Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Recap

Tonight's typos are sposored by Grey Goose.

The absolute best thing about the Housewives franchise is the reunion. Hooray.  Here we go!  The ladies look pretty, nervous, and have come to the gate ready to run.  We start with Vicki saying she is still not divorced from Donn.  I think that is lame.  She is all over TV claiming love for someone else, so she could call it a day with Donn and move on.  Money or not. In the interest of full disclosure, let me share the following:  Tamra can’t pick sides, Alexis is oddly sweet, Vicki is a hot mess, Lydia is perfect television, Heather is an ACTRESS, and Gretchen is a skank.  I have picked sides, am not afraid to say it, and the reunion will help set it all straight. These women don’t like each other and it really shows.

The ladies are hashing out the Mexico trip and Vicki, Tamra and Lydia blowing off Gretchen and Heather. I would have dumped those two deadweights too.  Gretchen is calling Tamra two-faced, Tamra is denying it, and saying she does the same.  Gretchen seems to forget that we have been watching her all season and she is a liar and an epic loser.

Lauri will be joining and I could not care any less.  Lauri is a whore and she never should have been brought back.  She is desperate for money and Bravo dumping her caved in face on us was not cool.  They show clips of Gretchen and Jeff and it is sad.  That poor man.  He was made a fool of while he was dying and it is shameful.  I wonder is Gretchen sees Jeff’s kids.

Gretchen denies cheating on Jeff.  I call bullshit.  Lydia tries to loop in Alexis but she does not want to join in.  Guilty. Alexis admits she saw whorebag with another guy when Jeff was drying.  So gross.  Good for Alexis that she has found her balls.  I hope she hangs onto them for the entire reunion. Gretchen does not want to talk about it.  Dumbass.

Tamra is there to fight.  Love it.  Of course she sits on both sides of the fence so it’s not that big a deal, but still, she is not into Gretchen, has sided with Vicki, and she wants Gretchen to go down.  Bravo. Vicki is called out for using the C word, denies it, but Tamra says she did. They are all lying.  Why are we watching this?  They are all lying their asses off.

Vicki is trying to be nice and kumbaya but she is full of crap. Gretchen will not admit she cheated.  Who cares?  She’s a whore, and an idiot, and she cheated.  Move on already.  I was excited about a 3 part reunion but if this is what we are going to get I will lose interest in about 10 more minutes.  For the love of God, why does Bravo insist on torturing her fans?

Lydia is getting ripped apart but holding her own.  They are talking about Heather being in the magazine and Andy is trying to start trouble.  So great. Heather is offended she was not big enough to be on the cover.  She is an actress after all.  The ONLY actress out of all the housewives in all the cities.  Heather must have her period because she is being a bitch.

Heather and Lydia are not friends.  Heather is a little jealous of the new girl.  Bless her.  I’m not into Heather.  She is pretentious.  I think it is funny that Lydia does not mind what people think she is an airhead, because she isn’t.  bless her.  She kind of is.  Not is a dumb way, but ion a naïve way.  She is playing with the big girls now and holding her own just fine.

The reunion should not have been spread out over 3 parts.  It is lame and 2 hours would have been plenty. We are 40 minutes in and I might be done. How am I supposed to stay interested in the dragged out crapfest for 3 weeks.  How?  With vodka.  On behalf of my liver I would like to tell Bravo to go to hell.  Damn me for loving this garbage so much  Damn it!

Lauri is here. I cannot stand event he sight of this woman.  Her face has caved in with so much surgery.  She is a liar.  This woman is disgusting and the truth will come out about her.  I can’t wait.  If George’s ex-wife is reading, lets talk.  I’m all about setting this woman straight.  She is a malicious and vicious liar and I am not buying her crap.  Not one word.

Lauri thinks Vicki was trying to ruin her marriage.  Whatever.  Gretchen is trying to make it about her. Whatever.  They are talking about things that are years old.  Why are we here?  Where is my drink?  Waiter?  I really need a waiter in my home on nights I blog reality TV.  Lauri is a fame whore and she needs to be cut loose by Bravo once and for all.  For real.

Tamra is a bitch.  She is supposed to be on Vicki’s side, but continues to not only throw her under the bus, but kick here when she under there.  These women should be embarrassed.  They are seriously in need of a reality check and this show needs to not come back.  Orange County has run its course and they need to move locations or get new ladies already. I’m bored.

If Lauri is back fro week two then I think I might have to pass.  She is a loser, not a housewife, and wasting my time.  Vicki wins tonight as far as I’m concerned. Next week we’ll get crying and make up running, which is always fun.  I will watch next week, but no guarantee I will blog.  At some point not even vodka can help me get through it.  Sad, but keeping it real.