September 23, 2018

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Week 1 Recap

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

 
Bravo has given us an early gift by having the ladies of Beverly Hills return in time to welcome in the holiday season. I am glad they are back, even though they occasionally make my eye twitch, and Rinna makes my back spasm. With the new season comes new ladies and new taglines, so let’s start there.
 
LVP: The crown is heavy darlings, so just leave it where it belongs.
Does being the richest automatically make you the Queen? Yes.
 
Erika: I may be two people, but I’m not two faced.
I’m over the two people thing already.
 
Rinna: My advice to you, don’t hustle the hustler.
She should never have been invited back.
 
Eileen: I speak no evil but I see and hear everything.
Could this woman be any more boring? No. No she could not.
 
Dorit: When you’ve traveled the world you can speak in any accent you want.  I can’t.
 
Kyle: I’m an expert on luxury and I can always spot a fake.
The only thing she is an expert on is delusion.
 
We begin with a quick catch up of all the ladies. Kyle needs a much bigger house before she can claim to be an expert of luxury. She is in her Vanderpump wannabe closet telling us how close she is with Boy George. Whatever. Erika is having a birthday and Tom gives her a picture of her gift with no wrapping, just pretension for television. Not romantic or real at all.
 
LVP has a new dog named Harrison and I LOVE him. We meet new housewife Dorit and her husband PK for the first time. Sidebar: In the interest of full disclosure, I have met PK and he is a funny and lovely man. I met Dorit briefly at her home when she said hello. I did not detect an accent then and think her accent now is ridiculous.

By ridiculous of course I totally mean fake as shit. Bless her. She speaks a little Hebrew, which I love. Nice to have a Jew on board so fingers crossed that she is not going to be weird and bad for the tribe. LVP, Kyle and Dorit are having dinner with their husbands. LVP backtracks to Dubai and says Rinna lied while she was clean. Probably not true. Dorit is starting to sound like Lindsay Lohan. 
 
Cut to Rinna who gets a new car from her husband. She is too loud for me. She also has the body of a young boy, which makes sense. Just saying. Her father passed away and it is sad because I feel like she took advantage of him for a storyline. She said horrible things about him and she should be ashamed of that. She is trying to sell her storyline as being a busy mom raising two teenagers, yet did not know her daughter got a piercing? Clearly she is REALLY involved in their lives.
 
Jump to Eileen having lunch with Erika and Kyle. Eileen looks really beautiful. She lost her mother, which is very sad, but left her not sweating the small stuff. They have clearly not seen each other since the last season and it is odd. The editing is already annoying as Eileen references something they were talking about that we never heard. Kyle is talking about her new show about her life and I want to skip over this lunch. Kyle’s success is at the expense of Kim.
 
Everyone will meet up at Erika’s birthday party and are clearly nervous as there are two camps. The insiders led by LVP, and the outsiders of Erika, Rinna, and Eileen.  Enough of that bore fest as we get to know Dorit. She has a gorgeous home and her accent is getting stronger and sillier. She has a lot of help, gorgeous little babies, and Boy George is a constant houseguest. I can't and won't say anything about Boy George other than I LOVE HIM. Always have, always will
 
Time for Erika’s party. She is having a Studio 54 theme at her home and it looks fabulous. Erika seems different this season, which is noticeable right from the start, and a real shame.  She is more Erika Jayne than Erika Girardi, which is too bad. LVP is going with Kyle and Dorit, while Eileen is going with Rinna, who is a fame whore now peddling her Gigi wannabe. I have a physical reaction to this woman and really wish they’d not invited her back. I think we're going to love Dorit by the end so it will be intersting to see if we can let go of the accent and embrace her. Time will tell.
 
Kyle is talking about her childhood, clearly setting up her show. Who cares? Erika is playing her music at a Studio 54 party?  There don’t appear to be a lot of people at the party and Tom looks bored. Eileen gives Erika a part on Y&R for her birthday. Sweet. Rinna is DYING that she never got that gift. Know it.  Rinna marches up to LVP and says hello, but LVP is not interested in her at all, which is fantastic. Rinna is thirsty. LVP says hello to Eileen because she is a grown up.
 
Erika’s mother comes and she is stunning. Her reaction to her mother showing up is happy, but still a little odd. I don’t imagine her two worlds collide often. Nice her mom is there. LVP is not into Eileen and clearly annoyed when Dorit talks to her. She is also annoyed there is no food because she is starving. Rinna says she is starving, which is funny since she hasn’t eaten since she was last at Studio 54. There is a lot of tension, and we still need to meet one more new girl, but I am in. I think Dorit will end up being likeable and I’m looking forward to the Sassoon chick. I will watch, drink, blog, and always keep it real.