Kever Avot 5770

Jews worldwide mark the approaching High Holy Days with annual visits to the graves of departed loved ones.

Jews are a passionate people with a storied history of debate, challenging the spoken and written word and holding an opinion on almost every topic imaginable. Debate is part of our bloodline, encouraged at dining room tables, day schools and yeshivas across the country. What other religious or ethnic group is known for answering a question with a question?

The phrase “time heals all wounds” is misleading. We hold our breath, and as the years pass we hope that the pain of loss will end. Often we are disappointed. However, it is possible to use time as a healer. In so doing the progression of the seasons can bring comfort.

They come to the cemetery with a pocketful of stones for the gravesite. Once we’ve recited the tradition’s prayers and a few words of memory, they dutifully place the stones on the marker. But I can see in their faces that the stones they carry home are so much bigger than those left behind. Tiny pebbles are left on the grave marker, but boulders sit heavily on the heart: cold stones of bitterness, betrayal and rage.