Real Housewives of Orange County: What is up with reality TV Jews?

*Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Jose Cuervo.

Last week Heather told Shannon: “I feel like something is going up and I want to know what is going on”. What? This pretentious woman likes to point out how dumb the others are, but she does not have a handle on the English language. Listening to her is funny if you can overlook the headache she causes. I had high hopes for Heather when she started, but alas, she is just another Jewish reality star that is bad for Jews. I’m not sure how many Jews live in OC, but surely Bravo can do better.

We start this week with Shannon getting ready for her budget-less Christmas party. We jump to Tamra, who is with her son Ryan, who has taken so many growth hormones he may have a stroke. Tamra is desperate to be young which is sad, because she is not young and nothing this doctor does for her will make her young. As for Ryan, he is a mess and looking for something that matters, but is unable to get his life together. Tamra fake cries and I roll my eyes at her fakeness.

Heather is at Good Day LA and tells us how busy and fabulous her life as an actress is. Did you know? Heather is an actress. She is very important. She calls a press junket a “celebration” of what she’s done. Heather is ridiculous. She is asked to co-host the show and she is thrilled. Bless her. Over to Tamra, she is telling Eddie Ryan’s test result, where the doctor said he could has a heart issue, is “a little disturbing”. Really? Mother of the year Tamra. I’m kidding. You’re not.

Time for Shannon’s Christmas party. Heather’s episode of Hawaii 5-O is on she is being inundated with text messages from the east coast telling her how fabulous she is. Well, that makes sense because she is an actress. An actress!  Are we supposed to believe they're on their way out and the show is not being recorded? I call bullshit. She has had it recorded in ever room for weeks. Back to the party, guests are arriving and Tamra is wearing a jumpsuit that Shannon does not approve of.

Tamra looks like a hooker circa 1972. Shannon takes Tamra off alone and bags on Heather. She points out Heather is an actress, which made me spit out my wine. Perfection. Lizzie and Heather have arrived, then Vicki turns up. Time for dinner and Heather takes Tamra and Eddie off to tell them she is going to have them on Good Day LA. Tamra could not care any less because Heather already had another gym on. Tamra is right, but handling it wrong. Heather is a twat.

Heather and Tamra are fighting, trying to figure out who is more hurtful. Heather has a tone in her voice that would piss me off. Eddie is siding with Heather, Terry is silly, and Tamra is not buying what Heather says. Vicki meets a gay man and tells him he doesn't look gay. Vivki should just not speak. Vicki and Heather go off to chat and Vicki fake cries about Briana moving to Oklahoma. Vicki is talking about Donn, and divorce, and I'm bored. She is having a pity party at Shannon’s party.

Tamra, Shannon, Danielle, and Lizzie are all together while Tamra tells them about Heather having another gym on Good Day LA as she gets drunk. Shannon is pushing Tamra to throw Heather under the bus. Tamra says Heather told her to pick a side between her and Shannon. Oh Dear. Things are getting heated when Heather and Vicki join the group. Everyone is quiet and Lizzie says it is lame and they should talk about it. Lizzie is on fire and needs to mind her own business.

Heather’s vocabulary cracks me up. She is idiotic. Shannon calls her out for being condescending. This is gross. Tamra is a troublemaker, Shannon has a pole up her ass, Lizzie is desperate for camera time, and this show sucks. Heather and Terry get “a call” from their son and have to leave. This show is on her last breath. It is weird they have fights then kiss goodbye.  These women don’t like each other and we don’t like them either. When is Bravo going to start keeping it real?