In Israel, like everywhere else, there is no one right way to plan a wedding. But for couples in the United States who are planning to wed in Israel, it’s a good idea to know some customs and factors unique to the Holy Land. Here are a few tips that can come in handy.
CHOOSING A VENUE
Victoria Rosen, a British-born event planner (victoriarosenevents.com), suggests couples “think outside the box” when choosing a venue.
“Don’t limit yourself. Israel is such a diverse country — you can have your wedding on the beach, in the desert or at a winery,” Rosen said.
But keep in mind, she added, that you’ll need to acquire a permit for some venues.
Even though it’s easy to fall in love with an out-of-the-way wedding destination, it’s another thing to expect your guests to trek miles off the beaten path, especially for a wedding that begins after dark (some roads in Israel are not lit at night). If most guests can’t get to the venue within an hour or so via public transportation, you should hire a bus to ferry guests.
TIMING AND EATING
In Israel, it’s not uncommon for the time between engagement and wedding to be just a few months. As a result, many locations can be secured on short notice. Nevertheless, some venues, like luxury hotels and beachside resorts, fill up quickly, sometimes up to a year ahead.
Kim Bulow, the New Zealand-born owner of Kim Event Production and Design (kimbulow.com), said spring and autumn are the best times for an Israeli wedding, at least weather-wise. She advises couples who want a summer wedding to look for an air-conditioned venue for the reception.
It’s traditional for Israeli couples to hold the chuppah ceremony outdoors, no matter the season. It’s also common to have the chuppah ceremony in one venue — overlooking the Western Wall is a popular option — and to throw the party in a different one. If the venues aren’t within walking distance, however, it’s advisable to hire a bus.
Bulow said the traditional Sunday afternoon wedding so popular abroad probably won’t work in Israel. “At 3 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon, Israelis are working because it’s a regular workday,” she said.
“And Israelis are notoriously late to events, so take that into account,” she added.
When it comes to feeding your guests, Bulow said, you’ll find that most caterers offer international fare, “a fusion between French and American, with touches of Mediterranean.” Keep the tastes of your guests in mind, and know that ethnic Israeli food can be spicy.
INVITATIONS
Keep it simple. Israelis tend to be easygoing when it comes to simchas — more and more couples are sending invitations via email or Facebook, at least to their contemporaries. Of course, your parents will probably want to send traditional printed invitations to their family and friends.
Once you’ve determined where most of those paper invites will be sent — within the U.S. or abroad — printing in that country will save on postage and response time. Even with printed invitations, it’s wise to include an email address for RSVP purposes. The important thing is to keep track of the responses, regardless of the method.
MUSIC
Although some couples hire a professional DJ to deliver a wide range of music, most prefer live performers and sometimes a backup DJ for when the musicians take a break or for late-night dancing. Consider contacting one of the country’s music academies to see if they can recommend any of their best students. The Jerusalem Academy of Music and Dance (jamd.ac.il/en) and Rimon School of Jazz & Contemporary Music (eng.rimonschool.co.il) are two of the best.
MAKING YOUR GUESTS FEEL WELCOME
Create a welcome bag that includes such Israeli-made items as scented handmade soap or Dead Sea creams.
For a wedding with just 28 overseas guests at the King David Hotel, Rosen arranged for gift baskets in every room, as well as personalized gifts, including bentschers (booklets used to say grace after meals), etched with the guests’ names.
STICK TO YOUR BUDGET
Weddings in Israel tend to be considerably less expensive than comparable ones held in the U.S. or Europe, but if your family is flying to Israel, don’t forget to factor in the travel and accommodation costs.
Rosen recently planned a wedding at a winery near Jerusalem that cost about $10,000. She said couples on a budget should also check out packages offered by moshavim, semi-private communities that often have wedding halls with beautiful outdoor spaces. But because these halls are usually large, they may try to charge the couple a higher rate for fewer guests to make up the difference. “Make sure you’re not paying the price for a larger wedding,” Rosen advised.
Another way to control costs is to book a relatively inexpensive venue and, if there is no in-house caterer, hire a caterer that fits your budget.
GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY
A growing number of Israeli couples believe it is a pity to throw out the food not consumed at their simcha, so they donate it to organizations that feed the needy. The premier “food rescue” organization is Leket (leket.org.il/). In 2013, more than 50,000 Leket volunteers rescued and distributed 25 million pounds of produce and perishable goods, mostly to organizations that feed the poor.
Leket also has created a fundraising program called B’simchas. According to its website (bsimchas.leket.org), you can open an event (simcha) page to share with family and friends. The goal, according to the website, is to “help you plan and organize your event while at the same time enlist support for Leket Israel.”
HAVE FUN
“Weddings can be very stressful,” because everyone has expectations, Bulow said.
“Couples need to remember that though it’s their big day, it’s not their day alone. It’s also the day their mothers and fathers and grandmothers have dreamt of for many years.
“So pick your battles carefully, and don’t sweat the small stuff.”
FLOWERS
Many outdoor venues in Israel are so lush, you may not need flowers. But if you decide you want flowers, ask what options your venue offers. The management may also have other creative ideas, ranging from candles to modern decorative pieces.
Some Israeli couples instead opt to create decorated food baskets, which they donate to charity after the wedding.
MAKING IT LEGIT
An important factor for all couples marrying in Israel is ensuring the legitimacy of their ceremony. In Israel, only Orthodox weddings are recognized by the government. Although couples can choose to be married by a non-Orthodox rabbi in Israel, neither the Chief Rabbinate nor the Interior Ministry will register the couple as married, presuming they are Israeli citizens.
Israeli couples that have a civil ceremony abroad (there are no civil ceremonies in Israel) will be registered as married by the Interior Ministry, but not the Chief Rabbinate.
Non-Israeli couples who want their Israeli marriage recognized in their home countries are advised to have a civil ceremony at home, either before or after the ceremony in Israel.
A brand-new Israeli government resolution enables couples to be married by Orthodox municipal rabbis rather than married through the rabbinical courts established by the religiously strict Rabbinate, but the resolution has not yet been implemented. ITIM: The Jewish Life Information Center (itim.org.il/en/) is a good resource for these matters.
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