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October 13, 2014

When asked about a potential lifetime partner, I always offer the same litmus test:  “Is s/he kind?”

The most important aspect of a person’s character is kindness, the filter through which all acts of love and courage are expressed.

“How do I know if he is kind?”  The question is answered by another.

“How does he treat the waiter at the restaurant?”  Kindness can be experienced in how he exerts control over those who are at his disposal.

“How does she treat the invisible?” In every society, there are the forgotten, the invisible:  The bereaved, the sick, the lonely elderly, the orphan and the poor.  These are people who have no voice and have become marginalized.  “Does she mock them, or does she find ways to help them, to make them whole again?”

The Steipler Gaon teaches that Sukkah is the celebration of God’s kindness.  Sukkah celebrates the clouds that covered the desert travelers.  While manna and water were necessary for survival, the cloud covering was an act lovingkindness. Rabbi David Wolpe further offers “A ring must be offered under the chupah because a gift is not necessary, but rather a mark of love. Sustenance alone is not enough; love finds its expression in offering more than the beloved needs. Love is lavish; no parent is satisfied to give a child only what she needs. Love overspills boundaries, whether spreading a blanket on a sleeping child or covering the desert with clouds.”

In the beginning, God clothes Adam and Eve, in the middle He visits ailing Abraham, and in the end He buries Moses- all acts of lovingkindness, none necessary.  

The only true religion is kindness; the only true temple- acts of lovingkindness.  There is profound truth to the teaching of Dalai Lama XIV: “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” Without being transformed to act in lovingkindness, any holy book is not read properly.  Any religion which hurts God’s children is man-made; any religion that teaches acts of loving kindness is of God.

It is not enough to read poetry, to speak romantically, to talk of love.  To be made in God's Image is to act kindly. 

Search for acts of lovingkindness and you will find the spark of God in a lifetime partner.

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