Appropriate Dating

A man on a dating sight clicked that he liked my picture. I checked him out and his profile didn’t make my back spasm, so I thought it might be nice to chat. I sent a message, he sent one back, we had some good banter, and phone numbers were exchanged. It was a Wednesday. On Thursday we talked on the phone for about 30 minutes, and by the end of the call had made plans to see each other on the weekend.

I had plans on Friday, he had plans on Saturday, so we made plans to meet on Sunday. I sent him a text on Sunday morning to check in and see if we were still on to meet. He told me he had a date the night before and it went really well. He said he wanted to see where it went and was going to focus on her. He hid his profile online and made plans to see the woman again because their date was so good.

It was lovely. I was happy for him that he met someone he wanted to invest in, and was happy to have an appropriate dating exchange. It was wonderful that he was respecting the woman he met, the woman he was blowing off, and ultimately himself. I am often told I romanticize dating, and have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should look like, but this made me think maybe I don’t.

Of course I do really, but for a moment while communicating with this stranger, I felt that my desire for decency and kindness while dating was a possibility. I was comforted by it and it was nice. It was very romantic for this man to step away from dating while he was dating, and I hope the woman he is interested in knows that he made a romantic gesture on her behalf, because it truly matters. Bravo to this man.

It turns out that I suck at dating. My history has left me brave, but damaged just enough to have my bravery occasionally come across as a little crazy. I really do mean well, and my intentions are good, but recently I saw the crazy through someone else’s eyes and it was sad and embarrassing, but also charming. Seeing myself from a different perspective, has left me hopeful that the right person will see beyond my crazy to my heart.

I deactivated all my online dating accounts today. I met someone great and was so scared I would blow it, that I lost my way. I was so focused on getting somewhere, that I forgot to pay attention to how great the ride there was. It happens. I will be more careful next time. By next time of course I mean I am hoping I will be given a do over. A girl can dream, and I am a girl who likes to dream big.

It is not hard for dating to be appropriate. It simply requires some basic kindness. Kindness and an occasional do over. There are many aspects of our lives that would benefit from kindness. I decided today that I am going to be kind to myself. My first act of kindness is to step away from online dating. It is time to slow down and enjoy the ride, which will leave me more time for keeping the faith.