Real Housewives of Miami Finale Recap

I have not blogged the entire season because I was bored a lot of the time. These chicks are sloppy and not entertaining. I’ve watched, usually while doing something else, and drinking as I marvel at the insane amount of plastic surgery.  It is finally over and the big finale is all about the wedding of sexless and beautiful Joanna and Romain.

It has been a season of crying, yelling, mean girls.  None of them like each other and are not good enough actresses to pull the friendships off.  Lisa is allowing us to watch her marriage crumble, Joanna is sharing that she has no sex, Lea is a liar jealous of the younger women, Alexia is using her kids unfortunate situations as a storyline, and Adriana is just odd and a moron.

The ladies are in a car driving from Las Vegas to San Diego because they got so drunk and out of control at the bachelorette party that they missed their flight.  Lisa is vomiting, Joanna is pissed, and after five minutes in I’m not sure I will make it through the whole thing. Luckily it is the last one so I will drop a straw in my bottle of wine and hope for the best.  Cheers!

They go back to the morning they were to leave and I cannot believe how much these chicks packed for 2 nights away.  I also don’t get why they put things in drawers if they were only staying in Vegas overnight.  Joanna is stressed she will miss her wedding and Romain will kill her.  He can;t be bothered to bang her so he’s not going to waste his time killing her.

Cut to Romain who is with Joanna’s mother getting ready for the rehearsal dinner she is going to miss. He calls her and is pissed, understandably, and it just feels like scripted crap.  The Bravo crew is not letting them miss their flight. This is stupid.  Lea is not trusting Adriana, but Adriana thinks they are friends again.  How old are these hags? It’s very high school.

The girls are still driving as Joanna’s sister Marta arrives to the rehearsal dinner.  Marta and Romain don’t like each other. Awkward. Maybe they slept together?  The girls arrive in San Diego and rush into the hotel to get ready. I’m guessing they were always going to drive.  The awkwardness is also between Joanna and Marta and that is sad because they were close.

The rehearsal starts and it is sweet. Romain’s brother is smoking hot. That family has really good genes. The girls are all kissing and being friends, even though the night before they were calling each other whores and bitches. Charming. Alexia and Lisa are missing their husbands. Joanna’s divorced parents are there and I think that is lovely. It’s a sweet moment.

It is odd to me that there is no mention of Marisol. Not a word. Adriana is going to use the rehearsal dinner as an opportunity to apologize to Joanna’s mother for calling out her daughter as a slut. Nice timing. Joanna’s mother is gracious and lovely. Joanna makes sure there is nothing bad going on and the look of love Joanna gives her mother is very touching.

Joanna and Marta have a moment together and it is a shame it is on camera. It should have been private. Marta says she accepts Romain into the family, but she is clearly not really. Weird dynamic and we are not being told the whole story.  Cut to Lisa, she got news from Lenny and wants to share it with Lea.  She shares they have chosen a surrogate to carry their child.

Lisa is crying and says that Lenny just wants to get it done, but she wants to carry her own baby.  It is heartbreaking.  I feel for her on a lot of levels. Sad that she is struggling, sad that he is pressuring her, and hopeful that she can move on and enjoy the fact that she will be a mom and the knowledge that all babies are precious, no matter how they come to us.

It’s wedding time and Joanna wakes up on her wedding day in bed with her mom, which made me cry!  I slept with my mom the night before my wedding and I treasure that memory. That was worth watching the show for. Lea has invited all the ladies to the spa for a facial. Adriana is the only one to show and now Lea is stuck with her because that is how Bravo wrote it.

Adriana tells Lea tshe now does not believe that Lea told the tabloids about her marriage.  She expects Lea to accept her apology and all will go back to normal, but Lea is not having it. She says Adriana is evil to the core and she is over her. Adriana cries, the only housewife with real tears, and Lea is a hardened bitch, which makes me think she feels guilty.

Lea says she does not care if she ever sees her again. Ouch. Blah, blah, blah. Marta and Joanna are having their makeup done and their mom comes and immediately starts crying, which makes me cry too. Why am I crying? It’s the wine! Sidebar: the reunion next week is going to be freaking awesome and the only time these women will actually be honest and open.

Alexia’s son Peter surprises her by coming to the wedding. I feel bad for the struggles she has gone through with her children, however I think it is sad that she shares all their troubles on the show.  Not cool if you ask me. Lea’s son has also come for the wedding. Her husband is probably in court getting a killer or rapist off. I am sickened by the cases Roy Black takes on.

The wedding party walks the aisle and they are a beautiful and plastic looking group. Joanna looks stunning. Her hair extensions are perfect, she is crying, and I think the dress is interesting. Romain cries and cannot read the vows he wrote so the minister reads them for him.  Cute, but he should have read them himself.  Joanna reads hers with no problem. Sweet.

I do not doubt that they love each other, but without sex, she is marrying her brother.  God bless them.  The reception is lovely and everyone is crying. It’s over. Thank God. Did I miss something about Marisol? I haven’t paid close attention but she was there in the beginning of the season. The best thing about this show will be the reunion where they have to keep it real.