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10 rules for parents of special-education kids

If your child receives special-education services at a public school, you may feel that you have been sent back to class yourself, with strange abbreviations and a whole new set of contradictory rules and regulations to master.
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October 20, 2014
If your child receives special-education services at a public school, you may feel that you have been sent back to class yourself, with strange abbreviations and a whole new set of contradictory rules and regulations to master. But there is a way out of the initial fog of confusion: Follow the well-worn path of those who have walked this way before. Although by no means comprehensive, the following suggestions can serve as guideposts on your journey through the land of special education. 
 
1) Get everything in writing.
 
As I recall hearing years ago from a former Army captain / dad at my first special-education training: “If it isn’t written into the IEP [individual education plan], it doesn’t exist.” Special education is governed by the federal Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), which requires a free, appropriate, public education for all students, but without a written and signed IEP, all the oral promises in the world are meaningless.
 
2) Learn all the rules and acronyms.
 
Educators in general, and special-education administrators in particular, are very keen on creating a lot of complex rules and bizarre acronyms. As a parent of a child receiving special-education services, it is your job to learn them. There are some great resources on the Web, such as Wrightslaw.com, to help you with the steep learning curve, and other nonprofit advocacy groups can also help. If you don’t know or understand an acronym that is used during a parent-teacher conference or IEP meeting, don’t be afraid to ask.
 
3) Get organized.
 
Get yourself a few of the big, three-ring binders from an office supply store, and put in all the assessments, report cards, notes from meetings and IEPs in one place. Or scan it all in and create a digital folder, but still keep the original documents. There will be many times when you will need to refer to exact wording (see No. 1 above) or provide a photocopy.
 
4) Keep your emotions under control and focus on solutions.
 
When your child is first diagnosed with some type of special need, whether it be a significant learning disorder, autism or some other developmental disability, it is understandable that you may feel overwhelmed and have the desire to find the “magic bullet” in the form of an intervention or service that will enable your child to learn and communicate like his or her typical peers. Focus on your child’s strengths and keep an open mind to different ideas that the professionals present, without getting defensive or angry.
 
5) Get some allies.
 
You aren’t the first parent to have a child with special needs, and there is plenty of wisdom to be learned from those who came before you. Get to know the other parents of special-education students in your child’s class or school and compare notes on teachers, specialists and administrators. Information is power, and the more you know, the better advocate you will be.
 
6) Get your child involved in decision-making as early as possible.
 
Special needs are a lifelong issue. Mastering self-advocacy skills to the fullest extent possible is one of the keys to becoming a successful adult. Asking your child what they like and don’t like about their current school program, even if they have limited verbal ability, is important. This is especially true about the social aspects of school such as what happens at lunch and during recess.
 
7) Attend school events.
 
It is important to keep attending all those back-to-school nights and other evening programs — even if you are in regular contact with the special-education teacher, speech and language therapist and other specialists — because sometimes more general curriculum issues are addressed than in your one-to-one meetings or emails. If nothing else, the special-education teacher appreciates having a parent or two come by, especially in the higher grades, when parents of special-education students tend to be less involved than when their kids were younger. At the last parent-teacher event I attended for my son’s special day class, there were only two other parents there, although there are 12 students in the class.
 
8) Be nice to the teacher.
 
Because of the federal rules concerning IEPs and behavior-modification plans and the need to coordinate services with numerous aides and specialists, special-education teachers have a lot more paperwork and red tape to contend with than do general-education teachers. They also are dealing with a complex set of students who may share a common diagnosis but are very different people. Send treats during the holidays, give them a nice gift card, and offer to help in small but important ways. And remember, everyone appreciates a warm and sincere “thank you.”
 
9) Be vigilant.
 
Even if you are staying in contact with the teacher, aides and other specialists, it is helpful to keep track of what is really going on during your child’s day at school, especially if he or she has limited verbal ability. Take advantage of those times when you need to pick up your child early for a doctor’s appointment and take a good look around the classroom — see what’s written on the white boards and on the bulletin boards to gain some insights into what is happening during the day.
 
10) Don’t sweat the small stuff.
 
It’s easy to get caught up in nit-picking details of special-education law — such as if the school misses a federal deadline by a day or two — but try not to. It’s more important that appropriate services be provided — even if a little late — than receiving a denial on the exact, prescribed day. For example, we’ve been waiting for an evaluation from the occupational therapist and speech-language therapist about having the school purchase an iPad for our son to use for communication purposes. If it takes a few extra days for both of the professionals to find the time to evaluate him at the same time, that’s OK with me, especially if the two of them are more likely to give a thumbs-up than if they did the evaluations separately on different days.

Michelle K. Wolf is a special-needs parent activist and nonprofit professional who has worked in the government and nonprofit sectors for nearly 30 years. 

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