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Meant2Be: We outlawed the term ‘in-law’

For as long as I can remember, relatives, friends and acquaintances of mine have spoken disparagingly of their in-laws.
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December 7, 2016

For as long as I can remember, relatives, friends and acquaintances of mine have spoken disparagingly of their in-laws. Whether a mother- or father-in-law, daughter- or son-in-law, sister- or brother in-law or parents of their married children, “in-law” was a bad word. I always wondered why this was. I presumed it had to do with jealousy, along with assorted other emotions.

But let me tell you a different story, a story of my own experience. 

When I married my husband when I was 21, I found my mother-in-law and father-in-law to be kind and loving people. Ann was a tiny lady with a big heart, and Arthur was just a loving teddy bear of a man. The first thing Ann told me was that there were no in-laws, just moms, dads, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters. I thought it wonderful but strange that Ann always referred to me as her daughter and treated me the same as she did her biological daughter, Judy.

Ann and I had a long and loving relationship until her death at age 89. I received from her the first unconditional love that I had ever known. My parents had many expectations of me and I felt that I had sometimes disappointed them.

When Ann was ill, I cared for her and visited often. When she was in an assisted living facility, the caregivers always remarked, “You can’t be Ann’s daughter-in-law.”

When Ann had lost much of her mental faculties, she used to ask me if I would marry Bobby (her son, my husband), and I always answered, “Yes.” That made her very happy. In her diminished capacity, she would say, “I know Barbara will always take care of me.” And I did — until her last day on earth — because I loved her as if I were her own child.

In a eulogy at her funeral, I said, “I was not a child of your womb, but surely I was a child of your heart.”

One of the last things Ann said to me was, “I hope you have a daughter as wonderful to you as you have been to me.” In fact, I have two: Laura, daughter of my womb and heart, and Laurie, a wonderful wife to my son, Steven. So I am blessed with three exceptional children and five fabulous grandchildren.

I never forgot my mother-in-law Ann’s words to me, especially when Steven introduced my husband and me to Laurie as his future wife. We liked her right away and we were very happy with his choice. Laurie is beautiful, intelligent and talented. She is a Jewish girl, which was important to me, and they seemed a wonderful match, which has proven to be true.

The first time that I was alone with Laurie, she asked me what she should call me. My answer was, “Mrs. Price is not an option. If you feel comfortable calling me Barbara, that would be fine, but just as my mother-in-law Ann taught me, I will treat you exactly the same way I treat my own daughter, Laura, and my son, Steven.” I told her that if she were comfortable enough to call me ‘Mom,’ it would make me very happy.’ From that day on, I was ‘Mom.’ ”

For 26 years, Laurie and I have had the most beautiful relationship. I am her “other” mom; she is my “other” daughter. We have shared many memories and happy times. She has raised two of my precious grandchildren of whom I am very proud.

Ann once said to me, “Barbara will always be there for me.” I know that Laurie will always be there for me as well.  In fact, our family has recently purchased our final resting places next to each other. It is comforting knowing that my husband and I will be spending eternity beside Laurie and Steven.

My experience, as you can see, has been very different from many. I am proud and blessed that Ann taught me the way, and I am perpetuating the tradition. I hope that my five grandchildren will learn by this act of love and carry it forward. There are no in-laws!


Barbara Price is a jewelry designer living in the Palm Springs area with her husband of 58 years. She is president of a Jewish Family Service affiliate, The Mitzvah Circle.

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