Healing the unbearable

The transformative experience that followed one woman’s unspeakably tragic loss after her son is killed by terrorists is dramatized in the solo show, “The Blessing of a Broken Heart.” 

The play, adapted for the stage by Todd Salovey from the book of the same title by Sherri Mandell, is a production of the Jewish Women’s Theatre and is being staged at The Braid in Santa Monica through March 20.

Salovey, associate artistic director at the San Diego Repertory Theatre, said that he first encountered the book 10 years ago at the home of a friend who had invited him to a Rosh Hashanah lunch. 

“The language and the spirituality and the poetry just spoke so loudly, and I felt that these words would work beautifully on the stage. Later that year, when I was looking for a piece to develop for the San Diego Rep season, I decided to start to work on a version of it,” Salovey said.

“The first actor I ever worked with on it was Lisa Robins, who still plays the part now. We did some workshops with small audiences around San Diego, and I thought the piece revealed a lot about the Jewish approach to tests that a person has in life — and where one could grow and become more because of the challenges and tests that we face.”

Mandell, an American living with her family in the settlement of Tekoa on the West Bank, faced one of the most excruciating challenges conceivable for a parent. In May 2001, her 13-year-old son, Koby, ditched school with a friend and went hiking in one of the ancient caves dotting the landscape. The next day, their bodies were found — they had been battered to death with stones the size of bowling balls, their deaths attributed to Palestinian terrorists who were never caught.

Mandell said she wrote the book in the first year after the murder as a kind of elegy because she was in such pain, and she wanted some way to keep Koby alive. It was a way, she said, to connect to his soul.

“People always talk about moving on, and I say you move with — there’s a continuing relationship. You continue with the loss. I read somebody who said loss is like the presence of an absence. So, there’s something that’s present, but I feel like there’s also a soul connection,” Mandell told the Journal. 

In addition, Mandell found a way to connect to others who have suffered similar losses by establishing the Koby Mandell Foundation. It had its first program, a retreat for bereaved mothers, 10 months after her son’s death.

“By July 2002, we had a summer camp for bereaved children. All were victims of terror,” she said. “By 2003, we had a camp for 600 kids, also victims of terror. They had lost a mother, father, sister or brother … because it was the [Second] Intifada. Eventually we started taking other bereaved children, not just from terror, but people who had suffered loss. Now we have spiritual support groups, we have yoga, groups for psychodrama and other programs for the mothers and the kids. The kids have camps during the year.”

Mandell worked closely with Salovey in developing the play, which has had two brief tours to East Coast schools and synagogues and a short run at a Jewish theater in Phoenix. But Salovey, who also directs the play, called this presentation its first full, extended production.

He added that, though the story deals with healing from heartbreak, audiences seem to find humor in certain parts, such as sections about Mandell’s youth on Long Island, where she grew up with no Jewish influence in her life. 

“She didn’t go to Hebrew school. She didn’t really go to synagogue, and her grandmother would make her bacon sandwiches for lunch,” Salovey said. “While her friends were in Hebrew school, she would be home watching television — and, on her 13th birthday, her parents took her to a production of ‘Hair’ on Broadway. 

“But, as she grew older, she began to search. She went to Israel, and she met someone who had also rediscovered his Jewish roots, and they moved to Israel and started a life together.”

Mandell, who is now Modern Orthodox, explained that the primary influence leading her to the practice was her husband, Seth, who wanted an observant Jewish home. Second, there was the learning involved in the religion. 

“I love the learning, and I love that it’s spiritual. When I discovered that Jews believe in the world to come, and reincarnation, and learning Kaballah, I just found it so interesting. I think that there is a beauty there, and a truth.”

She also commented on the seeming contradiction in a blessing coming from a broken heart. 

“There’s some kind of breaking apart that has to occur for something new to come into the world. I think that’s one thing I didn’t understand. And I didn’t understand the truth that comes with knowing death, the truth that one acquires about life.” 

Mandell continued by saying one learns what’s really important in life and that there must be something above and beyond our mundane concerns. 

“I just got off [a] plane, and there was a college student next to me. She was complaining about having to wait so long to get off the plane. She said something like, ‘This is a nightmare.’ But, when you know what a nightmare is, you know what it’s not. You have, I think, a more accurate view of the world. And I think [you learn] to turn to God, because that’s what happened to me.”

“The Blessing of a Broken Heart” is presented by The Jewish Women’s Theatre at The Braid. For tickets and more information, please click here.