Tidbit From Retreat

I find when one tries to articulate an inarticulable experience, all that emerges is a bunch of lonely words strung together. In these days post the retreat I was just on through INSIGHT LA, I have certainly been aware of this. So I’m just going to tell one story.

The Royal Way Ranch in Lucerne Valley which housed this retreat is, from what my friend who has attended others, like the Four Seasons of retreat spots. And so it sounds from its name. There was a pool, sauna and jacuzzi on the grounds but no mention of such to aid in our packing, so no bathing suit found its way into my suitcase.

The schedule was quite simple. Morning sit for an hour, breakfast, sit, walk, sit, walk, then lunch. Break, followed by sit, walk, sit… You get the gist. I must add here that each meal, was always an utterly holy experience, a taste bud’s excursion through exotic time and place, always to bring us back to the fresh offerings of this valley’s present moment. That first day after the offering they named LUNCH, I set out to find this jacuzzi in order to shake off some of the unique sleepiness that marks meditation retreats.

There was one other woman using the spa. She was prepared, somehow, in her bathing suit, and smiled at me upon arrival. This group didn’t seem as strict as some in silence who do not make eye contact with one another. I smiled back, availed myself of the restroom, and returned in my yoga top and shorts under my towel.  I slid into the water when she had her eyes closed, and we shared the space of the water without further contact of any sort.

I thought how embarrassed my daughters would have been by this escapade of mine. Though in truth, I was more covered up than the bathing suit wearer, I was breaking the rules and that would not be ok to them. Had I been worried what I might HEAR from my fellow bather’s or how I would have to explain myself, I could not have entered this water. In silence, we can see, and hear I suppose, how often words restrict us. I was not harming the water, nor was I unclothed by any means, so I was observing rules for community harmony, that of modesty and hygiene. I wondered, how much more freely might we live if we were not so burdened by the opinions of others? Let’s face it, she might have been on to my little secret. But if she was, I knew she wouldn’t AND COULDN’T tell me, because our vow of silence was more compelling that our norms of social judgment. I loved this lesson. I loved the calm freedom it gave me, some co-mingling of autonomy, self compassion, and awareness of the community from a very objective perspective.

What would you do if you did not concern yourself with the observations of others? In truth, their judgments are not your concern. What more meaningful lessons might be found in the quiet about our happiness and the happiness of others?

If this is all too lofty, forgive me. Words are only placeholders for true experience after all.

See you this week, MONDAY March 14, at 8:30 am

AND sadly, I CANNOT TEACH WEDNESDAY MORNING OF THIS WEEK, but let me know if there is another morning or evening enough of you can make it this week, and I will try to make it happen!

In peace and gratitude,

Michelle