Sins the Rabbis Left Out
The writers of the machzor were pretty comprehensive in listing the multitude of sins we commit as a community over the course of the year. Some of them — such as foul speech, unscrupulous business affairs, sexual immorality and fraud — are remarkably relevant today. But the authors couldn’t have envisioned some of the temptations offered by contemporary society.
So here are some modern infractions for which you might need to atone:
For the sin of forwarding dumb jokes via e-mail;
And for the sin of forwarding e-mails which insist that you forward them or suffer the consequences.
For the sin of watching shows where people vote other people off the show;
And for the sin of watching shows where mothers admit to stealing their daughters’ boyfriends.
For the sin of cutting people off on the freeway;
And for the sin of flipping off the person who cuts you off on the freeway.
For the sin of talking on your cell phone while driving.
And for the sin of having cell phone conversations in public during which you broadcast graphic details about your love life or medical symptoms.
For the sin of using the Internet at the office to work on personal business.
And for the sin of neglecting to exit the ESPN Web site before your boss walks into your cubicle.
For the sin of buying things you don’t need because there’s a really good sale.
or the sin of paying $3 for a $1.50 cup of coffee.
For the sin of talking during High Holiday services;
And for the sin of rating the rabbi’s sermon as though it were an Olympic sporting event ("I’ll give it a 6.5").
For the sin of leaving a whole package in the cupboard with just one cookie in it (you know who you are).
And for the sin of using family members’ exploits as fodder for newspaper articles (I know who I am).
For all these sins, forgive us, pardon us, grant us atonement. — NSS