Real Housewives of Orange County Introduces Lizzie

I watch this show with wine. Sadly the wine doesn’t make it interesting, but it does make it go by faster. We start this week with new girl Shannon. Her daughters are gorgeous. Her husband comes home to take her out for a night at a hotel. She is surprised, but also rude. She has been bitching since we met her that her husband ignores her, yet here he is trying to do something special and she is a bitch.

David points out how messy her car is and any shot in hell they have of enjoying themselves is getting smaller. Over to Vicki, she is going to wallpaper her office to make it homier since she is there so much. It would appear Vicki values work more than herself and it is sad. That this woman is still declaring her love of Brooks makes her look so dumb we can’t admire her work ethic. Vicki makes it hard to like her.

David and Shannon arrive at the hotel. He starts off by telling the bellman that his wife snores. He then says they should get in bed, in front of the bellman. The flirting is ridiculous. I don’t get these two.  Cutting to Tamra and Eddie, they are off to an ugly sweater party. Heather and Terry are also going to the party. Terry asks Heather what she did all week, which strikes me as odd. Do they not talk?

Heather is cautious about Tamra and rather than just say she is nervous to get hurt, she uses a lot of big words so we remember she is smart. Amazing she got through a scene without telling us she is an actress. Back to Shannon and David, they are in their robes, have cocktails, and she is acting like a hooker on her first job. Oy vey. There is no sexual energy and she is still complaining. I just can’t with this woman.

The ugly sweater party begins and we are introduced to the other new gal, Lizzie. Her boobs arrive first, then her husband. Poor girl is on the show for less than a minute and she trips and falls. Bravo could have skipped that as there will be much more embarrassing things, but whatever. Lizzie is a beautiful girl and it will be interesting to see what she brings to the show. Certainly all the sex appeal Shannon lacks.

Tamra arrives letting us know she does not do ugly people. Not ugly sweaters, but rather ugly people. Sidebar: Lizzie looks like the chick from that first year of marriage show on Bravo. Heather arrives and lets us know she is Jewish, but also has a Christmas tree. I hate it when reality television Jews are gross. Ugh. Everyone is meeting everyone and pretending to be nice when we know they are all raging bitches.

Time for dinner with Brooks and Vicki. For the love of God, why is he still here? Vicki tells Brooks he looks sexy and I waste good tequila spitting out with my laughter. Damn you Vicki. She tells Brooks she chose him over her daughter and I don’t think I can watch. If they make out I will vomit. He denies ever hitting a woman, clearly missing the point that abuse does not always include physical violence. Brooks is a dick.

We leave the grossness that is Vicki and Brooks and go to the grossness that is David and Shannon. They are out for dinner, he tells her she is beautiful and she jumps all over him saying the compliment meant he wanted her to have bigger boobs. He tells her they don’t need to be bigger, just tighter. These two are humiliating themselves and their children for a few dollars and I am disgusted. I have no respect for them.

Shannon is crying because her feelings are hurt to not be a priority. Dear Lord. Have sex and talk about this at home. Why would he bother taking her out ever if all she does is bitch? Back in sweater hell, Lizzie tells Heather she was an actress and you can see the tension in Heather’s eyes.  By tension of course I mean she wants to stab Lizzie in the heart. Heather is the only actress on this show Lizzie. Know it!

Heather talks fancy, Tamra is a moron, and we are now watching David seduce Shannon. He has spread rose petals around the room and into a heart on the bed, but she is not drunk enough and chugs some booze. It is awkward and uncomfortable. I cannot imagine the sex was good. In fact, I’m guessing it didn’t happen at all. Heather and Terry win the ugliest sweater couple. It was rigged. Another drink please.

Lizzie has a cute husband and two gorgeous little boys. She has a line of bathing suites. I like this girl. We all know that will change, but I like her now. She seems like a nice woman with a good heart who can carry on a conversation. We leave Lizzie and now go out for dinner with Tamra and Eddie. He brings up Tamra’s Simon tattoo. Really? Move on loser. Tamra wants to talk about having a baby. I really just can’t.

Tamra may lose custody of her minor children and wants another one incase that happens. Brilliant reason to have a baby. Eddie tells her she can have a baby, but he is not raising it and she will need to do it on her own. Tamra is crying about wanting a baby she doesn’t have to share. This coming from the woman with 2 divorces and 2 two baby daddies. Ugh. Tamra needs to get over the baby and start keeping it real.