Bethenny is Back and Nothing has Changed

Before we get started, let me say Bethenny announcing she had a miscarriage on the day her show premieres is odd.  This woman pees in a bucket on camera and lets the world know when she has sex, but is not going to announce this while on the way to the hospital?

One other thing is that if you are taking antibiotics, take them with water.  Chances of a pill burning a hole in your esophagus are the same as burning a hole from excessive vomiting.  That can also be learned on the Internet, which is how Bethenny self-diagnosed herself.

The new season of Bethenny Ever After begins with the announcement that she has sold Skinny Girl.  It’s sucks that reality television is so far behind reality.  Hard to watch when you know how it is going to end. Bethenny is back, not looking healthy, and not looking happy.

Bethenny tells us she needs to go to celebrity school to learn how to follow the rules.  Rule number 1: don’t have your husband follow you around like a lost puppy.  Rule number 2: don’t build your empire on the bodies of people you have stepped on to get to the top.

At her sangria launch she is hanging out with Hoda and taking full responsibility for Hoda’s love life.  She runs into Shawn the event planner, who gives a better kiss to Jason than Bethenny.  We also learn that Bethenny is going to discover “paying it forward”.

Nick is at the party and I love him.  He is a terrific kid and Bethenny tries to be funny with him, but it’s not funny.  Cut the kids some slack and try to respect how respectful he is of you.  Bethenny tells us she was never interested in being in the gossip rags.  Vomit #1 for me.

Bethenny and Jason have bought a new apartment.  To hear Bethenny tell it, it’s her apartment and he will just live there with her and her baby. Think what you want about Bethenny, she makes really beautiful babies. Bryn Hoppy is a gorgeous and super sweet baby.  Nice to see Cookie too.

Bethenny brings up the lawsuits against her and bravo to her for putting it all out there.  The thing is, she is selective about what she talks about.  She can say she is being sued and it’s stressful, yet lies about being lost at sea. I imagine with so many lies she is simply confused sometimes.

Bethenny has a million people working in her apartment.  This chick needs to get an office.  If she has so much money why not get a temporary space so people can work without sitting on each other?  Why?  Because this way looks better for the fake and made up situations of her show.

There is a bunch of chit chat with her minions and I’m not listening because I need to find something to tie my hair back because I know a hurl is coming at any moment.  Important to note that I don’t care what your body looks like, short shorts and heals is not cute after 40.

Bethenny is at a photo shoot whining about how she has changed, but it’s never enough.  She is complaining about Jason and I don’t get it. She is bitching about not wanting to see her in-laws and we learn she and Jason are fighting a lot.  I actually feel bad for her.

By feel bad for her of course I mean that karma is knocking on her door and she is clearly not prepared.  I think she thought she could hold karma off for a while longer.  The weight of her decisions is starting to get heavy and her childlike body cannot handle the pressure.

Jason is sweet with the baby.  Bethenny tells us she cleans all the time and having sex is not interesting when your kid is taking a crap on the floor.  That’s a nice mention of her daughter.  Bethenny used to be edgy and funny, but now she goes for shock not laughs.

She let’s us know they are not having sex and there are cobwebs on her husbands junk.  How this man puts up with her is beyond me.  I would be mortified if this is the picture that was painted of my life at home.  Money is sexy but is public humiliation worth it?  I vote no.

Bethenny meets a friend for lunch and let’s us know she spends her weekends with Bryn and not Jason.  Exactly what kind of marriage do they have?  Bethenny is a namedropper and truly believes she is on par with a real celebrity so good for her.  Delusion can be lots of fun.

We have now gone from talking about Jason’s junk to her vagina.  Honestly, what is she thinking?  This is what she wants her child to look back on and see?  Bethenny is all about Bethenny.  She is talking a lot about how much she enjoys being alone and loves it when Jason has plans.

We learn that Jason goes to church every week, and he goes alone.  I think it’s sad that she does not share in his faith.  It’s fake therapy time and I am on vomit #3.  This doctor is a quack, and you can actually see her lying, her liking the lie, and running with the story.  Fascinating.

We learn that Bethenny forced Jason into a pre-nup of some kind that he is now not happy with it.  She talks openly about how he does not trust her, and she needs to assure him she will not screw him over.  She screws everyone else over so why would she not screw over Jason?

Bethenny is out with Lisa Lampanelli and their conversation is vulgar, not funny, hurtful to Jason, and I’m skipping over it.  By skipping over it of course I mean pouring myself a drink. These chicks are offensive and Bethenny appears to be losing her hair.

Jason calls to say he has the keys to the apartment, but when Bethenny goes to meet him she is in a different outfit, so it was on another day, which is lame.  I’d be curious to know if they both own the apartment, or just Bethenny.  LOL.  Like we don’t know the answer to that question.

It’s a beautiful apartment but it feels like Jason is the broker showing it to her, not the owner.  I think it’s sad that she wants her office in the house. Poor Jason is an afterthought.  She has managed to turn his family into a business and that is a shame for him and for their baby.

I hear that Bethenny has said this will be the last year of her reality show. By the looks of the coming attractions, it could be the last year of her marriage too.  Bethenny is an interesting egg.  She has clearly struggled, and I’m not taking anything away from her, but she is hard to watch.

She lies about everything, gets caught in her lies, then slaps gag orders on those who reveal her lies.  That’s got to be an exhausting way to live your life.  At the end of the day if Bethenny is great at anything, her gift in life is being able to live it without keeping it real.