September 22, 2018

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 3 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

I have plans tonight for dinner with friends and so in the interest of time I am going to bullet point this week in record time because there is a bar with a Cosmo waiting for me. Tis the season to consume adult beverages so buckle up because I have tequila and I'm going in.

– Rinna has Hadid wannabe kids
– Rinna is a wannabe herself
– I can’t handle this storyline
– Rinna is going to NYC to whore out her kids
– Kyle is already in NYC with her daughter Sofia
– Kyle is filled to the brim
– Kyle screeches too much
– Kyle’s laugh is painfully fake
– LVP is at Dorit’s house
– People go to her so I’m not buying this
– LVP lives in BH so Dorit is out of her way
– Dorit has fake hair to match her accent
– Erika Jayne needs to retire
– LVP and Dorit are now in BH shopping
– Dorit’s house was scripted bullshit
– LVP’s boobs look good
– This woman is 60 and fabulous
– The fake accent hurts my ears
– I just had a shot of tequila
– I lied, I had two
– Kyle is opening another store in NYC
– Don’t get it
– Rinna makes my eye twitch
– Kyle’s hair is fantastic
– Rinna talks shit about Harry Hamlin
– It probably annoys his boyfriend
– Dorit’s kids are gorgeous
– Dorit says it is too hot in the park for her baby
– Dorit is wearing a leather coat and scarf
– Whatever
– Dorit’s son has speaking issues
– Maybe he can’t understand her accent?
– I like Dorit
– I love Dorit with her kids
– Eileen is at her mom’s house
– This is breaking my heart
– Losing a parent sucks ass
– Eileen has a brilliant colorist
– I can’t tell if Eileen is fake crying
– We may be watching Ashley Abbott
– This scripted stuff makes my lower back hurt
– My condolences to Eileen and her family
– Wiping away fake tears is hilarious to me
– The modelling storyline is stupid
– Gigi and Bella are perfection
– Rinna is not funny
– Someone should tell her
– I’ll do it
– Rinna, you’re not funny
– Stop laughing at nothing
– I don’t care about Rinna’s vag
– Rinna likes to be naked in front of kids
– From the mouths of babes
– Back to LVP, it is Ken’s birthday
– LVP blew Ken in the car as a gift
– LVP is hilarious and it is not about being English
– She should own it
– Funny as shit
– LVP is buying Max an apartment
– Pandora got a house
– I like Max
– I like LVP the mother
– Rinna is screeching again
– Rinna is an idiot
– Kyle is trying really hard to be cool
– Rinna is really, really, really thirsty
– Rinna is not that connected to her kids
– I see a pole in some futures
– Just saying
– Why not take your kids to QVC?
– I just can’t with Rinna
– She is painfully unlikeable
– Eileen is going to therapy
– Televised therapy pisses me off
– The death in Eileen’s life is staggering
– Eileen is talking shit about her parents
– They are dead and so this is gross
– Everyone is back in LA
– Time for a party at PUMP
– Kyle is wearing the wrong underwear
– I want to impale myself
– Kyle is selling us her show
– Don’t care
– Erika stops Kyle from talking
– Bravo Erika
– LVP and PK are hilarious
– Erika is offended
– LVP reminds her they are English
– Erika tells them they are in America
– Dorit pukes fake accent all over Erika
– Erika reminds Dorit she is from Connecticut
– I am loving this moment
– Dorit is kissing Erika’s ass
– PK is trying to engage
– Erika is being aloof
– LVP tries to lighten things up
– LVP asks Erika to give Kyle some underwear
– Erika is not wearing any underwear
– PK is checking out Erika’s vag
– Dorit does not like Erika
– Erika Jayne should help Erika Girardi out more
– Cut to the next day with Dorit and PK
– PK was digging Erika’s vag
– PK noticed Erika’s vag early and was into it
– PK says he was uncomfortable
– Dorit asks if he was turned on
– Really?
– Dorit is now obsessed with Erika’s vag
– I’m off to drink
– This show is painful but funny
– I’m getting vodka for next week
– That will keep it real