September 20, 2018

Real Housewives of New York City Week 11 Recap

Typos are generously provided by Vicodin.

While I absolutely love doing bullet point recaps, it has been requested by several readers that this week I do a good old fashioned version with paragraphs and a little extra snark. Since you asked so nicely, I’m going to honor your wishes. By asking nice of course I mean some of you let me have it. I love it when you’re ballsy and demand blogs! Important to note I just got home from the dentist, the Novocain is wearing off, and I have had a painkiller. Have a cocktail for me and let’s get started.

We begin this week with Tinsley speaking through her nasal cavity and Carole joining her for a meal, which will undoubtedly make me sick.  They speak of an event they both went to and Carole says Anne Hathaway was not as great looking as the press said. Dear Lord. She then reads Page 6 where they mention how fabulous it is to have Tinsley back in New York society, and Carole gets mentioned as being with Tinsley. Oy vey. Carole will now want to go everywhere with Tinsley. #starfucker

Tinsley acts like she is hearing this for the first time when we all know she has already framed it and put it under her pillow. Bless her. Tinsley is suffering from PTSD from her arrest. I wonder how long she will milk that as a storyline. Carole thinks Tinsley should cut her hair to reinvent herself. It must be the Vicodin because I think Carole is being cute and kind of funny. I’m not well. Jose is looking at me with lust and I want to go to bed, but I shall persevere. Onward!

Over to Sonja’s, Frenchy is cooking her. I can’t. Sonja is absolutely fabulous and great TV, but this storyline is simply beneath her.  Sonja talking to Frenchy with some kind of an accent is hilarious. She is upset he comes into her bathroom unannounced, and he suggests she simply close the bathroom door. Sonja says he will have the bathroom Tinsley is using when she leaves. (She’s never leaving.) Sonja is a great girlfriend and unappreciated by the other women, which is a real shame.

Cut to Ramona who has Facetimed her daughter to talk about having a cocktail party to show off her redecorated apartment. Is Avery the only one who is willing to shoot with Ramona? The thirst is real with this broad. She is so thirsty she’d fit in better with the ladies of Atlanta because those bitches are parched. Back to Tinsley, she is looking at apartments with her mom, who is gorgeous. Can anyone explain why she would need a four bedroom apartment? Anyone? Hello?

Jumping to Carole, she is finally recovering her cat infested couch and manages to name drop. Ugh. Move on sweetie. Until Lee Radziwell joined her on camera for a cup of tea, she needs to let it go. Adam comes by and Carole explains she is happy they no longer live together. She then tells Adam to get every last thing of his out of the apartment, all the way down to his Tupperware. Adam needs a haircut and Carole needs to find someone more appropriate as this appears to have run its course.

It is a shame Tinsley cannot appreciate Sonja in the same way her mother does. Tinsley cries because she feels overwhelmed by her current circumstances. She again tells us she has experienced great trauma and while I can feel compassion for whatever is going on in her head, I’m done. I really want her to be on this show because I think she could be good TV at some point, but I will lose interest if she doesn’t get her shit together quickly. You can do it Tinsley! Gather up your balls.

Twenty-five minutes in and we finally get some Bethenny. She is making this show, so this is a bit long to wait for her. Fredrik is over to help her declutter her apartment so it is more sellable. There is a bar, which cost over $40,000, and Frederik does not think he can get top dollar for her apartment until it is gone. Moving it however, may break it. Really? Auction it off for charity and call it a day. Good for her that she can afford such things, but gross of her to talk about how much it cost.

Cut to Carole who is packing to go to Washington for the Women’s March with Dorinda. Bravo. Cut to Sonja, she has left Frenchy at home to meet Rocco for a date. Sonja needs to dump the French fame whore and be with Rocco for real. Time to grow up my darling Sonja. He is lovely, thinks you are fabulous, is age appropriate, and not only get you, but accepts you. I wish Sonja wanted for herself all the things we want for her. I love how he looks at her and listens to her. She does;t get it.

Sonja tells Rocco she is sleeping with Frenchy and I feel bad for him. Doing this on camera is in very poor taste. Sonja assures Rocco she is only sleeping with one other person. For the love of God. Sonja is crazy to think Frenchy is anything other than young, fame hungry, and gay. Rocca is being classy, charming, and ultimately foolish. Sonja needs to jump in or out and that needs to be decided yesterday. This storyline is embarrassing and not even a little bit interesting or flattering to Sonja.

Dorinda and Carole are in Washington at the Women’s March. BRAVO. Back to NYC, Ramona is having her cocktail party and for the first time on the show has pulled all her hair off her face into a ponytail. She looks like Kathy Lee Gifford. Carole slams the ponytail within two minutes, which is mean but funny. Tinsley’s mom Dale is divine and must come on more often. Her silent judgement of Ramona, while being a true Southern Belle, has instantly made me fall in love with her.

Everyone is arriving and seamlessly fall into classic blowing of smoke up each other’s asses. Dorinda tells Ramona she looks severe and she is not sure what to do with it. Seriously, who does not love Dorinda when she is not drunk and sloppy? Harry arrives and starts to flirt with Tinsley. He is gross and reminds me of Tom, who is also gross. Tinsley shuts Harry down, gets her mother away from him, and calls him an asshole. Perfection. Harry, like Tom, will end up marrying one of them. Ugh.

Sonja arrives and Harry is on her like white on rice. I can’t. Luann and Tom arrive and it is sad. I just don’t think Tom is that into Luann. Tragic. Bethenny is not going and Ramona took her RSVP of no as them talking. Ramona is painfully dumb. Bethenny does not like her and she is in a panic because if there is anyone who can ensure she does not come back for another season, it is Bethenny. Ramona is desperate and it is shameful. She sees her end in sight and is now pathetic, which is entertaining

Ramona has invited Missy, who was sleeping with Tom when he started dating Luann.  Of course she invited her by accident and never meant to mingle her two groups of friends. This is major bullshit. Ramona is putting nails into her own coffin and watching her do it is fascinating. This is Phaedra level shade and we all how that ended for Ms. Parks. Missy is standing too close to Tom, who tells her he is getting used to wearing a wedding ring, which he compares to a dog wearing a collar.

Poor Luann. This is mortifying but she has nobody to blame but herself. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. She turned a blind eye and now has to see everything with perfect vision. I honestly feel bad for her. The humiliation will come quick and hard, much like how I assume Tom is in bed. Luann makes a b-line for Tom and asks if Missy is the woman from The Regency. He blows it off and Luann says she is also friends with her exes. Oh. My. God. Make it stop.

My painkiller has now fully kicked in. Luann is trying to will death upon Missy, Tom is wondering if he can slip into the bathroom with Missy, Sonja is talking about how cheap everything is in Ramona’s apartment, Dorinda is doing the Robot, and I need to go to bed. Someone breaks something in the apartment, Ramona screams oh shit, and Sonja assures them it is okay because it only cost $12.00. This show is fantastic. I’ll be back next week, thankfully with a cocktail, keeping it real.