Real Housewives of Atlanta Double Recap

Last week things were starting to get ugly with Phaedra and Kenya over the work out video.  These women have a lot of time on their hands and I wonder what their lives are like when the cameras are not rolling.  I’m guessing it is a lot like watching paint dry.  They probably all sit around and call each other with a countdown of when the taping will start.  Dear Lord they are pathetic.

There is a hair show that Cynthia is judging and Kenya shows up because she is invited to everything in Atlanta.  Important to note: Kenya is a crazy person.  Certifiable.  As for Cynthia, she hates Kenya, yet here she is kissing her ass. Kenya and her madness are good TV so with NeNe in LA so much, Cynthia is clasping onto crazy for more TV time. Dear Lord she is pathetic.

Kenya tells Cynthia that since Phaedra has kicked her off the “Donkey Booty” project, she is producing her own video. One where you can achieve your own “Stallion Booty”.  I can’t tell if Bravo is kidding or not.   Are these grown women fighting over their asses?  Things are slow in Atlanta if this is the main storyline for these women. Dear Lord Bravo is pathetic.

NeNe is in Atlanta and hanging out with her granddaughter.  She is a beautiful baby and NeNe is cute with her.  Over with Kandi, she is getting her hair done, hears about the Stallion Booty video and immediately calls Phaedra because this woman is not breathing if she is not gossiping.  I really hope Ms. Kandi is getting paid extra to be the pot stirrer of the group.

It would appear that Cynthia is now paying Bravo to let them shoot her Bailey agency.  Who cares?   With NeNe and Kim gone there is more time to fill and they are scraping the bottom of the sweet tea barrel in Atlanta. Phaedra arrives with her husband and baby because Aiden is going to be a model.  He is gorgeous but not into it.  The scene is a waste of time.

Porsha arrives for no apparent reason too.  There is nothing going on with these women and that they come to a gym full of kids they could care less about is hilarious.  Again, WHO CARES?  Porsha, Phaedra and Cynthia are talking outside and it turns to the workout video.  Cynthia plays dumb, Porsha is dumb, and I am bored.   Atlanta is lulling me into a coma.

Phaedra is saying she did not realize Kenya was such a lunatic and Porsha is surprised that even though she is the dumbest one, she is the only one to see Kenya for the crazy bitch that she is.  Cynthia wants us to think she is a stellar businesswoman and it is sweet.  By sweet of course I mean it is now hard to tell who is dumber, Cynthia or Porsha. This show is exhausting.

Kenya and Kandi are having their staged fake friendship moment in a place that Kenya uses for her productions.  Kandi decides she needs to call out Kenya on the video.  They start yelling and getting heated on the subject and the poor guy who is touring them through the building excuses himself. Kenya needs to go and have a little “holiday” in a “hospital”.  Seriously.

I am going to skip over this because it is beyond ridiculous.  Meanwhile Phaedra told Porsha and Cynthia she was already shooting her video then she is shown meeting with a production team to make her video.  She has not started, she is lying, the new team is super successful, and Phaedra thinks she will be the next Jane Fonda.  What exactly are these women drinking?

Phaedra and Porsha are now out for coffee together in matching outfits. They are talking pregnancies, babies, and counseling but it quickly turns to how crazy Kenya is.  These two go on and on about what a horrible person she is and it is like watching an afternoon special of mean girls.  I’m sure Kenya watched this scene at home and her head exploded off her body.

Sidebar:  Was Apollo wearing nail polish?  Interesting.  It is time for the Bailey fashion show.   Aiden won’t walk down the runway so Apollo carries him.  Can Phaedra spell spoiled?    Kenya is there kissing NeNe’s ass and tells her all about Bootygate.  Kenya likes to tell people it is all about money and forgets it is also about her being crazy.  It is so fake and scripted.

Phaedra joins the group and the fight is on.  Phaedra is mad and lets Kenya know.  Apollo is calling Kenya copycat, Phaedra is holding it together, and Kenya needs to get a grip and head over to RuPaul’s Drag Race where she belongs, and leave these housewives alone.  Interesting that NeNe and Cynthia are trashing the donkey title behind Phaedra’s back.  Classy.

