Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap Part 2

Tonight's typos are generously brought to you by Merlot.

I think this is the last piece of the Orange County pie and I am thrilled. These women have been dragging us through the gutter for far too long. We start with a recap of Shannon’s season and her green lifestyle. She’s quirky, but she was interesting and the only one I would recommend bringing back. Shannon defends her holistic doctor and choices for her home and life. Whatever. Andy asks about Heather making fun of Shannon’s hair color and Heather immediately jumps in to say she was joking. No she wasn’t. Heather is a bitch and there is no point in denial.

Vicki says the feng shui expert that Shannon introduced her too have helped her business and now done her home also. Andy wants to know why Vicki was so friendly with Shannon in the beginning yet equally as mean to Lizzie. Vicki says it was not on purpose and she meant no harm. Over to Lizzie, Andy asks about her sex life and she assures him they are having lots of sex. Really? She complained about her lacking sex life all season and we are supposed to believe it is all good now? I think Lizzie is in denial about her life, her fame, and the intelligence of her husband. 

Lizzie is still talking about her birthday party and I’m done. There is not enough booze in my house for an hour of this. Tamra says she is sorry and points out she gave Lizzie a year membership to her gym as a gift. That was hilarious to me. Tamra is a joke and her time here is up. We're now talking about Tamra and her delusions of having a baby with her poached eggs and soon to be ex-husband. We see a recap of robot baby and are reminded how ridiculous this woman is. Eddie is certain he does not want a kid, but perhaps it is Tamra’s kid he doesn’t want.

Vicki and Lizzie don’t think Tamra should have anther baby and it pisses Tamra off. Andy brings up Simon suing for more custody and Tamra says Jeana Keough called to offer her support in the case. I don’t believe that. We'll never know what is really going on. Time to review the breakdown and repair of Shannon’s marriage. This season really did suck. Shannon says her marriage is strong and connected and sexual and good. Bless her. I wish her and David well. Shannon is harmless, the only entertaining one, and a refreshing reality personality.

Shannon is annoyed with Heather for claiming things were said by her that she never said. I like Shannon’s balls when it comes to standing up for herself. It is a shame the troubles of her marriage were played out on TV for her kids to see, but in the end Mazel Tov. Heather says her house is coming along and we jump into the fake phone call from Heather to get out of a party. Heather assures Vicki it was not fake and we go into a recap of Heather’s season. Ugh. This is too much. There is nothing appealing about this woman or her husband. Nothing.

Do we really need to be talking to Heather about how she talks and her hand movements for 10 minutes? I don’t think so. Now it is time to review Tamra’s lying. Maybe we will finally get something good because until now I’ve been bored to tears. Tamra is going to try to turn it around on Vicki. Tamra is desperate to save face and she can’t. Vicki calls Tamra a liar and Tamra screams F you and goes after Vicki in a big way. Vicki says Tamra was miserable all season and was jealous that Vicki had such a successful and popular season. Ouch.

Vicki brings up Tamra’s marriage and why she is so mean and angry if her marriage is so happy. Vicki shuts it down and I love Vicki right now. Heather is brought in and I zone out. Who care about Heather’s opinion? Tamra is mad at Vicki for not being her good friend. Are we seriously talking about Brooks again? For the love of God. Nobody cares about Brooks and they have got to let it go. Andy jumps onto the marry, shag, kill game and what Lizzie really said. The screaming and talking over each other is lame. Tamra is behaving like an animal.

Lizzie is useless so clarifying her feelings is irrelevant, but then Lizzie calls Tamra a bitter old lady and it is perfect. Andy asks Tamra point blank if she was talking behind everyone’s back and Tamra says everyone did it. Tamra is a pathological liar. She denies saying anything about taking the Beador’s down, but I believe she did. Tamra apologizes to Shannon but is unable to admit she did anything wrong all season and thinks everyone did the same things she did, but that is not true. Tamra needs to walk away from this show and save herself.

Tamra is doing herself more harm than good. This is not good for her marriage, kids, or sanity. Lizzie starts crying and I’ll be surprised if Tamra or Lizzie comes back. They need to go for different reasons. Andy asks what they learned this season. Shannon learned to focus on her marriage and family. Vicki learned she is going to be who she wants to be. Lizzie learned to not be so trusting. Heather learned to let it go. Tamra learned to keep quiet. We all learned this show is dumb and not even new faces could help them keep it real.