September 21, 2018

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Finale Recap

 

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

A very interesting season has come to an end. Who would have thought I would be a fan of LVP and Kyle, but I am. They made this season watchable and I thank them both. Rinna is singlehandedly ruining this show and if they bring her back I will be done No matter how fabulous the other women may be, Rinna coming back will simply make this show unwatchable. It is time to kick the twat to the curb.

The finale is set at LVP’s glorious house. Rinna has the body of a young boy and Eileen needs a new hairstylist. LVP is perfection and Dorit is pretty, even though I don’t get the hair. Two minutes in and Rinna is already nauseating. Eden arrives and we are reminded she is invisible. Bless her. Kyle’s imitation of Dorit’s accent is spot on and Erika looks ridiculous. Kim Richards looks ready to come back!

Rinna is a sociopath and I want to hit her. A right hook straight to the face. I’d never hit her of course, but I would accidently shove her down a flight of stairs or shave her head. That could totally happen. Eden is talking to Eileen and Rinna, and thinks Rinna has evil energy. Only interesting thing Eden said all season. Bless her. Rinna is the only person who thinks Rinna is funny. Dear Lord. Enough.

LVP gives a speech in honor of her kids and party is in full swing. Kim talks to Dorit and talks shit about Rinna, which Kim totally gets and commiserates. Rinna needs to be out and Kim needs to be back in. Dorit needs to not talk shit about Rinna. Not because it isn’t true, but rather because Rinna is vicious and will attack. For someone who is sick of people talking about her snatch, Erika talks about it a lot.

Fifteen minutes in and I’m bored. Rinna blows smoke up Kim’s ass, and Kim tells her she has been hearing things. LVP eggs her on, but whatever. It needed to be done. Sidebar: I am not watching the idiots form Potomac. Rinna runs to Eileen and Erika joins in. These are the mean girls. Mean and stupid.  Eileen buts in, here she doesn’t belong and honestly she needs to go away with her loser soap opera friend.

Everyone is now talking shit about everyone else, including Mauricio and PK. Ugh. LVP is stirring trouble and I kind of love it. Dorit tells Rinna she was not happy about Hong Kong, and Rinna is painful in her reply. All the women are together now and Rinna says he did not appreciate being accused of using Xanax, and LVP insists no such thing was said. Eden is talking but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.

Rinna is talking shit and LVP calls her on it. Rinna is mental and Dorit is ballsy. Rinna is insisting she tells the truth, which is hilarious. Rinna is sociopathic with her lying so this is seriously funny. Rinna changes the subject to Erika and her vagina, and I just can’t. She is deflecting and it is fascinating to watch. LVP is trying to mellow things out but Erika is not having it. Erika is being an idiot, which is a drag.

PK is watching his wife from the shadows, then circles like a shark, and comes in for back up. We are back to the underwear and I am so done. Erika asks PK if he comments on her vagina. PK defends his wife and while it is charming and wonderful, his choice of words is unfortunate. Why is Erika talking to PK about Dorit like she is not right there? Erika has shot going on for sure.

Erika doesn’t want to be called honey and I’m now laughing at how idiotic this is. I’m done. I’m not even paying attention at this point. Randomly Eden tells Rinna she is not cool to her, and Rinna laughs in her face. Eden is now yelling calling Rinna a bitch while making a fool out of herself. Oy vey. What she is saying is great, she is simply not articulate enough to say it correctly. Eden is imploding.

In the end I feel sorry for Eden, but don’t think she should come back. I think Erika has lost some of her appeal, Eileen is useless, Dorit should be given another chance with another season, Rinna needs to be cut loose, Kyle is voted most likeable, and LVP wears the crown. The reunion looks like it will be the best part so I will be back next week with tequila to keep it real.