Kenya is with her trainer working out and tells him about her Stallion video. Kenya thinks it is her responsibility to America to make women look like beauty queens not donkeys.   Phaedra is at a photo shoot for her video and I am amazed that Phaedra thinks these scenes are good for her reputation. Important to note that Phaedra is way more beautiful than Kenya.

Kenya tells us she is in the gym around the clock to get her body.  Really? She spends as much tucking as crunching is my guess.  Phaedra is raunchy, and I think the whole thing is silly.  Over with Cynthia, she is expanding her business into pageants.  What is that smell?  It is desperation people.  God bless her for hustling, but she is so desperate for money it is sad.

We learn that the pageant business is a major scam.  Wow.  Who knew it was so sleazy?  Hahahaha. Who knew Cynthia would want to publicly show how sleazy she is?  Porsha and Kenya are having lunch, which is stupid.  Why would they meet and why would she go?  Because Bravo made her.  Kenya is apologizing, sort of, and says she wants to clear the air about what is happening between her and Phaedra.  Porsha does not care about any of it.

Porsha is not having it and I am loving Porsha.  Porsha does not want to buy into the drama and it quickly goes from silly to ridiculous.  Kenya storms off, Porsha storms off, Porsha calls Kenya ashy, Kenya rips all kinds of new ones on Porsha,and I do not know why I am watching this.  These women cannot sustain a storyline and we need to all walk away from the madness.

NeNe is shopping in LA for her house.   We quickly see NeNe should have her own show and it should be based out of Atlanta.  Cynthia is meeting with Cy the pageant guy and I cannot stand one more minute of it.  Cynthia makes fun of Porsha, but is willing to take her money.  Porsha is an idiot and we are quickly reminded that so is Cynthia.  She has done nothing to prepare.

Cynthia hires Porsha to runt he pageant and I am dying.  It is the blind leading the blind. Porsha is overwhelmed and I cannot wait to see how this one plays out.  The ladies are out to dinner at a Moroccan restaurant and clearly someone at Bravo is on a Moroccan kick.  It is Porsha, Kandi, Cynthia and Phaedra and they are all talking about Kenya being crazy.

It is nonstop gossiping.  Porsha is going to sing at the fashion show and Kandi is pissed off.  She is a singer and sick of everyone thinking they are singers. We never find out if Porsha can actually sing.    NeNe is at an acting class and it is out of place on this show.  She needs her own show because the housewives are now beneath her.  I love NeNe but she needs to go.

Cynthia is playing golf with Kenya.  Really?  They are gossiping about Phaedra, Cynthia is all over the place, and Kenya’s delusions are front and center.   Kenya is now out for a drink with Miss Lawrence and talking about Phaedra again.  Kenya accuses Phaedra of using the family heartache she shared with her against her.  These people are really quite ugly.

Then we get the best line of the night. Kenya implies that Phaedra looks manly.  Really?  Phaedra is not manly. Kenya however, may in fact be a man. NeNe is at her shoe launch as she has designed a shoe for charity.  NeNe is fabulous and all the ladies are coming to support her.  By support her of course I mean get camera time with the one housewife superstar.

It’s all very Godfather as they show the party and everyone happy, and flash to Kenya in the car as she plots to take aim and blow them all up. Kenya arrives and I am in heaven.  This woman is bat shit crazy.  She comes in the same bathing suit cover up Phaedra wore on vacation.  She is acting a fool and nobody seems to get how great what she is doing is. Oh. My. God.

She is dressed like Phaedra, with a donkey booty, acting the way Phaedra says she acts.  She is calling Phaedra on her crap and humiliating herself in the process.  So good!  If people are going to call her crazy, she is going to be crazy.  NeNe is calm and tries to work it all out.  Kenya calls out Phaedra and Phaedra is a total bitch in response.  Not cool Ms. Parkes.

Phaedra and Kenya are going at it and the others are watching in delight.  This show has gone ahead and lost it’s mind.   We are laughing at them not with them and I cannot believe they continue to humiliate themselves in this way.  I’m watching because it is funny and even though I desperately want to turn away, I just can’t. Time for Bravo to cut them loose and keep it real.