Celebrity Apprentice is Entertainment Gold

I have been waiting for this show for months.  I love it and this is the first season that they truly have brought in the celebrities.  Granted some are D-Listers, but they are all interesting, actually known, and bring their attitudes along with egos the size of Manhattan.  It’s going to be great!

I love Donald Trump on this show.  I would rather stick my hand down my own throat and remove my own kidney than have him as my President, but when it come to Apprentice, this man is brilliant.  He shines here.  From the hair, to the inflated sense of self, this man rocks it all.

The players:

Clay Aiken – American Idol runner up, never going to win

Michael Andretti – Racecar legend, never going to win

Adam Carolla – Radio host, never going to win

Tia Carrere – Has been, never going to win

Lou Ferrigno – the original Incredible Hulk, he’s got a shot

Debbie Gibson – Has been, total bitch, never going to win

Teresa Giudice – Real Housewife, she’s got a shot

Victoria Gotti – Mafia Princess, never going to win

Arsenio Hall – Talk show legend, never going to win

Penn Jillette – Vegas showman, he’s got a shot

Lisa Lampanelli – Comedienne, never going to win

Dayana Mendoza – Beauty Queen, never going to win

Aubrey O’Day – Fame whore, never going to win

Dee Snider – Twisted Sister front man, he’s got a shot

George Takei – Star Trek legend, never going to win

Paul Teutul, Sr. – American Chopper dad, never going to win

Patricia Velásquez – No clue who she is, never going to win

Cheryl Tiegs – Supermodel, never going to win

I love this group and before the show even stared I had my favorites.  I am pulling for Teresa Guidice, Lou Ferrigno, George Takei and Adam Carolla. Before we get started, let me just say I think Aubrey O’Day is a moron and it will be near impossible to be kind when it comes to her.

It’s men against women.  The men’s team is called “Unanimous”, and women’s team is called “Forte”.  Sidebar:  Victoria Gotti’s hair weighs more than she does, Paul Teutel appears to be void of any personality, and George Takai is going to be eaten alive by the sharks grasping at fame.

The first task is to sell sandwiches.  The team who raises the most money, tips included, wins the task.  Paul Sr. is the project manager for the men and Patricia is the leader for the women. Paul Sr. throws out that he will bring in 500K and says he will do it himself if he has to.  Red flag.

The men are cohesive right out of the gate, although it seems to me that Paul Sr. might be a little homophobic.  The women are gunning for each other from the start.  Aubrey is too dumb for words and Debbie Gibson is just mean.  We are 30 minutes in and I am hooked.

Michael Andretti comes in to replace his son Marco who backed out after the loss of racecar driver Dan Wheland in Las Vegas.  It’s nice that he came to fill in and lovely when Dee Snider asks about Marco before discussing the task.  I like Dee, and I love his wife, so I hope he does well.

Debbie Gibson is bashing everyone and Aubrey thinks she is the greatest thing ever.  These two broads know they don’t have a shot in hell of winning so they are trying to be controversial so they get press time. Not working.  We just think your lame and ready for the boot.

Watching Cheryl try to separate slices of cheese was a little sad and poor George is super sweet and being disrespected, which is also sad. Victoria bails on the group ride over and I’m not digging her.  She buys into her own hype too much and thinks she has the power of her dad.

Victoria thinks she tore her cornea or her retina.  Translation:  her mascara took a little longer than she anticipated.  Lou Ferrigno tales off his shirt and let me just say, yummy, yummy ding dong.  Penn is working his magic on the street and drumming up business.  I like him a lot.

For the women, Teresa is working the crowd, while Aubrey wants us to believe she is charming. Translation:  She is a moron. Sandwiches are selling and while Wycelf came to support the women, the vibe at the men’s shop is much more fun.  Did I mention Aubrey is an idiot?

Clay is hustling and it’s cute.  Over with the women, they are also bringing in money.  Andy Cohen from Bravo comes by, but Patricia is the one bringing in the most celebs and the most money.  Russell Simmons wants a vegan sandwich for Cheryl and Victoria whip up one.

Trump calls and tells each team to take a sandwich to the Rachael Ray show and she is going to pick her favorite sandwich, and that team will win money.  Rachael Ray is not an opinion I would care about but whatever.  She tries them both and a winner will be announced at the end.

The men have slacked on their fundraising because they are all saving their donors for when they are project manager.  They are trusting that Paul Sr. will do what he said which is lame, but I would have done the same.  Patricia is invested which means we know she will lose.

The task is over and we are in the boardroom. Patricia says Tia did great, but Tia says she can be brought into the boardroom if they lose.  Man she is dumb.  Patricia says the two weakest players are Victoria and Cheryl.  Cheryl is getting beat down and Victoria is not standing for it.

Paul Sr. says the men were great and the stand out player was Penn, then he is mean to George.  It was sad because George worked hard and I think it was a homophobic thing.  He clearly has no clue who Clay Aiken is, or that he is gay.  He also throws Arsenio under the bus.

The biker dude is over the black guy and gay man. It is official, I love George and am now hoping he kicks ass and lasts longer than Paul Sr.  Paul Sr. calls him meek and for a minute I think George might cry.  Adam points out Paul is bagging on the minorities, which is hilarious.

Rachael Ray picks the men as having the best sandwich and they win a bonus $35K.  Trump then talks to Lou and let’s be very clear, this man is delicious. I adore him and am so glad he is on this show.  I loved watching him when I was a kid and I hope this is a great comeback for him.

The women raise a total of $127K and the men bring in a total of $332K. Now it gets a little weird.  With the bonus money they raised $367K.  Paul Sr. says he raised $305K from one gift, so if you take off the bonus, they brought in $27K in sales.  Who gives a donation of $305K?

I think the donation came from Paul Sr. himself and so technically while not cheating, is a little unethical.  I feel bad for Patricia because she really kicked ass and earned the win.  To see her lose the money she raised is heartbreaking.  Celebrity Apprentice is a bunch of sharks.

Paul wins almost $500K for Make a Wish which is great, but still sad for Patricia.  Sidebar:  exactly how much make up is Aubrey wearing?  Debbie Gibson looks great and clearly takes care of herself, but she’s obviously had some filler.  A couple of hundred times.

Cheryl is getting eaten alive.  She is quiet, not aggressive, and you know it’s going to be over for her. They are also after Victoria so there are a lot of mafia jokes, which is dumb.  Aubrey tries to throw in the Diddy card and in the end looks like an idiot.  I can’t wait for her to get fired.

The boardroom was catty, which is expected, but it got personal which was surprising for day one.  I get that everyone is trying to save themselves, but it was just mean.  That’s how chicks roll no matter how old they are I guess. We are stuck in high school for our entire lives.

Cheryl is sweet and I feel for her, but they are trashing her and she agrees she is not cut out for this kind of thing.  Trump is really lovely to her, and in the end fires her.  God bless Cheryl for coming out, but as expected, she’s fired.  She came, she tried, she failed.

This show is so good!  I have loved the past seasons, but this year I am interested in almost all of the players which makes it more fun.  I have my favorites, the ones I’m gunning for, and the ones I know will surprise me. Celebrity Apprentice is back, brilliant, and keeping it real.