Real Housewives of Orange County Week 5 Recap
Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.
- I’m already bored
- I’m still watching the opening credits
- I’ve made myself a Cosmo
- It tastes as good as an orgasm
- Jose is here
- He’s resting on ice
- He thinks RHOC is hilarious
- Not in a good way
- In a Trump is President way
- Lunch at the beach
- Meghan, Tamra, Shannon
- The cousin/nanny is there too
- Meghan is a twat
- Shannon is drinking
- Tequila is on her diet
- Nanny takes the baby away
- Meghan has no idea what she is doing
- Or how idiotic she sounds
- Shannon is still whining about her weight
- Meghan says her marriage is to blame not Vicki
- Meghan is having a party to introduce the baby
- Vicki is invited
- Blah, blah, blah
- Lydia is on a family vacation in Hawaii
- She is a good Christian
- Her boys are talking about kissing naked
- Jesus wants them to know about sex
- Lydia says Jesus loves sex
- I am dying
- Jesus is here and he spit out his drink
- He’s on the floor laughing
- His robe is going to get wrinkled!
- This sex talk to small children is painful
- Oh.My. God.
- Lydia and her hubs were virgins when they got married
- I can’t
- Poor girl
- How does she know he is even good in bed?
- FYI: Jesus does not love sex
- He is however fine with you having sex
- He also says he does not care if you’re married
- He also does not care who you sleep with
- He also believes in same sex marriage
- He told me to tell you that
- He is laughing again
- I think JC may have had a sip of my Cosmo
- By accident of course
- Bless him
- Time to hear about Peggy being Armenian
- Ugh with this one already
- Her description of being Armenian sounds Jewish
- Peggy is car name dropping
- Peggy invites them to a party
- Shannon declines because Vicki will be here
- Shannon is a fucking nut job
- Not a regular nut job
- A fucking nut job
- Jesus is telling me to use less profanity
- Jose says more
- These two are fun together
- Kelly is out with her mom
- Who cares?
- Her mom is looking at a senior center
- I can’t
- The woman at the center thinks Kelly is a moron
- So do I
- Her mom looks great for 68
- They are now fighting
- I want to punch Kelly
- Kelly is crying
- I’m skipping over Kelly
- She’s disgusting
- Time for Vicki
- I’m going to make out with Jose right now
- Jesus is in the restroom
- Michael has a girlfriend
- Vicki wants him to have a pre-nup
- She also wants him to practice safe sex
- I want to impale myself
- Kelly invites Tamra to coffee
- Tamra calls Shannon to tell her
- Gossiping bitches
- Shannon needs to be institutionalized
- I would cheat on Shannon
- That’s mean
- I know Jesus, I know
- Lydia wants her hubs to get snipped
- She does not want any more kids
- Jesus says Lydia is an interesting Christian
- I finished my Cosmo
- I also drank Jose off the ice
- He’s now staring at me from the bottle
- I love him
- I’m sick of Meghan and her nanny
- Jim goes straight to the baby
- That is a cute baby
- Meghan is unwatchable
- Tamra is having a hot flash
- Kelly is fucking with Tamra
- Tamra is too dumb to see it
- This show is great when you’re a little drunky
- Kelly plays dirty on Twitter
- Tamra should not be talking to her
- Dumb and dumber
- Tamra apologizes
- Kelly accepts it
- Kelly is vicious
- Peggy keeps looking at the camera
- They are having a car event
- They are rich
- Rich, rich, rich
- Rich and Armenian
- Might as well be a Kardashian
- They are equally as uninteresting as the Kardashians
- Time for the party
- Lydia looks great
- Meghan’s dress is hideous
- Lydia is telling everyone about the snipping
- That’s the Christian way
- Ball cutting in the name of Jesus
- Vicki arrives
- The car is revealed
- The car is gross
- Nobody cares about the car
- Meghan invites the girls to her party
- They promise to be nice to Shannon and Tamra
- Never going to happen
- Tamra and her gay husband are at Shannon’s
- Shannon’s husband is dead in the eyes
- Shannon and Tamra are blowing off Peggy
- Everyone is going to play nice for the baby party
- Vicki is full of shit
- Meghan calls her out on it
- Vicki is mentally stunted
- Meghan is not afraid to say anything
- Vicki says she has done all she can
- Meghan suggests she could do more
- Vicki says she has apologized many times
- To everyone
- I am Team Meghan on this one
- Vicki stops being an idiot and she can stop apologizing
- Peggy is not a fit on this show
- Peggy holds Meghan’s mouth shut
- Meghan should have slapped Peggy’s hand away
- These women are embarrassing
- They are also street crack
- I’m hooked
- Jose is sleeping
- Jesus is leaving
- I’m going to watch The Bachelorette
- I’m drunk but keeping it real
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