Real Housewives of Orange County Hoedown Recap

This show is not interesting anymore. I'm watching and blogging, but only because I am paid to, not because it is fun. Thank goodness for wine. Lots and lots of wine. We start off with Heather, who is with her kids baking in her painfully small rental house. How she manages to live in such squalor, being a successful actress, proves how brave she is.

Terry arrives home and Heather tells him about dinner with the ladies, in front of her kids. Why do these people insist on doing this crap with their kids in the room?  Heather speaks of Shannon being scary and I am laughing. Heather is a pretentious twat that proves once again there are no normal Jews on reality TV. I am over her on this, or any other show.

Cut to Shannon who is shopping for cowboy boots with Vicki, for Heater’s hoedown. Vicki looks puffy. Shannon is great TV when she is not dumping all over her husband. Vicki is pretending to not know Lizzie’s name. She knows her name, and is simply jealous and trying to make Lizzie feel uncomfortable. Brooks will want to bang Lizzie.

Vicki is now back at work and Briana is visiting for lunch with baby Troy. Vicki says it is a pleasant surprise and I am laughing. The cameras are there, and she brought lunch. There is no surprise. Briana is moving to Oklahoma and wants Vicki to come help her find a house. We are only minutes in and I’m so bored I could scream, but just drink more.

It is time for the hoedown. It is painfully pretentious and giving me headache. Terry and Heather are posers, namedroppers, and frankly creepy in their need to show people how rich and fancy they are. Lizzie and Tamra arrive. Lizzie’s boobs are distracting and Tamra immediately throws Vicki under the bus.

Heather gives a speech about her groundbreaking, telling people to write out good wishes for them, and I am rolling my eyes. This is just too dumb. Vicki and Shannon arrive an hour late and Heather and Terry are offended. Vicki tells Lizzie it is nice to meet her. Classic Vicki dig. These women behave like all the girls in high school we hated.

Shannon is upset her husband is talking to a beautiful woman and fails to introduce her. She calls him out on it and once again she is all about humiliating her husband. Cut to Heather now scolding Shannon about being late. Shannon cries because she feels Heather humiliates her, yet doesn’t seem to care about how she humiliates her husband.

Why is Shannon crying? This woman is so miserable she can't control her emotions. Hate your husband? Get a divorce. It’s not rocket science. Tamra tells Heather she is in the middle between Shannon and Heather, and says Heather needs to talk to Shannon. Dear Lord. These women are lame. Vicki is now apologizing to Lizzie for being mean.

For the love of God, why am I watching? Vicki tells Heather Shannon is crying. Heather tells her they were late and it was rude. Heather starts talking, in love with her own voice and therefore going on an on, when Vicki pretends to snore, having fallen asleep from how boring she is. Heather storms off. The party is ruined!

Luckily Heather is an actress and will be able to pull it together. Did you know Heather was an actress?  A really good one with a career and everything. Heather is now crying. Everyone is talking to everyone about everyone without talking to the person they have issues with. This is worse than high school because they should know better.

Terry tells Vicki and Tamra they need to be nicer to his wife. So unattractive. Time for some mechanical bull riding. Heather gets on in a dress, mistake, and is mad she falls off so when Tamra gets on, tells the operator to make it go fast. Tamra falls off and hurts herself. Heather says she will fire the operator. What a bitch she is.

This show is hard to watch and even harder to blog. There is nobody interesting, no storylines with any real entertainment value, and no women I would want to be friends with in real life. This show is simply addictive, like cheap drugs bought on the street, and we know no good can come of that. I am the only thing about this show keeping it real.