In Search of an Apple Genius

Last week my iPhone 4S started to act up.  I’ve only had it for a few weeks so I was unclear what the problem was so I made an appointment at the Genius Bar of my local Apple store.  I went in and met with a genius.  By genius of course I mean he appeared to about 12 and does not wash his hair.  I explained my problem and he told me what was going on.

He took great care in making sure I understood what he was saying which was sweet, but I don’t speak Applese.  I would have understood the exact same amount of words had be been speaking in Japanese.  In fact, due to my sushi addiction, I would have understood Japanese more than I understood Applese.  He was very was smart, but also very condescending with a mocking tone of voice.

I was grateful for his help so I thanked him for his expert advice and headed home to do what he suggested.  The next day the problem continued so I made another appointment and headed back to meet another genius. This time around my genius was much older and super sweet.  He knew the answer to every question and I was confident he would fix it.

He told me something completely different from the first guy and while I was annoyed I had to schlep back to the mall less than 48 hours later, I liked him even though I was being told I needed to go home and try something else.  Important to note my phone is now officially not working.  I must reboot constantly to get emails, and my music is not working.

I left the store, again, and went home to do what was asked of me.  That brings us to today, when I went back for the 3rd time.  My genius this time was a brand new person, but nice.  By nice of course I mean devoid of any and all personality. So I’m talking to a robot and he proceeds to tell me something completely different than the other two geniuses.

To recap, this is my 3rd visit, 3rd time I’ve been told to go home to fix something, and the 3rd time some genius at Apple gave me a completely different excuse as to why my phone is not working.  I explained to the genius that I was frustrated and his response put me over the edge.  He told me there was nothing he could.  He was a genus with no solution.

I ask to speak with his manager.  A woman walks over who clearly has not had sex in a very long time, and I am almost certain I saw a small scar that would, after speaking with her, indicate she has had a frontal lobotomy.  She looked at me with no direct eye contact, no emotion, and an unfortunate attitude.  I felt like I was talking to a wall and got frustrated.

When she spoke to me, without looking at me, I told her she was being unprofessional.  She then demanded to know what exactly I wanted her to do for me.  I told her that I would appreciate it if she was a little less annoyed with me and that I wanted her to acknowledge that I had been given a bit of a run around with my phone.

She was unclear about what I wanted her to do.  I told her I wanted my phone fixed, and she did not respond.  I asked her, “Are you F’ing serious?”  Important to note I started laughing and looking to my genius for back up. Then, in a surprising turn, she told me that I am not permitted so curse in an Apple store.  Was she Serious?  Was she my mom?

I started laughing when she told me I was not allowed to swear at Apple.  I spend countless hours cursing out my iPhone, iPad, and Mac, yet I am not allowed to curse in her presence?  I ask if I can speak with her manager and she tells me she is not there.  I asked for her name and she hesitates, so I turn to my genius and ask who the manager is.

Lobotomy tells me the name and I ask her when she will next be in and she tells me she is not allowed to give me that information.  I ask why not and she tells me it is her job to protect her employees and shoppers, and my choice of language was offensive to everyone and she is no longer going to help me.  Had she even started to help me?

It took a nanosecond to recover then I asked her again if she was being serious.  Was I being Punked?  She then spits out at me “We’re done!” and signals for security.  I am now standing in the middle of the Apple Store, looking at my genius, who is giving me a “that will teach you to screw with Apple” look, and security is making his way over.

I ask Ms. Lobotomy and what her name is, she gives me her business card, tells me to get out, gives the secret Apple head not to security, and I am being silently escorted out of the store.  My iPhone is not working and they have not been able to fix it for a week.  To clarify, I have had 3 visits to the genius bar and they are now refusing to help me.

I have spent a small fortune being loyal to this brand over the years, yet some idiot, who thinks a blue shirt makes her special, treats me like a child? I have had wonderful experiences with really wonderful people at my local Apple store, but this was insane and every good experience I ever had has been erased by what happened today.

I love my Apple products and I’m not giving them up, but I want someone at Apple to tell me they are sorry.  I want the robot and the chick with the lobotomy to be reprimanded for their unprofessional, offensive, and unacceptable treatment of their customer.  I want them to say sorry for how they dealt with me and I want my phone to be fixed.

I am quite certain I am not the first person to swear at the Apple store.  In fact, I bet of all the stores in the world, people swear most often in an Apple Store. Furthermore, I have heard other people swear in the Apple store and have commiserated with them while they struggled to understand how someone can be a genius and moron at the same time.

Now I admit that using foul language is not appropriate in a place of business and I was wrong, but was there not a better way for Apple to handle the situation?  If she had been kind I would have been calm, and there would not have been a problem.  By not a problem of course I mean except for the fact that my phone is not working.  My phone is still not working!

I am embarrassed I lost my cool and I would like to offer an apology to the employees of my Apple store and any other shoppers who may have been offended by my language.  That said, had Apple fixed the problem the 1st time, or perhaps the 2nd time, this unfortunate incident could have been avoided.  I am truly sorry however for offending anyone.

It’s funny I suppose, but at the end of the day I am upset.  I was disrespected and treated unkindly.  I was not aggressive, threatening, or confrontational.  I simply wanted answers to my questions, and for the product they sold me to work.  They are Apple, and I am but one person, but they need to fix my phone so I’m keeping the faith.