Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

We only have one week left and I for one could not be happier.  This season has been draining and I’m ready for it to be over.  I am seriously hoping Taylor does not return next year because she sucks the life of this show. She kills things and if she come back next season she will kill this show too.

We start with everyone getting ready to go the opening of Lisa and Ken’s new lounge SUR.  Kyle is talking to her daughter.  By talking of course I mean gossiping.  Kyle is playing victim already and it’s a waste of time.  She spends a lot of time making everything in the show revolve about her.

It’s two hours until the opening of the lounge and Lisa is scrambling around to get it all done.  I was not a fan of Lisa in the beginning of the season but I love her now at the end.  She is funny and sweet and in the end I was a little harsh in my view of her.  Lisa is entertaining, beautiful and funny.

Kim is with Ken at a hotel getting ready for the opening. She is clearly medicated and pulls out a vibrator to share with her make-up artist.  She is just a mess and it’s embarrassing that Bravo is showing this footage.  Like Russell before her, they are making bad choices for her future.

The hotel room they are in is horrible, and the amount of clothes they have for one night is insane.  I’m not buying they were there just for the party.  She has suitcases, the room is trashed, and it would appear they have been staying there for more than just the opening.

SUR is finally opening, Lisa looks gorgeous, and the night is beginning.  Brandi arrives first and she is really tall, flirty, and has earned a regular spot next season.  No sign of Dana in this episode which makes sense since she did not work with this group and never will.

Bernie the chef arrives which is weird.  Why was he invited?  Lisa does not recognize him and it’s funny.  Inside the party, one of the waitresses is an old mistress of Brandi’s ex-husband.  By mistress of course I mean a whore who slept with him while Brandi was pregnant with his baby.

Lisa is classy about the whole thing and asks the waitress to go home. Important to note that you know Leann Rimes is watching, seeing one of Eddie’s many mistresses, and knowing she has no shot in hell of keeping this man because at the end of the day, he is a pig not a man.

Camille arrives and looks beautiful.  Kyle arrives and she too looks good but within 5 seconds of seeing Lisa is bitching about her life and complaining about Kim.  Really Kyle?  Why can’t she congratulate her friend on her important day before talking about her herself?  Again.

Kim is scrambling to get ready.  She is bagging on Ken and truly a hot mess. Ken is trying to get her ready but she incoherent.  He is talking about getting jewelry out of the safe for her, but I thought they checked in today for one night?  There is a whole lot of lying going on in this episode.

It would appear they are living at the hotel and it’s odd.  I feel a little sad for Ken.  He has forever ruined his reputation by being with Kim and she is about to sell him down the river.  Ken needs to run away from this woman as fast as he possibly can.  Kim is about to go Taylor on him.

The party is in full swing but there does not seem to be a lot of people.  All of sudden the room stops and Cedric walks in.  What’s fascinating, is Adrienne and Kyle kiss him like he’s an old friend.  He really hurt their friend and they should have walked away not embraced him.

Lisa approaches and tells him to leave.  She asked who invited him and Brandi yells out that it was not her, which of course means it might have been her. That he has the balls to come is amazing, and that the ladies disrespect Lisa on her big night by kissing him is shady to me.

Brandi tells him she appreciates “this” when he leaves which makes no sense. Cedric reluctantly leaves but not before professing his love and support of Lisa.  Really?  Cedric is an ass and that he showed up at all was tacky.  Lisa is a lady and handles herself with true class and grace.

Taylor is heading to the party and taking her therapist as her date.  Are these people for real?  Who takes their therapist to a party and who goes to a party under the circumstances Taylor wants us to think she is dealing with?  Taylor is unraveling in lies and I for one am over it.

Ken and Kim are finally in the car and she is slurring her excitement over the buttons in the car.  She then goes through the garbage can, finds a condom and some poop while still fascinated by the buttons.  I feel so sad for her and her children that Bravo has captured this moment.

Taylor is in the car crying about pulling her friends into the mess of her life. Seriously Taylor?  You needed your friends to set up the whole thing so your tragic story could play out and you could leave your husband and find someone richer, but it backfired when dying became easier for him.

Kim arrives at the party and she is high as a kite.  Lisa is going to great her and Kyle says she needs to stay with her.  Kyle is a bitch and Kim is a disaster. Kim is there for a minute and again Kyle is crying and making it all about her.  Kyle is out of control and I’m so over this show.

