Real Housewives of New York – Single White Ghostwriter

*Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Cabernet.

We are back in New York and as blogger I am thrilled. These women do not disappoint and even though I like some and not others, they are fun to write about. Even when they behave badly there is something that seems real in a way the cities don’t. These women are believable. They are open about not liking each other, tolerate each other for the show, and that candor is refreshing. I am in a New York state of mind and have a glass of wine, so here we go.

We are with Aviva and Carole, who is simply throwing Aviva a bone on this one. In the interest of full disclosure, I think Carole is fabulous and Aviva is an idiot. Aviva is moving and tells Carole her apartment is full of gorgeous movers. If anyone has ever moved, in any city, you know there are may be 2 or 3 beautiful movers in a crew of 15 and the rest require a power outage to make out with, so Aviva is bending the truth. Not at all a surprise as Aviva is a liar.

Aviva is acting weird and Carole is freaked out by her self-confessed single white female imitation. Carole says imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery, but rather flattery is the sincerest form of flattery. Aviva tells Carole she is writing a memoire about her life. Ugh. Aviva says she did not hire a ghostwriter because she is a writer. Dear Lord. Aviva is an idiot and her passive aggressive digs at Carole and their newfound shared profession is pissing me off.

Cut to Ramona, she is at a wine shop helping Aviva select wine for the housewarming party she is throwing for herself. Apparently Ramona has become a sommelier. Aviva jumps right into her “disturbing” lunch with Carole. We then go to Carole, who is out with Heather and Kristen. I hate when they jump back and forth between two groups and one conversation. It is exhausting. By exhausting of course I mean I am drinking and it is all rather boring.

Carole is telling the girls about Aviva asking her about a ghostwriter, and Aviva is bitching about Carole asking if she had a ghostwriter. Aviva is mocking Carole’s labeling herself a writer and starts to talk gossip about how Carole’s book sucked, she had a ghostwriter, and getting her book sold was a chore. Oy vey. Aviva is coming into the show stirring the pot and soon everyone will despise her as I do. It is just a matter of time. Carole is not happy with the accusations.

The cackling hen syndrome has begun and they better nip this in the bud or we will lose our patience.  Heather, her husband and kids are over for dinner at Kristen’s house with her family.  Heather speaks of her son and his liver transplant and it makes me cry. I cry because I marvel at her strength as a parent and I cry with joy my son is healthy. Kristen says her daughter ineeds leg braces and she is able to count her blessings through Heather, which is lovely. 

Over with Aviva, we see her moving crew and FYI, not all gorgeous. She is moving to a new place on the Upper West Side. Her ex-husband Harry comes over with their son and lets Aviva know he has a date with Sonja. This is strange and in front of their child, gross. Jumping to Sonja, she is getting dressed in front of her intern and I do not get how this is okay.  Kristen and Sonja are getting spray tans and Sonja is lusting over Kristen who knows it and feels awkward.

They get to talking about Carole and Aviva and the writer situation. Kristen and Sonja are gorgeous. Heather is having a pedicure with Aviva and these scripted visits are annoying in other cities, yet oddly entertaining here. Heather is digging around for details on Aviva’s book. Aviva tells Heather her book is for anyone who reads. I am laughing my ass off. Heather is trying to get Aviva to admit she has a ghostwriter and Aviva is trying to make herself feel like a real writer.

Time for Sonja’s date with Harry and it is uncomfortable to watch. I love Sonja but feel like she is humiliating herself and doing herself no favors in terms of how her ex-husband and daughter will view her.  They are cute together but he is using her and I hope she isn't hurt. She is desperate for love and I hope she finds it. Harry and Sonja make out, then we see Sonja filling the damage on her Chanel bag with a Sharpie and it breaks my heart. It is endearing yet truly sad.

Time for Aviva’s party. Have we just been told Aviva and her new husband sleep on the same bed she shared with Harry?  Ugh. Everyone is talking about writing books and ghostwriters and it is all quite funny as all the ladies pick a side. Ramona tells Carole Aviva is telling everyone she used a ghostwriter and Carole is ready to go into battle. Ramona is proud of her pot stiring skills. Carole and Aviva go off alone and Carole explains to Aviva she is a writer.

Carole wants Aviva to understand writing is her job and she does not want Aviva to compare them as it is like comparing apples to spaceships. Classic. Aviva tells Carole she was condescending and Carole assures her she is supportive of her book deal. Then Aviva lets Carole know she heard about her ghostwriter and the gloves are off.  Aviva says that is the word on the street, which I take to mean Aviva does a lot of her best work on the street. Aviva is a moron.

Aviva talks crap about Carole, then Carole says Aviva is nothing as he has never had a job outside the home. Being a mother is a job so she needs to take that back. She has no children and so I can overlook Carole’s ridiculous statement. Aviva on the other hand is a miserable, jealous, unhappy woman who is desperate to be Carole and will do all kinds of shady stuff to make it happen. Newsflash Aviva, you are not in the same league. Know it because I am keeping it real.