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‘The Great Jewish Love Debate’

“The women are on this side, and the men are on that side. No exceptions.”
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November 5, 2014

“The women are on this side, and the men are on that side. No exceptions.” 

With those words, Brian Howie, author of “How to Find Love in 60 Seconds,” kicked off The Great Jewish Love Debate at Sinai Temple in Westwood on Oct. 27.

Howie, who is not Jewish, founded The Great Love Debate earlier this year after his book came out. It was a means of answering the question, “Why are we all single?” The first event took place in Santa Barbara, and the tour has been extended through 2015, covering more than 150 cities worldwide. 

“I’ve always liked the town hall-style discussion and debate,” Howie told the Journal.

Attendees were asked to dress to impress, or more specifically, to dress like they would on a first date. Women with blow-dried tresses wore stilettos and short skirts; men sported slicked-back hair, patent leather shoes and striped dress shirts.

“This is the 57th Great Love Debate, but this is the first Jewish one!” Howie announced to the audience, which responded with hoots and applause.

It was also the first Great Love Debate in which Howie didn’t participate in the onstage panel. 

 “It’s because I didn’t think I was Jewish enough,” said Howie, whose paternal grandmother was Jewish. When the debate, co-sponsored by Sinai’s young professionals group ATID, officially started, Howie slipped away and didn’t reappear until the after-party.

Lori Gottlieb, a relationship therapist and best-selling New York Times author of “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough,” served as event moderator. Nine years ago, as a single woman, she chose to become pregnant and now is the proud parent of an 8-year-old son. Gottlieb said her mom immediately asked if the donor for her insemination was Jewish. 

“She’s a typical Jewish mother,” Gottlieb said, laughing.

The panelists included Talia Goldstein, co-founder of the matchmaking website Three Day Rule; author Adam Gilad; Lisa Darsonval, founder of Santa Barbara Matchmaking; makeover expert Kimberly Seltzer; and dating coach David Wygant. 

The debate kicked off with a sharing session of horrifying dating moments contributed by the audience. “Let’s get to know you guys,” Gottlieb said. 

“I realized my fly was down,” confessed one guy. 

 “I got thrown up on,” a woman said. 

“Halfway through the date,” another woman chimed in, “he told me Jesus was the savior.” 

During the debate, Gottlieb called up volunteers to act out typical pickup scenarios. Before each scene, a guy was selected and told to choose the most attractive girl in the audience to join him. 

“Imagine you’re at Starbucks,” Gottlieb told one set of volunteers. 

The girl pretended to be on her phone, drinking a coffee, as the guy circled her, unsure of how to approach her — until he finally piped up and said the situation was too awkward. The audience gave input, and finally one of the audience’s older members stood up and broke it down for the young volunteers. 

“If you want to meet a girl, you offer her to buy a cup of coffee,” the woman said. “Say that you noticed she finished her drink and ask if she’d like another one.” 

A 20-something seated nearby whispered to her friend, “Now that’s classy!”

Another scene played out was grocery shopping at the market. Panelist Gilad gave some pointers to the men: “When I’m at a supermarket and I see an attractive woman, I take her shopping cart.” 

Of course, there’s more to his tactic. The woman usually says something like, “Hey, that’s my cart,” to which he responds: “Hmm, but I like yours better.” If all goes well, she laughs and he scores a date.

About an hour after the debate began, the event concluded with closing statements from the panelists and the men (the women were never asked for one). Then the shmoozing began. Singles lined up to ask the panelists personal questions, wine was poured, and phone numbers were exchanged. 

All in all, one more notch in Brian Howie’s belt.

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