Princess of Long Island Finale Recap

Typos brought to you by vodka.

This is the dumbest and most offensive show Bravo has ever produced.  I say this only in part because I am Jewish and they are perpetuating Jewish stereotypes, but also because these women are mortifying as women, friends, and human beings.  It needs to go.  The funniest thing about this show is watching the princesses beg people to like them on Twitter, then retweet the hell out of any compliment they get.  They are a train wreck and I am ready for this show to by thrown into the garbage. If it is renewed I will be surprised, and I will not be watching.

We pick up at the winery and Ashlee is missing, having walked away from the only friends she has, Chanel.  Erica, Joey and Amanda have gone to be on the boat, and Chanel is looking for her. She is crying and in talking about Ashlee being sick last year, she makes it all about her.  It is stressful for her.  Chanel is dramatic, and frankly silly.  These women are all stunted in terms of their ages. Instead of living on their own and being grown ups, they are in a time warp where they are forever 16 and stupid. Screw Ashlee, it is party time!

Erica screeching out “Daddy” makes my ears bleed.  Watching the crew stare at the boobs is hilarious, and that they are talking smack about Ashlee, not knowing where she is or how she is doing, is pathetic.  Throwing Chanel under the bus for not going to the boat with them, and getting sucked in the Ashlee drama, is disgusting.  These are not only stupid girls, but also really mean.  Joey in particular is vicious.  Amanda is too dumb to be mean on purpose, and Erica is hideous.  She tells her father she has broken her vagina and I want to swallow glass to distract myself.

Amanda gets a text that Ashlee is in the hospital.  Chanel hears from Ashlee’s parents that she has been admitted and I cannot stand the crying. Joey feels bad that Ashlee is in the hospital.  They got the text in the sun, and it is now dark, so they didn’t care enough to go check on her, just enough to lie about it. Erica is eating with her mouth open again and I want to smack her.  As soon as they are sorry, they take it back and blame Ashlee for being in the hospital.  Erica goes so far as saying God is punishing Ashlee for hurting her feelings.  I hate these people.

Turns out Ashlee hitchhiked to a hospital because she had a panic attack.  I am sorry, but I am laughing.  I feel for her and do not think it was anything but terrifying, but come on.  This is insanity.  Her parents enable her crap and it is not good for anyone.  I am now on cocktail number 4.  Lord give me strength to make it through. Cut to Casey who is out with Amanda to let her know she was wrong to leave Ashlee.  Casey is going to fix things? Casey is a moron.  I truly cannot stand this show. I will not watch if is it is renewed.  I will not blog, but will mock on Twitter.

This is really not any of Casey’s business so she is out of line.  This is a conversation for Chanel, not Casey.  Casey bails on Amanda.  Cut to Ashlee and Chanel, Ashlee is crying about how she had to be given a Benadryl.  I am really sorry to be laughing, but this is just too funny.  Ashlee is no longer going to be friends with Joey, Amanda, or Erica.  Chanel makes it about a Jewish holiday, which is laughable because these chicks are not practicing Jews, and Chanel is not wearing the clothes of a Modern Orthodox women. This show has nothing to do with Judaism.

Chanel wants everyone to make peace.  Chanel should start drinking to take the edge off of her friendships.  Amanda and Jeff are off on an adventure. Their voices separately are annoying, but together it is just too much.  I’ve got the volume off and the closed captions on.  That’s how I roll.  Jeff has taken Amanda onto the train where they met.  They are reminiscing about when they first saw each other and it is sweet.  His speech to her is cute but It is not a marriage proposal, only a promise proposal.  Who does a promise ring in their 30’s?  These people are on my last nerve.

Cut to Amanda and Chanel who are joined by Erica and Joey.  We are waiting on Ashlee.  As a Jew I am offended by their mocking of my faith, so we will skip over the importance of the action and just talk about their attempt to make peace.  Ashlee turns up and Chanel is crying again.  Blah, blah, blah. I love this girl, but it is just too much. Amanda is crying because her mother is suffocating her and in doing so she is stuck with a promise ring, not an engagement. No apology to Ashlee, just a whine about not getting the right ring.

Erica apologizes to Ashlee, but she is not moved, then sort of admits she is an alcoholic.  Casey makes Erica’s drinking about her.  These girls are ridiculous.  Joey is crying about being kicked out by her dad.  Still, no real apology to Ashlee.  Ashlee tells the girls she had a stroke last year and was bed ridden for eight months.  It is very sad and I feel for her.  I still think she is ridiculous, but I feel for her.  Nice that she had her parents to help her, but at 30 she needs to get out of the house already. She then throws it down on the fake friendships.

Casey is sticking her surgically altered nose into something that is not her business.  Ashlee says it could have ended with her on a milk carton and the comparison to her being a kid on a milk carton is laughable.  Amanda is blaming Ashlee, Ashlee is over it, and these chicks will never be real friends, because they never were real friends.  This show is stupid, these women are lame, and they need to be shelved. There is an old Jewish proverb that says, put idiots on television and nothing they say or do will be about keeping it real.