Remembering Life by Jean Berman

I have an affinity for the passage we use from the Shir HaShirim/Song of Songs while washing the body of the meit/deceased:

How beautiful you are, my beloved friend:

your eyes are doves from behind your

tresses; your hair as a flock of goats that

trail down from Mount Gil’ad. Your teeth

like a flock of sheep that rise from the

washing-pool, that are all matched with no

break among them. Like a crimson ribbon

your lips, and your speech is pleasant; like a

pomegranate is the curve of your cheek

from behind your tresses. Like a tower of

David your neck, raised in splendor; a

thousand shields hang upon it, shields of

the warriors. Your two breasts as two

fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among

the lilies. You are all lovely, my beloved

friend, and there is no flaw in you.

During this part of the ritual, I sometimes imagine the wonders that the one before me beheld in her lifetime: snowflakes on her face, the setting sun in her eyes, the smell of fresh lilacs, the touch of a loved one.

When I get a call to participate in taharah (preparation) and Shmirah (guarding the body), I am compelled to answer it above almost anything else. While out of town at a conference, I got such a call and was unable to respond in person. However, I found myself thinking of the decedent all evening, wanting to lend my spiritual support from a distance. Before bed, I found myself imagining experiences in the life she lived, and wrote them down.

Heart beating, eyes blinking, rush of adrenalin, hand stroking skin, goosebumps, muscle spasms, heart’s desire, breathing icy air, a kiss, sweating hot, swimming. Laughing, groaning, weeping, sighing, heartbreak.

Sun bright in the eyes, lifting arms to rain, snowflakes landing on the tongue. Dawn. Sweet, salty, sour, bitter, blowing one’s nose, sneezing, singing, playing music: piano, flute, cello. Moonshadows on snow. Stars through bare winter branches. Feeling peace, love, anger, shared delight.

Climbing into a car, sitting for a long time. Arriving. Joy in the morning, hunger, thirst, eating, chewing, swallowing, hunger satisfied, thirst quenched. Tiredness, exhaustion, anxiety.

Hearing: music, a beloved voice, thunder, an accident, a ringing phone, din of conversation, rain on a metal roof, a rooster crowing, silence, a foreign language, an alarm clock, birdsong.

Touching water, hot, cold, a banana, holding a glass to drink, hand running along smooth silk, bumpy corduroy. Lathering soap on skin, showering, sinking into a warm bath, rubbing with a towel, brushing teeth, brushing hair, dressing, undressing, buttoning, unbuttoning, zipping, unzipping.

Hugging a child, holding an infant, crying in someone’s arms, nodding encouragement. Offering a hand up. Gently, slowly, hungrily touching a mate. Joy in union. Relaxing.

Sewing with needle and thread. Cutting with a scissors. Chopping vegetables. The sizzle of something frying in the pan. Reeling in a fish. Milking a cow, drinking the warm milk. Collecting eggs, gathering maple sap, tending a woolly sheep, growing a garden, fingers in earth.

Being barefoot on smooth soil, soft grass, in a puddle. Praying alone, praying with others, giving thanks.

Reading, itching, scratching, smelling lilacs, a cake in the oven, steaming chicken soup, a wood fire, burning plastic, salt sea air. Thinking, writing, having a headache, walking in the woods, licking an ice cream cone. Telling a story, hearing a story.

Seeing a beautiful flower, a sunset, crashing waves, a coming storm, high mountains, waving grasses, a squirrel, a woodpecker, the face of a loved one after separation.

Running, falling down, getting bruised and scraped. Healing.

Feeling nauseous. Coughing. Having a fever. Taking pills. Lying in bed without energy. Needing the help of others. Talking, screaming, whispering, whimpering. Falling asleep, waking. Falling asleep, waking.

Letting go.

Jean Berman speaks and leads workshops on Honor and Comfort: The Jewish Way of Death and Mourning, Care of the Newly Dead – An Inquiry into Intuition and Tradition, and How Death Enhances Life: Heightening our Awareness. She enjoys walks in nature, kayaking and playing ukulele, and lives on Peaks Island, Maine. She is a student of the “>Kavod v’Nichum.

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