shame. Bravo sucks when it comes to Jews on TV.

Tamra and Eddie, along with Vickie and Brooks are going to Catalina for the weekend.  Tamra is talking to Eddie and it sounds lame and rehearsed. Tamra is not at all interesting and he’s sweet so I don’t get it.  Vicki calls Brooks and says, “It’s Vickie”, and he says, “Hi Vicki”, and it’s awkward.  She immediately tells him what to bring, what to wear, and it has to be the things she bought for him.  I don’t get how anyone is into a woman like this.  You cannot have any balls when hers are so big.  Over to Gretchen, that she is still with Slade makes no sense.  He is a pig and leaching off of her.

We are off to Catalina and get our first look at Brooks up close and personal. He’s creepy.  He gives her a card and I’m not paying attention to what it says because I am focused on Vicki’s face, which is so puffy and full of filler that she looks like a freak.  Even her dimples look smaller because her face is so swollen.  We then take a quick trip to LA to see Gretchen doing a photo shoot with one of her painfully ugly handbags.  She is naked, Slade is being emasculated, and her laugh is nails on a chalkboard.  He is useless, she publicly humiliates him, and I almost feel bad for him.  By almost of course I mean I don’t feel bad at all.

Back to Catalina, Vicki is a bitch, her boyfriend is a loser, Eddie is wasting his time, and Tamra crosses the line.  Vicki and Eddie are playing around and flirt in a super cute way.  Tamra gets upset and puts the hand of Brooks on her boob.  Eddie is pissed, Vickie is shocked, and Brooks is mortified. The episode ends with Eddie and Tamra fighting.  I am honestly over this show.  If I stumble upon it I might tune in, if I have wine, but my blogging of the RHoOC has come to an end.  I wish them well, hope Heather is not a crazy Jewish bitch, and officially give up on their ever keeping it real.