Real Housewives of New York City Week 5 Recap


 

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

It’s time for Carole’s election party. Ugh. I wonder what she will try to make her storyline for the rest of the season. Will we just watch her cry? Talk about shacking up? Carole is here because of Bethenny, and while Bethenny is bringing this season back to life, as she did last season, I’m not sure that is worth having to watch Carole. The good news is that I am taking a shot every time Carole chews with her mouth open and talks with her mouth full. Let the intoxication begin.

We start with Carole going to work on the election with her mother, who is only 18 yeas older than her. Her mother seems lovely, but I can’t. There is simply nothing interesting about Carole. Not one damn thing, including her Cookie Monster coat. Bless her. Cut to Ramona, she is having some face work done. More face work. She looks amazing for 60 so good for her. She is annoying, and a horrible friend, but there are no surprises here. Ramona is always simply Ramona.

Back to Carole, she is dropping the Kennedy name again and I am laughing. At her. Dear Lord. Carole needs to move on. She is bitching about Adam, trying again to make it sound like no big deal to be shacking up. Blah, blah, blah. Carole says she has no regrets in not having kids and also has no burning desire to introduce Adam to her parents. Carole is weird. Sidebar: I could watch the commercial for the finale of the RHOA reunion over and over again. So excited!

Time for time with Sonja. She is on a date with a man who is clearly into her. He is who she dates, not who she sleeps with. She has someone else for that. Oy vey. Sonja is fabulous and I love her. She should stop sleeping the child she is hooking up with, and marry Rocco. Enough already. Sonja mentions Tinsley didn’t bother to get her a birthday card. That is shitty since she’s staying with her. Even though that shacking up is scripted bullshit, she should’ve got a card.

Speaking of scripted bullshit, Dorinda and Luann meet to do some shopping for Tom. Lu has already bought Tom a Rolex for the wedding, but thinks he needs a tie too. Luann is blinded by love. Translation: she is a fool. Dorinda is planning a surprise birthday party for Ramona. It is election day and while some are blowing off Carole’s party, she is there and very high strung. It is funny to watch as we know how it all ended. She is clearly just a tad too invested.

Bethenny is out with friends who she will take with her to Carole’s. Bethenny is a good friend because she knows Carole is being mental, but supports her anyway. Bethenny is the exact opposite kind of friend to what Ramona is. I wouldn’t want to be fake lost at sea with Bethenny, but she is a good friend. Bath at Carole’s party, Heather Thomas is there and looks great. The numbers are coming in and Carole appears to be short of breath and it is very early. Hilarious.

Bethenny lets Dorinda know she is not going to Ramona’s birthday. Bravo. I wouldn’t go if I were her either. I would however give her a signed DVD of my “soft porn” film. Trump is projected to win and Carole leaves her own party. Cut to the morning and Trump has won. Carole is heartbroken and confused. Much like how all smart and educated people were on the morning after the election. Carole is crying and I feel for her because I cried the same day. Trump is garbage.

In another useless bit of scripted bullshit, Carole is shopping with Ramona. Come on! Ramona wants to talk about Bethenny, Carole doesn’t want to get involved, then talks about it. Whatever. Carole blows Dorinda’s surprise party, Ramona plays dumb, because she is dumb, and that is that. We are halfway through and I feel like I’m wasting my time. Over to Sonja, she is with Tinsley, getting ready to go out to Ramona’s surprise party. I’m taking a shot to perk me up.

Dorinda is picking up Ramona, but Dorinda is running late so she leaves without her. She is a truly shitty person. Ramona arrives, pretends to be surprised, and the party begins. This is so lame. Harry is there and Sonja is annoyed. Oy vey. Sonja is somewhat tragic, Tinsley is a bitch, and Ramona is really loud. She reminds me of Kathy Lee Gifford. Sorry Kathy Lee. Ramona’s date George arrives to the party. Really? I’m not buying that for one second. Not happening.

Ramona is ignoring her fake date and it is hilarious. John is talking up Luann and he remains icky. Bless him. Ramona asks Dorinda if she invited Bethenny, and is told she declined the invitation. Ramona is clearly annoyed. Whatever. Ramona is drunk and chatting with Sonja about Bethenny not coming. Sonja is blindly supportive, which is lovely, but Ramona is crazy and Sonja says as much. Did Ramona say Brynn is 6 and sophisticated enough to talk about porn? Dumbass.

Sonja is so lovely. She knows Ramona is being an idiot, but also knows there is nothing she can do or say to make Ramona see she was wrong. Ramona is lucky to have Sonja because she certainly does not deserve her friendship or loyalty. Another week gone without anything particularly interesting happening. Not to worry because next week will be a Ramona/Bethenny face off, which looks fabulous. I’ll be back next week, with Jose, to keep it real.