September 26, 2018

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Weeks 6 & 7 Recap

Typos are generously provided by Jose Cuervo.

With this blog I will be caught up on all my Housewives recaps. Two hours of Atlanta almost sent me into a coma, so I am hoping Beverly Hills has been able to find a storyline that does not include Erika’s vagina while I was away. Probably not, but a girl can dream. I’ve Jose with me tonight and we are ready. By ready of course I mean I am going to do a shot every time they talk about Erika’s vag, so please pray for my liver while reading. Enjoy a double dose of bullet points.

Week 6

– Eileen is a gossiping bitch
– Dorit’s accent makes my back spasm
– Eileen is paranoid
– Not a good look
– Dorit feels picked on
– Eileen just can’t help herself
– We’re talking about Erika’s vag
– Shot #1
– Dorit isn’t English
– Dorit wishes she were English
– Camille should come back fulltime
– Everyone is jealous of Erika’s vag
– Kyle is having a game night
– No good can come of that
– Eileen holds grudges
– Please stop talking Eileen
– Shhhhhhh
– Kyle needs a more impressive house
– Kim is back!
– Kim looks gorgeous
– Kyle is a twat to Kim
– Not buying the goodness
– I call bullshit on Kyle
– Kyle thinks Kim shoplifted her dress
– Kyle is a bitch
– I’m not sure about Eden
– Too early to tell
– Loved her Dad though
– Eden is into crystals
– Oy vey
– Rinna is on Eden like white on rice
– Rinna makes my eye twitch
– Eden is sober
– Rinna is an idiot
– Honestly
– An idiot
– Eden is talking shit about her dead parents
– Not cool
– No storyline for Eden
– Erika is making a video
– Good for her
– Not a storyline though
– Kyle is flashbacking
– Kyle needs Brandi to be interesting
– Everyone has arrived to game night
– Being late is super rude
– Bitches
– LVP chats up Kim
– Eileen needs to gossip like she needs air
– Rinna is dirty
– Kim should stay away from the garbage
– Rinna is garbage
– Kim sitting across from Rinna is bullshit
– Rinna and Eileen are mean girls
– I want to punch Rinna in the face
– Gosh darn it
– I’m skipping over the games
– I just can’t
– Dorit has a crush on Eden
– Hey Dorit, you’re NOT BRITISH
– Dorit is now hitting on Eden
– PK must want a new vagina
– Bless him
– Eden is not a lesbian
– Eden would bang Erika before Dorit
– We all would Eden
– Eileen is gossiping again
– I need Eileen to go home now
– We’re back onto Erika’s vag
– Shot #2
– Eileen goes after Dorit again
– Dear Lord
– STFU Eileen
– Vagina again
– Shot #3
– Dorit is over the attacking
– Kyle is an idiot
– As a housewife and on Celebrity Apprentice
– Kyle is gross
– Don’t be friends with Kyle
– She is horrible at friendship
– Dorit is calling Eileen out
– Eileen is being ridiculous
– Does anyone care about this?
– Kim is awesome
– She also doesn’t wear panties
– Best line of the night
– Time for Rinna to gang up on Dorit
– Dorit says Eileen and Rinna are a tag team
– Yup
– Eileen is offended
– Eileen is also stupid
– Dorit is holding her own
– Kim now tells Rinna she is as snake
– Not really, but you know what I mean
– Kim is calm and Rinna is mental
– Good for Kim
– Rinna should be fired
– Kim says she did not say anything about Harry
– She really didn’t
– Rinna is really bitchy
– I wonder if Harry’s boyfriend is bitchy too
– Kim wants an apology from Rinna
– Move on already
– Sweet Jesus
– Rinna wants to talk about Kim’s arrest
– Dirty low blow
– Rinna is garbage
– Everyone is grossed out by Rinna and tells her
– Rinna is walking off
– Kim is not backing down
– Rinna is being a tool
– Eden steps in to help Kim
– Blah, blah, blah
– This is now therapy and I’m done
– Kim should shoot Rinna right now
– Let he apology go Kim
– She does not mean it
– Fake apology in three….two…one
– Kim accepts Rinna’s bullshit

Week 7

– Video shoot time for Erika
– She’s beautiful
– I’m not offended by her videos
– Bitches be offended
– Rinna and Eileen go to watch the video shoot
– Rinna is a hypocritical twat
– Dorit’s accent makes me itchy
– PK has colored his hair
– Dorit is silly
– Kyle wants us to know she is rich
– They are showing us a house in Malibu
– LVP wants a grandbaby
– She wants to be called Nanny Pinky
– Perfection
– Eden and Rinna go shopping
– Eden has hitched to the wrong horse
– We’re jumping from Kyle and LVP to Rinna and Eden
– Ugh
– I hate the jumping
– Kyle is weak
– Todd should have no opinion here
– LVP says Rinna was inappropriate
– Kyle refuses to support her sister
– Bitch
– Kyle is horrible to Kim
– Eden did not like Kyle
– Eden’s voice sounds just like Brandi
– Rinna loves that Eden doesn’t like Kyle
– Rinna says Kim is not sober
– Oh. Me. God.
– I officially hate Rinna
– Rinna says Kyle is Kim’s enabler
– Rinna should be fired
– Period
– Rinna is mentally unstable
– Rinna says Kim could die any day
– I am now laughing at Rinna
– Erika is performing in Greece
– Kyle is going to Greece with Erika
– Eden, Kyle and Eden are lunching
– Eden is out of her mind
– Kyle is not digging Eden
– Kyle doesn’t like to talk about Kim
– I don’t dig Eden anymore
– Why is Kim’s sobriety a storyline?
– Dear Lord
– Fuck off Rinna
– LVP makes me want a dog
– Max wants to know his biological mom
– LVP is emotional about it
– I can’t imagine how she must feel
– Did LVP just says he was in her 60’s?
– Yes, she did
– LVP is crying talking about getting Max
– I am now crying
– Max is a lovely young mam
– Kyle and Erika are in Greece
– Back to Erika’s vag
– Shot #4
– My liver is tired
– Dorit has a lot of help
– Yet she is always holding her kids
– Does not add up
– Bless her
– Dorit invites Eileen to lunch
– Dorit invites Rinna to join them for lunch
– Dorit means well
– I think
– Good luck to her
– Rinna says she is hungry all the time
– Hungry for fame and money, not food
– Dorit says she was drunk at game night
– Does not apologize for her behavior though
– The accent is killing me
– Dorit doesn’t get the constant attack by Eileen
– Eileen is calm
– Dorit is calm
– Rinna is chomping at the bit
– Dorit doesn’t let people talk
– Eileen diffuses Dorit by saying sorry
– Eileen is sneaky
– The air is cleared with Dorit, Eileen and Rinna
– I call bullshit
– Dorit will be a one season girl
– Unless LVP goes to bat for her
– My liver is going on strike
– I’ll be back next week to keep it real