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Bringing new questions to the seder table

With Passover upon us, an almost universal association with the biblically based holiday is the reciting of the four questions, commonly chanted by the youngest person seated at the seder table.
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April 2, 2015

With Passover upon us, an almost universal association with the biblically based holiday is the reciting of the four questions, commonly chanted by the youngest person seated at the seder table. Our tradition has long emphasized the importance of asking good, probing questions. The ones cited in the haggadah are nothing more than basic examples to stimulate discussion and interest in the night’s proceeding.

Here are four questions of a different type. These don’t appear in the Passover haggadah, but rather in the Talmud, tractate Pirkei Avot. Rabbi Shimon Ben Zoma, who lived in Israel during the first third of the second century, asked them. His questions could not be more fitting to the Passover night.  

1) “Who is wise?”

“One who can learn from others.” Building on the rabbi’s response, be mindful to learn from other people’s experiences, living or deceased. Think of the wise child described in the haggadah.  Characteristic to the wise child is one who is inclusive and appreciative of those who have contributed, and continue to contribute, to the teachings and understanding of our age-old, wise religious tradition.

2) “Who is strong?”

“One who can say no to him-/herself.” Self-discipline is difficult.\ It’s not easy to diet or exercise or give up aspects of our lifestyle to which we’ve grown accustomed. From the standpoint of Passover, it’s not easy to go one full week without leavened grain products, let alone maintain the standards inherent to the observance of the holiday. But as difficult as it is to say no to yourself, it is even harder to know when to say yes. The Jerusalem Talmud sums it up best (Kiddushin 4:12): “You’ll be held accountable for every legitimate pleasure you’ve denied yourself.”

3) “Who is rich?”

“One who is happy with what he/she has.” How many of us can say, “I have enough.” During the Passover seder, we sing the song “Dayenu,” which translates, “It would have been enough for us.” I wonder how many sing that song and actually mean it?  How many of us are happy with our spouse, our children or our friends? Do we repeatedly try to change them? “Dayenu” is not a plea for complacency. If anything, it’s a plea for perspective and heightened appreciation for the things we do have.

4)  “Who is honored?”

“Those who honor others.” If you want to keep friends and maintain family bonds, honor them. Stop competing against them. The word for honor in Hebrew shares the same root letters as the Hebrew word “heavy” (it also relates to the word liver; the liver is an especially heavy organ). At times, it is literally heavy, or minimally difficult to give honor. Not uncommonly, we’re fixed on ourselves. Next time you’re in a conversation, see how quickly the discussion shifts to you and your interests. Be particularly mindful of that tendency when seated around the seder table. Bear in mind, honor doesn’t mean agreement. An additional rabbinic comment makes the point; the one who is ultimately honored is the one who flees from being honored.

Freedom for all human beings is the leitmotif interwoven throughout Passover’s celebration. But tied into the notion of universal freedom is the simple freedom to pose questions. This Passover, as you sit around your seder tables, ask questions; ask questions the likes of those asked by Rabbi Ben Zoma. Don’t be bound by the “classic” four questions. Remember, they’re only examples. While you form your own probing questions to deepen your Passover experience, don’t forget to come up with some equally good answers.


Rabbi Michael Gotlieb is the rabbi of Kehillat Ma’arav in Santa Monica.

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