September 19, 2018

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 4 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Grey Goose.

I am happily watching, drinking, and judging these women. We are at week four and it seems like it has been on for much longer. Not a good sign really, but it is what it is. Pour a drink and join me as we watch these women try really hard to get through their scripts. There is no faker group than the ladies of Beverly Hills. Bless them. I know it sounds like I don’t like this show, but I do. Love it actually.

We start with a quick visit to a few of the women. Erika has a costume “closet”, which they call an “archive”, which struck me as funny. Eileen is playing music with her son, while Dorit is having with her little one. Rinna is in Pa selling garbage on QVC, and Erika is off to take the Young and he Restless. She calls Tom and it sounds like she is talking to her Dad. Did anyone else get that vibe?

Over at Villa Blanca, Kyle is meeting LVP to gossip and talk about raising money and awareness to stop the Yulin dog meat festival. I cannot look at the images from Yulin. It is beyond heartbreaking and mortifying and must be stopped. No matter what you think about LVP on this show, if you do not respect her as an advocate for the health and wellbeing of animals you have a dead, black heart.

We jump from dogs to Erika flashing her hooha to Dorit’s husband. Oy vey. LVP is a lady who acts like a child on occasion. She is a shit stirrer, but funny, so whatever. Erika is at Y&R and her nervousness is cute. This scene could have and should have been a minute but is going on and on. Ugh. I used to love Y&R when I was a kid and watched it with my mom, so I’ll move on and let Erika have her moment.

Time for Dorit and her painful accent. She is with her husband and daughter as they do a scan of the gorgeous little girl’s head. She has been wearing a helmet to help shape her head and they are checking to see if it can come off. They are told Phoenix doesn’t need to wear the helmet anymore and I am thrilled for them. They have gorgeous kids and I wish them health and happiness always.

Rinna is up, which means I am going to make myself a drink. I can’t. She calls her husband and I’m done. I’m drinking vodka tonight because my boyfriend Jose Cuervo is over Rinna and needed to take a break. Bless Him. Cut to Kyle, who now has an assistant, and is pushing her new TV show like crack on the street. Ugh. Kyle is a bitch and it is really hard to like her. Kim on the other hand, I love.

LVP has started a Foundation to help dogs. It is impossible to not love this version of LVP. I want to adopt every single dog that we were shown. I really need to get a dog and when I do, it will be a rescue. Time to leave the dogs and head out to drinks with the bitches. We’ve got Eileen, Rinna, and Dorit. Dorit’s accent makes me want to impale myself but I don’t want to risk spilling my drink.

Erika is hosting a ridiculous event that makes no sense, and Dorit uses it as an intro to talk about Erika’s hooha. Really? Erika did nothing wrong and PK checked out her snatch. Oy vey. Who cares? Plus, Erika had a napkin over the lap. We all saw the napkin. Dorit needs to let this go and focus her discomfort on her husband not Erika. Just saying. Eileen is now talking shit about Erika. Poor Erika.

Mrs. Girardi is correct in her decision to not trust these women fully All three women are obsessed with her hooha because they are jealous. Jealous of her body, her wealth, her beauty, and apparently her vagina. Move on bitches. Sidebar: I don’t know about anyone else, but I am sick of seeing Kyle’s car. Who cares? She’s got a great car. Got it. She’s also got rather short legs. Who cares?

Kyle is shopping with Dorit so they can also talk about Erika’s hooha. Dear Lord. Erika is a lady and PK is a pervert. All good. Dorit buys a pair of underwear for Erika and no good can come of that. Kyle says it could go wrong, then tells Dorit not to darer give Erika the underwear without her being there to see it. These women are simply mean and that makes them unattractive. Poor Erika.

Time for the fake activity that was scripted for Dorit to try and embarrass Erika. So stupid. Dorit gives Erika the underwear and I still don’t get why Dorit is trying so desperately to make Erika’s vagina her storyline, when the real storyline should be about PK’s perversion. This is going to blow up in Dorit’s face. Poor girl. Erika tells Dorit to be careful and Dorit take sit as a threat. For the love of God.

All the girls have arrived for the escape thing and I am on my second drink. I’m going to empty the dishwasher and gold some laundry. That is how interested I am in this escape bullshit. These chicks are dumb and will never get out, which is hilarious. I hate when Kyle talks about Kim. I would rather have Kim on this show than Kyle. Know it. Everyone’s brains are tired. Bless their little hearts.

Just when I think we are done, they bring up Erika’s vagina again. Oy vey. Erika says she is not sure her vagina was flashed, but she is not upset about that, as much as PK staring at it and not saying anything. Erika is lovely about the whole thing in my opinion and it is done, for now. I love Erika tonight. She is fabulous. I like Erika Girardi more than Erika Jayne, but both are keeping it real.