Dating 101: Being Stood Up


A couple of years ago I was at my local pub watching a Premier League football game and a man held the door open for me. I thought it was lovely and when I thanked him, he smiled kindly. I never thought about it again, until I saw him on an online dating site. I wrote to say hello, but didn’t mention the pub. He never wrote back. This past weekend however, he wrote.

He simply asked if I’d like to grab a drink. He seemed like a nice guy from his profile, and was a gentleman at the pub, so I agreed to a drink. He wrote again on Saturday, asking if I was up for an early cocktail. I was working, but planned to wrap up and meet him for a drink around 7. He never called. We never met. I was stood up and while not a big deal, it really hurt my feelings.

Dating is hard. It requires a level of bravery and so to talk yourself into trying again, only to be blown off, is rather upsetting. Because I am kind, I wrote to make sure he was okay. He wrote back to say he had worked all day, took a nap, slept longer than expected, was out, and I should come meet him. It was now 9:30 and there was no way I was going to head to a bar for him.

If he was able to wake up, shower, and get to a bar without calling me, he was simply not that into it. I don’t know that he would have even reached out had I not checked on him. He owed me nothing of course, but it seems to me there should be a level of decency when dating, and while perhaps a naive and stupid thought, he is Jewish so the lack of respect felt more personal.

I assumed he would call me Sunday to apologize, but he didn’t. Here’s the thing, I have never been asked out online and not responded. I appreciate how hard it is to ask someone out and so even if I have no interest, I am going to write a note. I’m a nice girl. I have never stood anyone up, never been unkind, never treated a man in a way I would not want to be treated.

At the end of the day I’m not meant to date a man who would stand me up, so nothing ventured nothing gained. On one hand I wish my feelings hadn’t been hurt, but on the other hand, the fact that my feelings were hurt, shows the type of person I am. I’m sensitive, which doesn’t help when dating, but I am also brave so I will try again, hope he shows, and keep the faith.

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