Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale Recap

Tonight's typo's are generously provided by Patron.

It is finally going to be over!  It has been a very difficult season to watch, and even harder to write about. This show is all about taking down Teresa and the people doing most of the punching work at Bravo. There is very little entertainment value and we are only watching because we are addicted to it. Interesting that this finale is opposite the series finale of Breaking Bad. Both shows are doing some serious meth.  Buckle up, here we go.

We pick up at Kim D’s event.  I didn’t bother to blog last week because the show was a waste of my time.  Penny is throwing Teresa under the bus, and Joe is saying he believes Penny over Teresa.  Joe is a moron. Melissa is talking crap about Teresa and I am disgusted.  Melissa is the puppet master of her husband.  Interesting since she just wrote a book about how he is the boss and she is a sex slave who is not allowed to poop at home.

Johnny, Penny’s husband comes in and Joe is talking about Johnny’s tweet attacks. Juicy is there and it looks like a scene out of the Sopranos. Only not as interesting or real.  Think about that for a minute.  A scripted show is more realistic than this reality bullshit.  Caroline says it is all Kim D’s fault, which would be fascinating if we cared about anything Caroline said.  Teresa is calling out Penny on her lies, Penny is insisting Teresa is a liar.

Johnny says that all the crap Johnny and Penny have been saying has come from Teresa.  Joe and Johnny get into a physical altercation, Caroline is calling out Kim D, and Melissa is worried about her hair.  Jacqueline calls out Johnny for talking about her kid and the Manzo’s bail.  Melissa is yelling at Teresa, while checking out her reflection in the camera and her desperate need to deflect everything to Teresa is very transparent. Ugh.

Joe and Melissa both tell the camera they know Teresa is to blame for everything.  I’m so done with this show. Cut to Joe and Melissa talking crap about everyone, in front of their kids. For the love of God, enough already. I don’t believe anyone on this show.  I am firmly planted on team Teresa but still, everyone is blowing smoke on some level.  Teresa and Juicy are talking about what happened and I believe them.  I do.

Juicy says that Melissa and Joe are not too smart, which I found to be hilarious.  We are at minute 16 and I am pouring my second drink.  Going back and forth between the two couples is lame and try as they might to make us think it is all happening at the same time, these talks were probably weeks apart.  Cut to Jac and Chris talking about their kid.  He is precious but we are over talking about it.  This is all they ever talk about. Ever.

Kathy and Richie have gone over to Melissa and Joe’s.  I’m bored.  They are cursing, in front of the kids, and I am done.  Kathy and Rich are sharing their opinions, which means it is time to fast forward.  This couple is a waste of my time and listening to Melissa spin her lies is nauseating. The amount of time spent finding ways to include Kathy and Rich would be better spent finding a better writer for this crap.  We don't like them.

Caroline is setting up her new Manzo show and it is lame. She is talking about how blessed she is and grateful that her family is not crazy like the others. She does not talk to half her siblings, which could be interpreted two ways. She is heartbroken and therefore not wanting that for them, or she is enjoying the tension so it is not just her who is troubled.  The bottom line is that I don’t care.  I will not watch or blog the Manzo spin off.

Juicy and Teresa have gone over to visit with Jacqueline and Chris.  Really? They are recapping it all and I simply do not believe that Teresa would go to Jacqueline for comfort or support.  Just not buying it. Sidebar:  I thought Jac had her neck done?  Teresa is owning up to trusting people she should not have, Jac thinks she is admitting some wrong doing, and the blatant manipulation of the truth, by everyone, is making me sick.

We are now at Blk. where everyone is coming to try their new flavors.  They have added crap, vomit, and dirty diaper to the original ass juice.  Bravo boys.  Teresa and Joe are together for the first time since the party. There is tension. Blah, blah, blah.  Teresa takes Joe off for a private chat.  I love Joe.  Shame about his wife.  Teresa tells Joe she loves him, she is sorry and admits that she regrets anything she did to hurt him.

She explains she was hurt and angry.  She tells him she met Penny and Jan for drinks and they told her Melissa cheated but she did nothing because she was angry.  The bottom line is that Kim D started the drama and while Teresa listened, she did not say anything.  Joe tells Teresa that Melissa is not better than her, and I love him for it.  Joe is wonderful when he is not with his wife.  They both cry and hug it out.  Yes, I’m crying.

Teresa and Juicy are at the shore house, having rebuilt after Sandy, and everyone is coming for a BBQ.  Know this, Milania Guidice needs her own show more than the Manzo’s do.  Everyone is at the shore and watching the kids together is really lovely.  Everyone is recapping their year as we wrap the season up. Kathy is building her dream home. The house that canolli built I guess.  She should not come back and I hope Bravo listens.

Jac talks about Nic, because that is all she has to talk about, she fake cries and there is no evidence of her neck being done.  She should not come back and more than our not wanting her, she should choose not to.  Focus on your kid and call it a day Crazy.  Caroline is all about setting up her new show and talking about how they all love each other.  The Hoboken apartment is gone because you can’t shoot a show is an apartment.  Whatever.

Melissa and Joe have sold their house and moved 30 minutes away from Teresa.  Melissa is a liar and I don’t believe anything she says.  Important to note that if you thought there was nothing Melissa did worse than singing, you have not read her book.  Her book is garbage and anyone who buys it is throwing money away.  Now it is time for Juicy and Teresa to wrap up and it is really very moving and sad.  Crying again and on drink #3.

Juicy vows to fight for what is right, Teresa vows to stick by Juicy, and we go right into a one-on-one interview with Andy, Juicy and Teresa. Andy is not warm or kind, just jumps right into the fact that they have been indicted and face 50 years in jail with possible deportment for Juicy.  Andy says he is going to follow attorney guidelines and will be respectful of the need to be careful, but he is just not compassionate, which is a shame.

I am uncomfortable watching this, let alone writing about it.  Teresa will not answer questions about where her kids will go if they serve prison time, but Juicy jumps in and says they will not go to Joe and Melissa.  I’m done.  That is all I needed to know.  I am over this show, wish Juicy and Teresa the best, and am praying for their beautiful daughters.  This show is stupid and Andy should not conduct these interviews because he is too invested.

To wrap up the season I will say that this show needs to go away.  It is simply not good television.  Everyone has their own opinion and view, and no two people will see it exactly the same, but I will say that I think this show is crap.  I love Juicy and Teresa and I wish them well.  Time for Andy to start listening to the people who watch, and therefore make him rich.  We are done Andy.  Step back and step out. Time for Bravo to keep it real.