LeAnn and Eddie Week 5 Recap

Tonight's typos are brought to you by Jose Cuervo.

I was in Canada last week when this aired. It was interesting because I spoke to a few people about this show and nobody seemed to care about LeAnn or Eddie at all. Everyone had a lot of questions about Brandi Glanville, but nothing was of interest about LeAnn. When I went online to see if I could watch the show, the VH1 website had a page of current programming, but LeAnn and Eddie was not even listed on the first page. You had to look for it and only one was available to view. 

I watch of course, so you don’t have to, and this episode confirmed this show is ridiculous, not worth watching, and in the end only proving how unlikeable this couple is. There is nothing charming or sweet about them. We occasionally get glimpses into how mentally unstable LeAnn is, which inspires some pity, but Eddie is a putz with a wonky eye who doesn’t seem to do anything. Important to note when I say LeAnn is mental I really mean sociopathic, and it is of course only “alleged”. 

We start with the “happy” couple on a hike. LeAnn’s fingers are bandaged but we get no explanation. Fascinating since she tweeted pictures about the injury for days and wouldn't stop talking about it. You'd have thought she was dying until you realized the story kept changing and the injury wasn't a big deal. As they hike and have fake, scripted banter, Eddie teases her and talks about her ass while peeing in the bushes. Remember when Eddie was an actor? Me neither.

LeAnn lets us know she wishes she had a penis so she could pee in bushes too. I’m not convinced she doesn’t have one, but sweet she has dreams. Cut to the fake house in Malibu, that we first saw on MDLLA, and the Craig’s List actors who are pretending to be LeAnn and Eddie’s assistants. This really is quite funny. By funny of course I mean these two are not even a little  funny. LeAnn’s friend is coming for a visit with her new baby.  LeAnn is all about the baby, but  Eddie doesn't care.

The baby arrives and LeAnn welcomes her by comparing baby poop to her own. Really? Eddie gets out of the fake house quickly because he has a haircut the exact moment the baby arrives. It is painfully clear Eddie doesn't want a kid. Period. Over to the haircut, he sits down and immediately bashes Brandi. From where I sit he looks at his ex, looks at his wife, and wonders what the hell he did. He has attached himself to the wrong wagon. #BrandiWins

The hairdresser wants to talk about Brandi. He obviously wants an introduction. Eddie is revolting and where his dimples used to be the most interesting part of his face, I am now obsessed with his wonky eye. The hairdresser is single, using a fake broken phone to attract whores, and Eddie, lthough “happily married”, will take one for the team and go out with him. This guy is a pig who cheats on his wife. Insert legally required “allegedly” here. This show blows.

Back to LeAnn, she is with her friends, the baby, and her mom, talking about facelifts and boob jobs, when it is suggested LeAnn babysit. I would think LeAnn is actually writing this crap but I don’t know if she can read or write, so maybe it is just some other idiot. MazelTov for finding someone as stupid as her. That must have been hard. We jump into babysitting and Eddie is going out for a beer.  He offers to stay which made me laugh out loud. As if.

The fake babysitting begins and LeAnn gets a call from her producer Darrell. We won’t talk about him, he's an ignorant asshole. You can search his name on my blog and see why. LeAnn is going to multitask and take the baby to a fake business meeting. Thank God I have tequila in the house. In one scene she is telling us she is experienced as a “mom”, then cut to her not knowing how to use a car seat. No mother is letting her take their baby out. This is bullshit.

Between the idiotic questions about the car seat and her heels, there is no way that baby should leave with her, even if it is scripted. The mom is giving her a list of what she should take and I am over it. This is insanely stupid. It would appear LeAnn wants us to think she has a “global” business and I'm laughing at her. She literally cannot give away tickets to shows, but she is some global talent? Whatever. The baby is crying, the meeting is lame, I’m doing shots.

Sidebar: I am going to my first LeAnn Rimes concert. Tickets have been secured and I look forward to it. I'm interested to see if she tapes lyrics to the floor, wears shoes, texts Eddie between songs, and is drunk. All things that have been reported. By reported of course I mean put on YouTube. I welcome a meet and greet should Ms. Rimes have the balls. I come with an open mind and no agenda. This blog is about her show and that blog will is about the concert.

LeAnn is offered a song that needs to be done that day. Eddie leaves at lunch for a beer, yet walks into the bar at night. He meets the loser hairdresser and two girls. Eddie sits next to the girls not the hairdresser and I am wondering exactly how many casting calls they had on Craig’s List. This is pathetic.  Eddie wants us to think he has pics of LeAnn and the baby on his phone? These fake sluts don’t know who he is, but know who is LeAnn is? What are people at VH1 smoking?

Sidebar: Everytime LeAnn tweets she loves the show from one of her fake accounts, she then retweets it from her official account. She tweets herself saying she wants another season of LeAnn and Eddie from her fake accounts, then retweets it, again to herself and VH1. The only people who want another season of this show are people who need an excuse to drink. If this show gets another season, there is something seriously wrong with America and we should all turn off our televisions.

The bad actresses go the bathroom, Eddie checks out their asses then gets mad at the hairdresser for inviting him with women, meanwhile he told the guy he would go out with him. It is impossible to dumb down enough for anything on this show to make sense. Cut to Eddie getting home, the baby is now sleeping over? What happened to the all night recording session? Wait! She is going to leave the baby with Eddie and go. For the love of God. B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.

Another 22 minutes of garbage ends. LeAnn tells us she is not ready to balance a baby and work. Translation: Eddie has had a vasectomy and she is going to blame no baby on infertility. Next week we’ll watch LeAnn go to a fertility doctor to get sympathy. Like everything about this show, not buying it. She's not having a baby and why she would want one with an unemployed loser? My liver and me will be back next week and unlike this show, keeping it real.