Real Housewives of Atlanta Viva Mexico!

*Tonight's typos are generously sponsored by Jose Cuervo.

I have had a impossibly relaxing Sunday and the thought of these women sucking the joy out of that makes me think I shouldn’t blog this show tonight. Being a professional however, I am going to dive in and do my job because I know people are waiting to read it. By dive in of course I mean I opened a bottle of wine, chugged my first glass, and am now sipping on a second as I settle in with the “ladies” of Atlanta. Here we go.

Cynthia is having a scripted scene with Nene under the guise of shopping. Nene is mad at Kenya and Marlo. Cynthia is trying to figure out what happened. Cynthia is a trouble maker and it is funny how she plays dumb. I mean she is dumb of course, but she plays dumb in terms of the fighting, much of which she starts by sticking her nose where it does not belong. Nene says speaking of Marlo is forbidden.

Cut to Kenya who is having a scripted visit with Marlo. Kenya feels bad, Marlo is heartbroken, and I am laughing because come on, none of these women are really friends. Marlo lets Kenya know that Nene said you cannot be friends with both her and Kenya. All the ladies need to pick a side and Marlo chose Kenya so now she is out. These women are too old to be acting like immature teenagers.

Jumping to Phaedra and her made for prison marriage, her kids are ridiculously fantastic. I love her kids. Phaedra and Apollo are having what is clearly a scripted conversation, because you just know they don’t speak in real life. They talk about the other ladies in front of Aiden, which I think is bad. These people are gross. Phaedra tells him of the trip to Mexico, but she does not want him to go because Kenya will be there.

Best line ever is when Phaedra says she would rather have Porsha write her Black History final exams than go away with Kenya. That is funny. Phaedra wants to take Dwight as her plus one and Apollo is offended. I might need to chug this second glass too. We now head over to Peter, who is visiting with Cordell at the house he used to share with Porsha. Cordell says his marriage ended because of Porsha’s family.

This is he said, she said and I don’t know who to believe. By don’t know of course I mean I don’t care. I think both Porsha and Cordell are lying. She’s really dumb, he’s really calculated, and we are jumping straight into the Mexico trip. Kenya arrives with Ms. Lawrence one day ahead of everyone to get things set up. Translation: pick the best room for herself. I don’t get calling Lawrence a Ms. It is cute, but still, I don’t get it.

Kenya is going to place a gift bag in all the rooms and include a photo of herself. She is a professional shit stirrer, which is good for TV. Cynthia and Peter, Nene and Greg, and Phaedra are all flying to Mexico together. Phaedra is missing the flight because she “lost her passport”. Translation: she is fighting with Apollo about whether or not he can go. Kandi and Todd also arrive and they really are cute, little people.

They are taking the car from the airport to the hotel and Peter tells Porsha he met with Cordell. Peter is gross to talk about this with Porsha, particularly at this exact moment and in front of everyone. Porsha takes it all in stride and I hope the topic is done and dusted. Kenya greets the gang with a mariachi band, in a bikini and poncho, and it is ridiculous. Ms. Lawrence is unveiled at Kenya’s guest. No African Prince this time.

Kenya tells Nene she gets the other Presidential Suite as an apology for the pajama party. Kenya plays the game so well.  Cut to dinner, Cynthia goes to check in on Porsha and tells her Cordell is coming so they can spend time together. She’s kidding, which was funny, but poor Porsha got scared. Bless her. Porsha calls out Cynthia on Peter. She wants to know if Cynthia knew about their visit and didn’t tell her.

Cynthia says she knew nothing and Porsha tells us she is not one to mudsling. Really? She has been saying Cordell is gay. That sounds like mud to me. Everyone arrives to dinner and the clothes are ridiculous. I mean really, who wears those shoes in real life? Kenya starts the drama by seating everyone not with their partner. Kenya is itching to start a fight. Bravo. Phaedra turns up, with Apollo.

Before we know it, Gregg jumps in on Porsha and tells her she needs to think about her relationship and consider getting back with Cordell. I’m bored and Peter doesn’t speak English very well. This is a series of lies and only Porsha and Cordell know the truth and that truth is never going to be shared here so move on. Peter tells the group what Cordell told him and Porsha says she agreed to certain things.

She says she agreed to marry him to hide the fact he was gay. No mudslinging here. She denies what she is saying has anything to do with him being gay. Right. She is so dumb she cannot keep her stories straight. The episode ends with bad feelings and next week things will get ugly, which is exactly what Kenya wanted. These chicks are anything but classy, but good TV, even if they aren’t good at keeping it real.