Gay Marriage Ruling: Regrettable but Understandable

“We reiterate the historical position of the Jewish faith, enunciated unequivocally in our Bible, Talmud, and Codes, which forbids homosexual relationships and condemns the institutionalization of such relationships as marriages. Our religion is emphatic in defining marriage as a relationship between a man and a woman. Our beliefs in this regard are unalterable.” — Official statement by the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations

“I think Judaism … what they have to say about it, is that this is an affirmation — this is an affirmation of the human heart and of our inclination to love.” — Reform Rabbi Lisa Edwards

“The Court's decision does not alter the Lord's doctrine that marriage is a union between a man and a woman ordained by God. While showing respect for those who think differently, the Church will continue to teach and promote marriage between a man and a woman as a central part of our doctrine and practice.” — Official statement by the Mormon Church

—–

Well, the Five Lawyers have finally spoken. I wish they had handed down a different decision, but it's hard to see how they could have decided otherwise in an increasingly secular country.

I remain opposed to state-sanctioned gay marriage for religious reasons. It's difficult to support same-sex marriage while believing, as Mormons do, that God is married, that gender is part of one's eternal identity, and that God's plan for humankind has as its central feature the concept of eternal families created through marriages between men and women that are solemnized in modern temples. If someone believes all of these things and also accepts the biblical injunctions against homosexual behavior, then it's also likely that he/she doesn't think that it's a great idea for government to be sanctioning same-sex marriage.

That said, it must be noted that 98% of Americans are not Mormons. A slim majority of Americans now supports gay marriage, and before the historic ruling last week, most states sanctioned same-sex marriage (though in most cases the state's voters were not given the chance to voice their opinion at the ballot box). If I'm honest with myself, I'm pretty sure that if I weren't a Mormon (or conservative Catholic, Orthodox Jew, Muslim, or Evangelical), I would regard marriage as a right, and I'd be hard-pressed to come up with a secular argument for denying gays the opportunity to marry.

Gays have been marrying in Massachusetts for 11 years so far, and my life has not been impacted one bit. Not one gay marriage has adversely affected my marriage, and even the Dennis Pragers of the world have to admit that if two men adopt a child (as they can legally do in many states), it is unarguably better for the child for his dads to marry and legally commit to each other (and by extension to the child) than for them to remain two single guys who live together. Again, for me these practical considerations are overriden by my religious beliefs, but it's very easy to understand why people who have different religious beliefs are inclined to look at gay marriage and ask “Whom does it harm?”

What is harder to understand is why 77% of American Jews (according to a recent survey) support gay marriage, something that explicitly goes against their scriptures and tradition (please see the OU statement above). As long as I live, it will be hard for me to accept that intelligent, committed Jews can support abortion and gay marriage. Even the rabbinic heads of the Reform movement opposed gay marriage until the 1990s, when they ditched the Torah's teachings and focused their attention on promoting equality and justice instead. Rabbi Edwards' emotion-based statement shown above, which fails to reference the Torah, is a perfect example of this kind of thinking.

Indeed, the silliest statements that I have ever heard from religious leaders were made by Reform rabbis who abandoned logic in their zeal to justify gay marriage from a rabbinic perspective. There was the straight rabbi whose wife was also a rabbi, and they had adorable young kids. At lunch one day during the Prop 8 campaign, he made the jaw-dropping statement that he did not believe that his wife, as a woman, gave anything to his children that a man could not also give them. I was not surprised to hear that he and his wife soon divorced. However, he had nothing on the gay married rabbi who slammed his newly-acquired marriage certificate on the table in front of a few Mormon leaders and angrily informed them that his parents had suffered at Bergen-Belsen so that he could marry a man. I told him afterwards that I could no longer refer to him as “rabbi,” and was once again not surprised to hear that his contract was not renewed by his synagogue. When Jewish leaders abandon Torah teaching on this subject, my experience has been that silliness becomes its substitute.

One can only hope that the right of churches and Orthodox synagogues to refuse to marry two men or two women will continue to be respected, but I have little faith in the decency of the Boy Scout-busting gay-rights fanatics. However, I do respect the Court's decision, and can only hope that it will be as solicitous in the future of the rights of religious organizations who oppose gay marriage as it has been of the feelings of gays wishing to marry.