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Teaching teenage girls self-esteem

During a self-empowerment workshop titled “You Are Beautiful,” a 13-year-old girl raised her hand and asked, “Have you ever hurt yourself?”
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December 30, 2014
During a self-empowerment workshop titled “You Are Beautiful,” a 13-year-old girl raised her hand and asked, “Have you ever hurt yourself?” 
 
Gabby Diaz, the counselor moderating this particular workshop and a radio host at 105.9 FM (Power 106), was at a loss for words as the room fell silent. Astonished and concerned, she asked, “Sweetheart, did you get to that point?” 
 
The eighth-grader spoke slowly with eyes cast down when she responded, “I gave up on the world, and it gave up on me.”
 
It was for teenage girls in need like this that Donna Maher organized this event — an afternoon completely devoted to them. It took place Dec. 14 as she stood behind a podium at Hillel at UCLA and spoke to 35 girls, ages 13 to 17. The day’s topics covered everything from social media safety to self-empowerment.
 
 “Every action we do has an impact,” she told the assembled girls before the workshop officially began.
 
Maher, 26, grew up in Orange County as a first-generation American; both of her parents were born in Iran. She grew up speaking Farsi and Hebrew at home, and as a result, felt extremely connected to her culture but estranged from her peers at school. She knew what it was like to be an outsider. 
 
Maher, who now lives in Bel Air and works as a marketing strategist at a tech startup, said she was moved to plan the event by a sense of tikkun olam (repairing the world). So, she collected a group of like-minded friends, started a crowdfunder (where, in Maher’s words, “complete strangers covered the costs for the event”), reached out to Power 106 and marched forward.
 
The day began with a speech by Maher, followed by a PowerPoint presentation and three workshops. It was topped off by a dance party (music supplied by Power 106).
 
During the PowerPoint presentation, the image of a piece of pottery was projected onto the front wall. In the cracks, a gold lacquer was used to piece together the fragmented pottery.
 
“Kintsukuroi is an old Japanese technique that repairs broken pottery with gold and silver,” explained Shalyn Tharayil, a high-school counselor at Alliance Ouchi-O’Donovan 6-12 Complex, part of a network of free, public charter middle schools and high schools in the Los Angeles area. “A lot of times you’re not broken, you’re just going to be fixed into a better version of yourself.”
 
During a “cross the line” activity, Tharayil read 15 statements as the 35 girls stood in a line. Whenever a statement applied to an individual girl, she was told to take one step forward.
 
“I am a girl,” Tharayil said as her first statement. All the girls stepped forward. 
 
“I am an only child.” Some girls took a step. 
 
“I have felt betrayed by a friend.” Half the girls stepped forward. 
 
“I cried in the last two weeks.” Most girls took a step as they looked around, gauging the other responses.
 
“When Shalyn asked if any of the girls had ever felt unworthy and all of them stepped forward, I was really holding back tears,” Maher said. “Partially because I’ve been there and I can relate to that, but I was also really proud of them for admitting it.”
 
One soft-spoken high-school senior who asked to remain anonymous, the oldest of four siblings, said she plays the matriarch in her family unit. During a social media workshop, she was the only participating student who didn’t have a Facebook account — because of the ruthless cyberbullying by her high-school peers, who taunted her by spreading vicious rumors. 
 
Maher said in today’s world, social media make it particularly hard to be a teen and that she hoped these classes would provide them with the tools to succeed. “You don’t get these lessons in school,” she added.
 
After the nutrition workshop, one high-schooler said she once suffered from anorexia and bulimia and that she had gone on an extreme water diet. Other girls also admitted to extreme dieting tactics.
 
“It was comforting to see other people who experienced the same situation as me,” said the girl, who asked not to give her name.
Participating schools included Alliance Ouchi-O’Donovan 6-12 Complex, Alliance College-Ready Middle Academy 5 and Alliance Susan & Eric Smidt Technology High School. 
 
“I wanted a multicultural, diverse audience,” said Maher. Much like herself, a majority of the girls attending her workshop were first-generation Hispanic Americans. 
 
During the self-compassion workshop, Diaz told a group of students, “You are all strong in here. You know why you’re strong? Because you came here today.”
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