October 23, 2018

Being a Parent, Losing a Parent

I have a terrific life. I am mother to a wonderful human being who makes my heart sing and brings me more joy than I ever thought was possible. Being a mother has been the greatest accomplishment of my life. It is also the realization of a dream I have had since I was a child myself. I always wanted to be a mother, and having a child makes me look at my own parents differently. I understand how much they love me because it is the same love I have for my own beautiful boy. 

Our life together is blessed. My son will be 21 in a few weeks, which is really hard to believe. I do not remember what my life looked like before he was born. My entire heart is wrapped up in this kid and watching him make his dreams come true fills me with happiness and wonder. He is like me in many ways, and like his father in others. I really like who he is and enjoy spending time with him. I am honored to be his mom and after a year of illness, grateful for our life together.

My son learned that a friend of his from high school lost his mother today. This young man is only 18 years old and will bury his mother this weekend. I was in my thirties when my father passed away. His passing was very difficult and I still cannot fully understand that he is no longer here. I miss him in a way that aches and is physically painful. My father walked me down the aisle when I got married and got to know my son. I didn’t realize how lucky we were to have that.

This boy’s mother was lovely. She was simply an authentically good person, loved by all who knew her. If you are to judge a woman by the children she raises, then this was a magnificent woman. Her children are really great and her youngest son in particular, who is my son’s friend, is a great kid. He is a talented and kind young man who will do amazing things with his life. She will continue to watch over him and his accomplishments will have greater meaning as they are for her.

It is horrible to lose a parent at any age, but painfully unfair when you’re young and they’re young. It has been a difficult day. I am sad for a wonderful family and their loss. I miss my dad, am grateful for my health, and desperate to live longer than my beloved father did. I want to see my son become a father as only then will he understand how much I love him. Life is fragile, wonderful, scary, and joyous. Hug your kids, call your parents, appreciate your health, keep the faith.