Kim pulls out her vibrator to share and is jumping around saying hello to people.  Kim’s manager comes and tries to get her into the party and it’s sad because she is mean to Ken.  In the end I think he loves her and got in way over his head with someone who is just not well.

Kim sees Adrienne, who by the way has still not brushed her hair, and tells her she is moving out of the house with Ken.  They go into the bathroom and Kim tells her about how horrible Ken is, then Adrienne runs to Kyle and tells her to go talk to her sister.  Kyle goes, but with an attitude.

Kim tells Kyle she is unhappy, she cries all the time, and she is leaving Ken. Who knows if it’s true, but one could argue she made it up to distract people from the fact that she is wasted all the time.  I should feel bad for Kim but I feel bad for Ken.  Thank God this show is almost over.

Kim and Kyle have a super dysfunctional relationship.  Kim is reaching out for help and Kyle is crying about how she has never apologized to her.  Even in the saddest moment for her sister, she makes it about her again.  That said, this is the top layer of a very deep situation.

We now see how sick Kim really is and it’s a glimpse into the frustrations Kyle has with Kim.  During the season I have written about Kyle based on what we saw, and we don’t really see anything.  Kyle is selfish and narcissistic, but maybe I should cut her some slack after this week.

By cut some slack of course I mean I am not going to cut slack to a woman who put her desire for fame ahead of her sister.  She was so lovely last year, then this year her popularity went to her head and she got a little ugly. I liked Kyle but just don’t buy into her anymore.

Kim tells Kyle her period is three months late and she might be pregnant. Really?  She takes off her shoe and claps it in her hand saying she is going to have another baby, then instantly slips into a daydream where she says she is going to travel instead of a baby. Whack-a doodle crazy.

Kim tells the camera she wants a puppy not a baby, and tells Kim she is too scared to take a pregnancy test.  I’m guessing she bought one, smoked it, and has not had a chance to get a new one.  Mauricio and Ken come over and it’s just weird.  This show is a train wreck.

Kyle tells the camera she cannot help Kim unless she makes changes in her life and is at a loss for what she can do. You take your sister kicking and screaming to get help and don’t allow her to go on a reality show when you know she is not well and will publically unravel.

Cut to a minute later when Kyle is now perfectly fine and greeting Taylor. The editing is clearly done by people who have no idea what they are doing. I’ve got whiplash with all the flipping back and forth between time and space.  It makes no sense and is embarrassing for Bravo.

Taylor uses Lisa’s opening to have a powwow with the girls to help them understand what is happening with her.  I want to scream!  They are having group therapy with Taylor and her doctor at a private party?  This show is ridiculous and I am struggling to understand why we watch.

How is it that while this is going on, having just seen that Kim is high and possibly pregnant, Kim is nowhere to be found?  Why is this meeting happening here, and why is Kyle not with her sister when she just told her the man she brought to the party is abusive to her?

Kim is in the bathroom, clearly getting up to no good, Ken is begging her to come out, she is too wasted to be smart enough to remove her mic pack, and Taylor is telling the girls Russell hit her. Taylor’s crying is annoying me, then Adrienne steps in and reminds us they don’t believe her.

Taylor instantly turns off the waterworks and Adrienne stands up for Camille with the lawsuit threat from Russell.  Adrienne is screaming that Camille has a lawsuit against her and we all know she did not.  Russell wrote a threat, but no lawsuit was ever filed.  Such crap.

Taylor tells them, then us, that she was physically abused by Russell, but she is going to co-parent with him.  If my husband were hitting me, he would not be allowed anywhere near my child until he got help. How can you believe anything that Taylor says?  I’m just not buying it.

Everyone accepts Taylor’s apology but something fishy is going on.  I personally think this scene was shot after Russell died and the crying is crap.  They hold hands and have a kumbaya moment while Kim is in the bathroom trying to smoke her vibrator.  Such a mess.

Next week is the season finale and we will see Pandora’s wedding.  It will be gorgeous and I cannot wait to get a front row seat.  It will be a bit of fluff until we get the reunion, which is what I am all most looking forward to. That is going to be really interesting to say the least.

Normally I would think it will be bunch of denial and sweeping of things under the carpet, but we now have Brandi and I’m guessing she will call everyone out. I’m curious to see who sits next to who on the couch, if Andy will be firm, and if any of the ladies will be able to keep it real.